While I Tend My Garden

           It had been a long winter, that’s end could not have come soon enough. With the sun shining brightly in the sky people were once again stepping outside their doors after hibernating for the past several months. The exchanged heavy jackets for light raincoats and toques for baseball caps. No more did people need to wake up a little earlier before work to heat up the car and scrape off the ice-covered windows. Spring was finally here!

           Like many others who had only left their homes when necessary, Evelyn Koki was stepping outside for the first time since the snow arrived. When the warmth of the sun touched her pale coloured skin, she let out a loud sign. For Evelyn this winter had been harder than most for it was the first on her own. During the cold months all she could do was think and in doing so she felt more trapped than ever. Trapped under a weight of grief that was too heavy to bear. This new season, therefore, brought about a new beginning, a new chapter even, in her life. A chapter focused on life and remembering what if felt like to smile.

           For many years Evelyn’s husband had been ill forcing her to make many sacrifices to care for him. The children she imagined dancing about in the gardens out back were a dream that could never happen. In fact, the garden she had once loved tending to was as withered as the man she looked down upon. Although she cared for him deep, she often felt as if her life was simply passing her by, as if she too was laying in that bed. Then, when he finally passed away last fall all she could do was sit in her old chair and watch as the snow fell. Cutting off her friends and much of her family, there was no one around to give her words of comfort and to teach her how to live again.

           When the snow began to melt, and the birds started returning she still sat in that same old chair. Dishes were piled high in the sink ready to fall at the slightest wrong move. The mailman no longer had any room to shove in another overdue bill in her mailbox. While the world continued to move forward, Evelyn was left paralyzed. Much of her adult life had been spent caring for a man who was no longer there; what was she to do now? What could she do when her reason for living was no longer around? What was the point of anything if she had lost her purpose in life?

           Sitting in her chair looking out at the smiling faces of those excited for the new season, Evelyn could not help but feel worse, envious of their joy. Then one day something changed. While gazing out her living room window a bluebird came and perched on the windowsill. He looked up at her with wonder and for the first time in a long time Evelyn had the slightest smile resting upon her face. After watching each other for some time she went into the kitchen and grabbed a piece of old bread. She opened the window ever so carefully and shared piece by piece with the bird, and for some reason instead of flying away he simply began to eat. When he was done, he started to sing the most joyous tune Evelyn had ever heard. Amazing yet a few bluebirds perched in a nearby tree joined in creating a beautiful chorus.

In that moment Evelyn forgot all about her grief. No longer was the sky grey or the sound of children laughing so hard to hear. Tears streaming down her face, for once Evelyn was crying for joy rather than pain and it felt amazing. How such a simple thing could change her whole perspective, how it could help her remember how to smile again. Hesitant she walked to the back door and stepped out into the warmth of the sun, releasing a sign so heavy with relief. Though the pain of her loss was still there, this was the first step towards what Evelyn knew was a new chapter of her life. A chapter focused on remembering what she once loved to do, and she knew exactly where to start.

It had been a long time since Evelyn had tended to her garden that was once renowned for its beauty and subtle details. Getting dirty it felt great to pull out the old weeds that were chocking out her rainbow coloured flowers. Washing old statues, fountains and her stone bench felt like she was washing away all the darkness of her own life. It did not matter than her knees ached or that her nails were caked with dirt, this was the first time in a long time that Evelyn was able to take care of herself. And while she did, she sang along to the bluebird’s tune.

           Once known for her beautiful voice, Evelyn had stepped away from singing with her church choir, but now she knew it was something that she could do again. Singing loud and singing proud, she sang as she cared for her garden. Neighbours nearby could hear her soulful toon and knew that this spring would be different not only for her, but for themselves. Her neighbours as well as herself could again see a future where she would invite others over to enjoy tea in her garden where she might even put on a performance. Many things that she had not done in some time were now possible to do again. And although her husband still remained in the back of her mind, she knew that he would want her to move forward in her life and that is exactly what she planned to do.

           She thought all this while she tended to her garden and when she had finished for the day she laid down on the lawn. Breathing ever so slowly she looked up to the sky with hope. Watching as the clouds created shapes of rabbits, planes and dinosaurs, while the damp ground tickled her arms. Ants crawled along her legs, a butterfly flew overhead and the bluebirds continued to sing in chorus. These small details that had once brought joy again put a smile on Evelyn’s face and with the closing of her eyes and a final sign of relief, she knew that everything would be okay.