2 comments

Mystery Horror Fiction

It’s been 5 years since one of my good friends died… She and I met during our high school years. Her name was Michelle Duncen, but she went by Shelley. She liked the name Shelley. We were best friends, we did sleepover parties, and worked on school projects together. We were like sisters! 


After we got out of high school, we went to the same college. She always loved to help me with projects at college. After college, she studied law enforcement and eventually she got a job as a homicide detective, but while working on a murder case…., she was shot. She made it to the hospital, but she soon died in my arms… Her last wish was for me to go back to the place we first met. 


I was still heartbroken from her death that I couldn’t contain myself from crying once I got to the place we met… We met at a very old children's park that was said to be haunted now. I wanted to go see why she wanted me to go to that park. 


Once I got there, it felt cold and dark. All the grass and flowers were dead, and the trees were cracking. I continued to the main part of the park and saw someone sitting at the old swings. I started to walk towards them slowly, but I realized it was… SHELLEY?!?


I couldn’t believe my eyes, how is she here?? She died in my arms 5 years ago, I was so confused! I rushed to her without any thought, but once I got to the swings, she wasn’t there anymore. I looked around and she was nowhere to be seen. I guess my eyes were deceiving, so I rubbed them to have a clear vision. When I was done rubbing them, I saw Shelley right in front of me. ‘Hello, Lily!’, said Shelley excitedly. I jumped at the sudden greeting. 


‘Shelley? Is that you??’, I asked her, confused. ‘Yes, Lily! It’s me!’, she said happily. She came up to me and gave me a big hug. My eyes widened, she was real, there with me, I don’t know how, but she was there with me. I hugged her back with tears coming back to my face. ‘Lily, I want to show you something.’, Shelley told me. 


She held her hand up to the air and a golden light was appearing in her hand and soon went all over the park. The light went up and made everything in the park green and bright. The grass and flowers were alive again and the playground of the park was young and fixed again. My eyes widened with excitement. ‘Whoa! I didn’t know you could do that!’, I said to Shelley. 


‘I didn’t before I died, but since I’m a spirit, I can!’, Shelley said to me while walking to the fountain and sitting down. ‘So time to catch up! How have you been since I’ve died?’, ‘Well, everything’s been alright. I got two new boyfriends.’, ‘Oh, what happened to Drew and Matt?’, ‘They both cheated on me…’, I said sadly. ‘Oh…, but are your new boyfriends treating you right?’, ‘Yeah, they’re way nicer and cuter than Drew and Matt!’, ‘That’s good!’, ‘I also met Grace-’, ‘Who’s Grace?’, Shelley asked me. ‘Oh, she is my new friend! She works at a restaurant and is also a -’, ‘So, you’ve already replaced me..?’, ‘What? No! You’re still my best friend, Shell-’, ‘DON’T LIE TO ME!! YOU DID REPLACE ME!’ Shelley said angrily. 


When she yelled at me, I fell to the ground scared. ‘Shelley, I didn’t replace you! I swear, I just met Grace a few months ago!’, ‘I should have known when I died, you would have replaced me! UGH!’, Shelley said. She put her hands on her head and everything around us was going back to normal, but it was more dead and black roses were growing around us along with dead red roses. 


I looked back at Shelley and her hair changed colors along with her clothing. Her hair was black and her clothing was gray and black. After she changed colors, she put her hands down and leaned her back forward like a rag doll. She just stood there for a while. I got up and took one step towards her, but she shot her head up and looked at me with black and red eyes. Her face was stitched up now and she had this creepy smile. She lunged at me.


I shot up from that image and screamed. I looked around, scared, to see that I was in my bed and sighed ‘That was just a dream…’, I looked at the time and it was almost 4 am in the morning. I looked at my hands and they were shaking. I looked over to my light and turned it on. Once I turned on the light, I saw a note. I looked at it and realized what it was. I read the note out loud to myself.


Dear Lily,

Thank you for being my best friend since high school! I know we haven’t hang out in a while since I’m a detective and working all day, but we can do something together! I want to thank you for everything and wanted to tell you that I’m getting married too! I just hope we can talk so I can tell you more! Also, if something were have happened to me at work, I know you’ll be okay without me, if you do make another best friend, I would be your ghost support!


I hope to see you soon, bestie!

~ Shelley Duncen


I started to cry. I remembered going to the park and finding this! I wondered who the husband was… I hoped I could see him at some point in my life…, but when she said if she died during work… I guess I was dreaming about her getting jealous… I put the note back on my night stand and just lay there in my own thoughts. I wish I knew who killed my best friend… Maybe I could find that out. 


But… where to start…?

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October 19, 2023 00:53

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2 comments

J. Logwood
00:17 Oct 26, 2023

This is a very creative story! The dialogue gets a little confusing at points when you have quotation marks back to back without an indication of who is speaking, and for me I think some parts would have been more effective with fewer exclamation points and elipses, but I like the way you used the setting to impact the tone, especially during the dream sequence. I’m curious, why did you circle Shelley back to being a sympathetic character after you did such an effective job making her a creepy jealous ghost? Thank you for sharing this story!

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Elayna Torrez
19:19 Oct 26, 2023

Thanks for your feedback for my writing! I'll make sure that I'll put whoever is talking next time when I do a dialogue like that again! And for your question, I'm still working on some character development on Shelley. For Lily, she had older friends that would blame her for betraying them anytime she meets and hangs out with someone new. She's been having that fear for a long time until she went to high school and met Shelley. When Lily had that dream, she was picturing Shelley as one of her old friends that would say stuff like, 'I guess ...

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