The Phobia

This is it. This is what all those therapy sessions and deep breathing techniques led up to. I want to face my fear head on, I don’t want this to hold me back from exploring the rest of the world around me. Man oh man! Do I feel wrong…Here I stand right in front of my biggest fear and I hate it. I hate it so much that I start to feel bile rise up to my throat just like the last few times I’ve tried to conquer my fear. I can hear my blood drumming in my ears and my heart lodged itself in my gut. I could barely hear anything, everything sounded muffled except for the sound of my fear in front of me and around me. 

I closed my eyes and focused on my rapid breathing to try and slow it down. “Okay, I can do this. I know I can…” I muttered encouragement after encouragement till I opened my eyes and looked toward the subject of my disdain. “…Nope!”

I shook my head and I started to turn around only to find the world around me…tipping? Crap… My foot slipped and instead of landing on my face I was watching my fear coming to greet me in the most horrific way possible. It was as if every thing was happening in slow motion that it felt like I had enough time to react but I knew I didn’t. Hell! I could flap my arms like a bird all I want...so I did. My arms flapped and flapped till a comical realization hit me, “I have no feathers!!” And I fell with those words possibly being my last in life.

That’s right, I just accepted my fate and fell right into the wet embrace of the unforgiving ocean that I have tried to avoid because of the things I’ve seen on movies. Yeah, that’s right. I have an irrational fear of the open sea and I don’t like it but I’m only human going into an early watery grave. Sure, I know how to swim but did my shell shocked brain remember that? Nope! Not at all, instead it was too focused on feeling the water against my skin as I sunk lower and lower, my limbs tucked into me like an armadillo. Muscle memory though? Pfft! Forget it, that swam away along with my logic soon as I realized that I fell off the dock. 

Do I dare open my eyes? What will I see if I do? Sharks? I hope not. Fish? Pretty much. Dolphines? Well…now that perked my interest. Slowly but surely, I did unfold myself from a rolled up ball. I carefully peeked one eye open then slowly the other as I took in the colorful school of fish swimming around then I gazed down slightly to see crabs scuttling along the sandy floor. I looked up to watch the fish as they danced in the water, completely forgetting why I was afraid of the ocean in the first place. 

I continued to watch the fish, my gaze following them as they swam past me only to nearly jump out of my skin as I came face to face with a half naked man who seemed to be my age and- wait…why is he half naked? Being a slight pervert, I looked down and my eyes widened. Why does he have a fish tail?! Why the hell did I look down!? Did I see him holding a spear!?! I looked at his face, noticing the bright haunting blue eyes and gray mottled patches along dark skin. Then he smiled. Serrated teeth smiled! 

Craaaap… I’m going to die today. Yeap, this is where I die just because I wanted to face my fear of the ocean but look where that got me. I am going to be fish food for this creature and wow he’s got a lot of muscle. Focus! This thing could eat me right no- what is he doing? I watched him reach for me. Gods…I, Naryse Witchazle, regret nothing except not shaving my step-father’s fat head with hot wax. 

He reached for me with a clawed hand, dangerously sharp claws and my heart pounding I swear he could hear it. Then fight or flight kicked in. I choose flight cause no way was I going to win this at all and if I did, what was I going to use? My imagination? A crab skittering beneath me? Nope, I’m swimming for my life! I went for the surface but I could see the surface it too far and just realizing that was enough for me to panic even more as my lungs felt like they were burning. Burning lungs? Oh no, I been in the water for too long and I’m too deep. I can’t do it! It’s too much! I almost froze out of fear but this time, the fear of dying.

Focus! I won’t accept this! Without looking back at the source of my possibly new found fear, I had to at least try to get back to the surface but trying wasn’t enough. Darkness was already creeping in at the edge of my view. The urge to breathe was too much. Come on! Come on! I kept swimming to the surface but it was too late, “no!” I shouted out the breath I was trying to keep in. Darkness claimed me as my body started to feel like it was sinking stone. 

I was floating and it felt like something was pulling me. Was I being pulled deeper into the ocean? Or away, further away from shore? I don’t know but I guess this really is it for me. 

Soon I woke up coughing up water, desperately trying to breathe while I frantically scanned my surroundings. “What? Who?” I greedily took deep breaths, my lungs rejoicing. “How did I get here?” Did I wash ashore but that couldn’t be, the waves were calm maybe…? I shook my head as that other thought couldn’t be possible. A merman or mermaids don’t exist. I must have hallucinated the whole thing because of the freak out that I had soon as I fell in. Right? RIGHT? I rubbed my face then I realized, “I did it and I’m still alive!” I hopped up to my feet and danced around then pointed at the ocean, “take that! You’re not that scary!” I shouted then saw a shark fin sticking up out of the water. “…..” I blinked a few times, “I’m going back to therapy…” I flopped back onto the sand where I felt safer. 

Fin!