Echoes of a Lost Desire

April 6, 1988

“You're still in love with him, aren't you my dear?”Kuzgun asked in almost a mocking tone as he sat beside me in the garden that lays beside the lake in the forest behind Grandpa's old house that now feels like home as the birds chirped in the distance and the wind blew softly against their skin.

“It doesn’t matter anymore Raven, he’s gone and I can’t get him back he’s better off with someone who trusts him and who doesn’t always have to question every little thing” Arabelle replied as she stared down into the clear stream as she went off into her own little world.

Kuzgun sat beside her and put a comforting hand on her shoulder snapping her back to reality for a little while “It’s going to be okay my dear, we both know that you love him dearly and we both know that he loves you, your his first love after all, who knows maybe just maybe God would bring you two back together somehow at the right timing okay” his turning from mocking to concerned as he tried desperately to convince his best friend that everything will be okay. 

“I know it will but it hurts either way he was my everything, Raven, he was my home, My love” Nix chuckled as she said, “I have so many things to say to him, but it’s better if I just let him live don’t you think.”

“Do you know the red string of fate theory ravn?” Nix asked as she continued to look into the stream.

Kuzgun looked at her confused “Red string of fate?” he asked. 

“Hm, it’s quite a beautiful tale really it’s about two people being intertwined by an invisible line and no matter how it gets tangled yet it never breaks that’s how I see us you know me and Vester it was honestly just beautiful and as much as I wouldn’t admit it to him I would love him forever,” Nix said with adoration dripping from her tone.

“I never knew someone could be so enchanted with love but you my dear oh how fascinating it is really,” Raven said with admiration in his eyes as he chuckled and looked at the blue sky, a beauty that no one appreciates in this modern time.

April 9, 1988

It was a cold night when I was walking home that’s when I saw him standing on my front porch almost looking conflicted I wondered if he should knock or not, I smiled for a short while for I was happy that he had come it then reality hit me like a rock he came I repeated in my head over and over again as if I’m not the one that wrote him 2 days ago.

5 Minutes that’s all it took, that’s all it took for me to run to him, 5 minutes that’s all it took for me to crash into his arms, 5 minutes that’s all it took for me to break down and cry into his arms.

Pathetic, aren't you crying into the arms of the same person who stabbed you in the back twisted the knife and watched you bleed!!! You're just pathetic and weak, no wonder he takes you for a fool. My thoughts mocked as I cried harder into Xander’s arms.

“Ma biche,{My bunny}” Xander said as he comforted me “Shh it’s okay I’m here now my love,” he said as he took out my keys from my black bag and brought me inside only to lay me down and comfort me.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, You're so stupid and pathetic My thoughts continued, it’s funny how your mind can be your worst enemy.

That’s the last thought that came to mind as I cried myself to sleep in my past lover's arms as he played with my curly black hair and song Lalabye to comfort my racing mind.

Flashback [December 30, 1987]

Silence is what Nix was surrounded by as she sat knee down on the church floor as tears rolled down her chocolate-coloured cheek her heart broke into a million pieces you could almost hear as the strings tore string after string after the pain was unbearable she had no choice but turned back to the only person that she knew would listen.

“Father, can God love a damaged soul such as my own?” Arabelle’s voice was so soft it was almost audible.

Silence 

5 minutes nothing

25 minutes nothing 

30 minutes nothing

35 minutes nothing 

Nothing but the broken sobs of a broken soul Arabelle the angel of a woman that God made so perfectly only for this cruel world to break her, “God I’m broken, I’m damaged how could you ever love something so broken” she screamed hoping she would get an answer but neither the less she was grateful, she can not see him but yet she has faith for she knows he will come through for her.

5 minutes nothing

25minutes nothing 

30 minutes nothing

That’s until a voice from above said “My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” 

August 21, 1988

“Arabelle my dear friend, are you still waiting on that callous man you call lover,” Kazgun said as he sat beside near the pond just like they did four months ago.

Belle laughed “Of course not my love, I’ve gotten very accustomed to his absence actually which is funny don’t you think so love?” Belle asked in a humorous tone.

“Yes indeed it is, O how have grown in such a short time dear, I mean you would cry on end and sit by this very pond in all black waiting for him to come back, you would think someone died,” Kazgun replied looking at her with an unnoticed glint.

“Yes, Yes no need to remind me of all those months but I also learned something during my time of ‘grief’” Belle said as she looked down into the clear water as the koi fishes swam so elegantly about.

“Pray do tell me what you learnt, my dear?” Kazgun grasped Belle’s chin so she could look at him.

“I-um well, I learned that you can’t force a man who’s in love with someone else to love you or to see your value and your worth” Belle stuttered out as she put her hands on his chest and looked up in his ocean blues eyes.

“Will you marry me?” Kazgun asked breathlessly 

“What??” Arabelle exclaimed 

“I’ve been in love with you since the day we met, I want to treat you as the Queen you are I want to worship the very ground you walk my love, Arabelle will you marry me?” Kazgun asked again 

“Yes,” Arabelle said then kissed Kazgun passionately.