Destiny

“Welcome to Hell” was all that was visible as I drove past the rundown sign on the edge of what was the tiniest of desert towns. I grew up in a town just like it, and the thought of going back made my stomach clench in more pain than I already was in. The rest of the words on the sign were illegible, covered in red graffiti that bled like a fresh wound. 

The last twenty-four hours were a blur and although I didn’t have too much to be thankful for right now, I was grateful I didn’t remember the horrid details of when he ended things. I ripped off the rest of my ghastly torn veil, which was once a pure virgin white but was now assaulted in a copious amount of dirt and mud, tossing it in the back seat. 

At the speed I was going, the blurred town looked as ghostly as in his favorite Western, shootout films. All that was missing was the tumbleweed. Even what looked to be a playground was void of children and laughter. It didn’t matter, I only came for one person. 

I don’t know how I knew to come here, but I knew it was the right place when I pulled up to a townhouse that reminded me of the one we lived in together. I had an eerie inclination that without going in, I would know the exact layout. Living room to the left, kitchen to the right, and upstairs across from the master would be a bedroom where one day our children were supposed to sleep. 

The only weapon I possessed was a butter knife which would be no match for someone of his size but I still clenched it tightly as I made my way up the stone steps. It would still help me just fine. Just as I reach the landing, the front door creaks open and it’s not the man who was once my fiance standing there but the most stunning woman in a silk robe. Her lips and nose were delicate, her cheekbones high and her eyelashes long. I knew I wasn’t the first woman to envy her features. 

“I know you weren’t expecting me but we can chat while we wait for him.” The woman smiles softly, opening the door wider. “Come on in, I have tea prepared for us in the front room.”

“You look familiar.” My voice comes out hoarse, my throat as dry as the heat that was scorching my skin. 

“I’m Destiny.” She says over her shoulder as I follow her through the short hallway until we reach a den that looks plucked out of a life that once belonged to me. The walls were painted Robin’s Egg. We picked out the color together the day he asked me to move in. Destiny casually sits on the pink loveseat, the same one I thrifted from my favorite store downtown, and starts pouring each of us a cup of tea like it was her house and not mine. 

It must be some weird, messed-up coincidence. 

 I stumble over to the desk in the corner, open the first drawer and my heart sinks. I find our dog’s leash in the same place we always keep it. Even the name Milo was engraved into the gold collar.

“It was you whose photo I found in our bedside table,” I say digging my nails into the back of an armchair. She looked more aged than the young girl in the Polaroid, her hair grayer, but it would be hard to displace such beauty. I should’ve taken the photo as a sign to leave but I could tell it was old and what did it matter? I was the one with his ring on my finger.

But then again, if we knew our fate, there would always be a moment we’d change. Now all that is left is regret.  

“Even after all these years, that still surprises me when I hear it. ” Destiny whispers. She reaches over, handing me a cup and saucer before hissing in pain.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“The oldest wounds take the longest to heal.” Her hand grabs her side with a tight smile. 

“I never thought he would do this to me,” I say looking down at the dark tea that reminded me of a lake and a chill runs through me. The urge to cry is overwhelming but no tears fall. 

“The worst part is you will also be blamed. I need you to prepare yourself, it won’t be easy to watch.” She says, her face calmer again. “Trust me, I’ve seen it dozens of times now. 

“I thought if I did everything right, I would be enough.” My throat tightens.

“People we love aren’t supposed to hurt us.” She sighs, slowly shaking her head. “People love to talk about how we should’ve seen the signs. Or how we should’ve been more careful or more observant. They will never fully blame him.” Her voice lifts in frustration, her eyes wild. “That’s what haunts us the most.” 

“What do you mean?”  I ask, shakily lifting up the cups to my lips. The tea was too hot to taste.

Her head lifts up. “How much do you remember before entering town?” She asks. 

“Before the sign, I…”  I start but my mind blanks trying to remember any of the drive here but I can’t. I don’t even remember when I got in the car. 

She reaches over to rub my hand even as the side of her robe is taking on a pink hue. “What do you last remember?”

“I was cleaning up the dinner I made when he finally got home hours later than he usually did. Then we had a fight about where he’d been because he smelled like perfume.” Curses and dishes were thrown around but both had been normal at that point. “All of a sudden, he got this excited look in his eye and he said he couldn’t wait to marry me. He begged for us to go to the courthouse that evening. Said he already booked us for the last appointment.” 

“And you didn’t question it.” Destiny states it like a fact, not a question. 

“I thought it was romantic.” I exhale. “I had a dress and that was probably all we were going to eventually do anyway. We both didn’t have any family left.”

“He didn’t drive you to the courthouse, though, did he?” She asks even though I’m starting to think we both know the answer. 

“No, he drove us to a lake I’ve never been to before.”

“I know the one.” Destiny softly says but I hardly hear her because the paint on the walls starts to bleed into a darker, muddy color. The furniture around us starts to twist and fade. I have to clamp my eyes shut to stop the spinning. 

I hear splashes of water. I see darkness. And I feel, well I feel…nothing. 

“Breathe.” I hear Destiny and the world stills again. “You’re a fighter, don’t you forget that. When they discovered you, you were clenching a butter knife.” 

I open my eyes and the room now looks like my childhood house. The same family portraits above the worn, leather couch where Destiny is now sitting instead of the loveseat. Instead of teacups, glasses of whiskey sit in front of us. Even the smell of cigarette smoke now lingers in the air. 

“I think I’m hallucinating from the heat.” I voice. 

“Your mind is fighting to place yourself somewhere familiar instead of where you really are.” She replies and pity reeks from her eyes. 

I stand up abruptly. “I need to use the bathroom,” I say leaving the room, not needing to ask where it was. 

The mirror in the hallway stops me. It would be hard to compare myself to a woman as beautiful as Destiny. Her eyes are darker than mine, her skin and voice richer. She probably sang him to sleep. Her hair glistened even in the harsh sunlight where mine fell flat and dead. 

No wonder he fell in love with her first. 

My eyes trace from my nose to my eyes and then I catch Destiny’s reflection behind me and that’s when I notice our biggest difference. 

Destiny is bleeding through her robe, whereas I’m bleeding from a deep gouge on the side of my head. 

“He’s not coming, is he?” I choke out. 

“Maybe one day.” She says, her smile sad. She lifts out her hand, “Come on, I want you to meet the others.”