9 comments

Fiction

“Are you there, my God? It's me…"

"Honey, what's going on?"

"I ask my God for help."

"You can do it silently."

"I did it for many years and now I need his help more than ever."

" Why honey? Tell me maybe I can help you.”

"You don't have enough power to help me man!"

“Do you know that God cannot help someone directly. He will help through someone else.”

"I know but I also know for sure it won't be you honey."

"You can't choose who can help you, it might be against God's will and maybe because of that he never gave you a sign."

"I don't think of anyone that I ask my God just to lighten my heavy loads that's all."

"I don't see any charge on you honey."

"You're kidding me man! The way you talk to me is already a huge burden."

"Honey, I don't want to upset you. I just want to make you laugh."

"Please leave me alone. You can't understand, you're dumb enough for that!"

"OK! my darling, I'll let you breathe, we'll talk later."

" That's it. Shut up! My mother calls."

"Hi mum. Everything is fine! The girls haven't come home yet."

 "What! Ah my darling mum, but it must not ruin you."

"Thank you again mom and tell dad too."

"We are becoming a burden on you mum and it bothers me a lot."

"I know mom, I don't have anyone but you. Bye!"

"Why are you crying my dear? Your mother is feeling well?”

" She is fine. She offers the four of us a vacation for two weeks. She's my mother and I love her. May God bless her!”

"Your parents are nice to us."

"You can tell. They are always there to ease our difficulties."

"Has God answered your request?"

" Who knows? I'm sure it was him.”

"Thank him darling."

"I did it and I do and always will. Do it yourself too!"

"Me too, I always thank him for what I got."

"What have you had and I don't know?"

"You honey. You are the best gift God has given me so I couldn't ask for more."

"That's sweet darling. Your words warm my heart.”

"But my darling is on vacation have you asked God?"

“No! I asked him for many other things. But I don't want to be selfish because God has other people to help.”

"Can you tell me other things that are heavy for you, honey."

"Another time, I don't have the heart for it."

"Open the door, the girls are here."

" Hi Dad! Where is Mom?"

"Hi my darlings, we see that you are happy it's the last day of school."

" Yes Dad! Where is Mom?

"Mom, what's that big smile? Dad got you a present?"

"No honey, guess what it could be?"

“We will go to the beach during the holidays."

"You are a smart girl. Who do you know?"

“My grandmother told me this last weekend. But she said not to say anything. She wants to surprise you."

"Stupid girl, grandma told us never to talk about it and you just said it."

"Oh sorry. Please mum don't tell grandma."

"Don't worry sweetie. We have to be ready, we'll be leaving next Sunday."

“Go and put on your pajamas and come back to taste I prepared a delicious cake.”

“Honey, it wasn't God who answered your request. Your mother made her decision last Sunday.”

"You make me want to throw up. You are trying to contradict my prayers. You are not strong enough to come between me and my God. I pray my God everyday so he answered me last week or maybe a month ago or maybe a year ago or maybe before I met you."

“Honey, you're not in the mood. I try to make you laugh but you're stubborn.”

“Joke yes! but please away from my relationship with my God and my family?”

“Mom, where is your cake? Do you have coke with it? "Yes, darling, I have everything you need."

"Mom, I don't have a bathing suit for the beach"

"Me too mom."

"You need a diaper"

"Honey, respect your sister"

"You're the one who needs a diaper. You're the one who peed on the bus two days ago."

“Girls, stop it! Tomorrow we will go downtown to buy everything we need.”

 "Do not forget me girls."

"Dad you're a big boy you can buy yourself a bathing suit."

"No honey your dad is coming with us. He's a big boy but he's my love and I'll take care of him."

"Thank you darling."

"Maybe God has heard your prayers darling."

"Yes darling, since he put me in your hands."

"Mom, we're going up to play."

"OK girls. We have to go to bed early, we have a lot to do tomorrow."

"We too baby I'll take care of you in bed."

"I know, for that you are always ready."

"I didn't understand why you're mad at me honey."

"Haven't you seen our life has been shitty for five years."

"Why do you say that honey?" »

"Because we eat badly, we don't travel, we don't go to the cinema, we don't go to restaurants, we are short of money."

"Honey, since we bought the new house, the new car, you told me to save money. It was your idea. Isn't it?"

"Yes! You're right. Tomorrow for example, we need money to buy stuff for the beach. How can we?"

"Honey, we have enough money."

"What money."

"Dear, our savings."

"What savings are you talking about?"

"I saved all my bonuses, I also worked a lot of overtime."

“Then!”

“Our savings are currently around $45,000.”

"What? You're serious."

"I thought you knew honey."

"I did not know."

"It's a miracle then. It's a gift from God."

"Oh! honey for that I pray to my God and today he saved us. Thank you my God for what you gave us through my lovely husband. Kiss me man and I'll be the one to take you to bed."

February 11, 2022 10:14

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9 comments

Yves. ♙
22:45 Aug 07, 2022

A dialogue-only story! How interesting. Good job on interpreting the prompt; I like that you took a piece of dialogue and centered everything around it-- you didn't feel the need to embellish it. Keep writing!

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Palak Shah
15:47 Mar 20, 2022

Hi Boutat! This was a great story and it encompassed a lot of messages. It flowed smoothly and was written very skillfully. I loved it :)) Could you please read my story if possible? Thanks :))

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Craig Westmore
11:28 Mar 04, 2022

Hi Boutat! Another wonderful story of family. I like the relationship the father has with God, his wife and his family. You are a master with dialogue. Many of the speech is easy to tell who is speaking but whenever a subject changes and new speakers enter the conversation, it is difficult to know who is speaking. I strongly recommend a brief paragraph describing the setting so we know where and when the story takes place. Also action between dialogue reveals character. Are the sisters pushing and shoving each other as they argue or are they...

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Riel Rosehill
23:12 Feb 17, 2022

Hi! This was interesting. Dialogue-only stories are difficult to write, and in yours I liked the sisterly bickering between the girls. However, for me it wasn't always clear who was speaking for first glance (for example when one of the girls called the other stupid first I read that in the mother's voice!), so maybe it's worth adding narrative or at least dialogue or action tags when there's more than two characters conversing, to make it less confusing. The relationship dinamics were interesting between the parents, but even with them I co...

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Boutat Driss
10:00 Feb 18, 2022

Dear Riel, I don't have enough words to thank you. your comments are relevant and they will help me improve the understanding of my writings. Next time I'll try to be clearer. Thanks again for your time and comments.

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F.O. Morier
19:59 Feb 17, 2022

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 Adorable! I love it!

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Boutat Driss
10:01 Feb 18, 2022

thank you dear Fati

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Philip Ebuluofor
11:26 Feb 16, 2022

The dialogues are improving a lot and there was honey at appropriate intervals. Fine work.

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Boutat Driss
09:56 Feb 17, 2022

Thank you dear Philip

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