For My Dream

They say that the more you practice that the better you will get...but where do you start? I find myself struggling with the new homework that sits in front of me. 

Math, I grumble. Such awful stuff. It wouldn't be so bad if it had just remained numbers but now they are adding letters. I find my gaze wandering toward the window. It is such a beautiful day outside. Normally I'm not one to even want to step foot outside but on days where there is homework I find myself a little more open to the idea of it. I smile ruefully as I gaze across the street. I see a group of kids hooting and hollering, chasing each other in what looks like a game of tag. I find myself sighing in wishfulness. I wish I was outside playing tag, too. 

I sat in silence for a few moments prepping myself for the inevitable. I feel the urge to procrastinate get stronger. My resistance starts to fade and my mind starts to wander yet again, thinking about my day, my best friend, my crush....

All of a sudden I slap my cheeks. "Okay! I need to pull myself out of this funk and get started!" I try pumping myself up. I may hate math but to reach my dreams I must presevere. 

I pull my books toward me and start reviewing the lesson. The words morph and form into characters I swear I have never seen before. I find myself gulping in an attempt to overcome the sudden overwhelming feeling that creeps in. 

I take a deep breath again and glance at the gibberish written on the pages. "Oh. That's why I don't understand it." I feel myself growing red with embarrassment. I had opened up my friend's Japanese book instead of my math book. I must've swapped bags with her by mistake. We have that same bag so it's of no surprise that this has happened. We both even joked about it happening. "It looks like it finally did," I mutter.

I root through the rest of her books to see if she had her math book. "Success!" I shout when I realize she does. This means I wouldn't have to take a failed grade. My friend lived out in the country so there was no way I'd be able to travel to get to her. At least not until my parents got home.

I sigh in relief as I realize I had dodged a lecture. I love them to death but they would seriously bore me to tears with another thirty minute lecture.

I pull the math book toward me and flip to the lesson, sighing in relief yet again when I recognize the words and numbers written there. Tears prick my eyes and I bat them away with several flutters of my eyelashes. I can do this. 

I struggle through the first few problems while slowly gaining confidence. Proud of getting that much done, I find myself thinking about taking a break. I look up at the clock and realize an hour has passed by already. The sun is setting outside and the kids playing had dispersed. The street lamps have begun to turn on.

My eyes bulge. "Yikes! At this rate I'll be up all night!" I feel my heart sinking. I scramble to get back to work and begin to flip through the pages in our math book to see where the assignment ends. "Two more pages to go," I reel in shock. Am I going to be able to get this done? I think about my current grade in math. I could not afford to take a zero on this. That added to my pride wouldn't allow it. I grit my teeth.

Recovering from my shock, I see a piece of paper sticking out of the textbook. Curious, I pull it from the book and realize it's my friend's math homework. It's completed, too. 

A twisted idea starts to develop. What if I just copied this? I'd be done in a matter of minutes. I feel a smug smile slowly spread across my face. I could then spend my night how I want. I could read my favorite books. I could watch those movies I have piled up in my room. Better yet, I could-!

"No." 

It escapes my mouth before I even realize it. "I must do this without cheating." I feel the smug grin give way. I clench my teeth and using all my willpower I shove her paper in the back of the book, slamming the other four hundred and some pages of the math book back on top of it. I let out a breath that I had been holding and strangely enough my heart feels at ease with this decision. My mind syncs up and sweeps the thoughts of cheating and underserved free time out and my body settles in with a relaxed but ready for war feeling. "This is for my dream." Determination takes over and slowly but surely I learn the lesson and complete the assignment one problem at a time.

Seven o'clock, seven thirty, eight o'clock, eight thirty. I slip downstairs for a quick dinner and head back up. 

Nine o'clock, Nine thirty, ten o'clock. I hear my parents come home. They call up to me but I ignore them knowing that if it was really important they'd stomp up the stairs and burst through my door to get my attention. My homework continues to consume my thoughts. 

I work and work and work like I have never worked before chanting over and over "It's for my dream. It's for my dream."

At long last I complete the final problem and shut the math book with a sense of pride. Relief fills my body with warm and I feel myself tear up a bit before dragging myself to bed to get at least a few hours of shut eye. My head hits the pillow and my eye lids immediately slam shut. Well done, I think to myself. Very well done.

In the morning I hand my friend back her bag. "Oh wow. You had a rough night, huh, panda eyes?" She teases me.

Instead of retorting back to her sarcasm with some of my own, I yawn sleepily back and say, "Yeah, but it's all worth it." I look toward the sky and smile because it truly was worth it. For my dream.