Scary Courage

I am awake with the sound of police siren , do not know why my heart was pounding fast ! I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down . The crescent of the moon is appeared in the sky , I glance at Mary whom the light is shining her little kind face and makes her like an angel , when I looked at her beautiful face , I would feel better and not afraid of nothing , but I don't know what is happening to me that even looking at her face makes me to be worry . Mary is closing her little brown eyes and tries to fall asleep , I do not like to see her sleeping when I can not even move my eyes , my feelings are against me and do not let me to sleep again ! Honestly , I am so scared of closed eyes and can not tolerate them ! This fearsome fear begins from a month ago , i remember it clearly ، it was at night and I could not sleep alone , because of ugly monster that i saw in the dream ! when i entered into dad's room he was sitting on his bed and wiped away his tears quickly , dad asked me to hug him , his eyes were full of fears but he still smiled at me , his smile was so scary ! I knew that he was lying to me with his smile , very scary lies ! He wanted to show me that nothing had happened ! He did not get fired from his job and We still had enough money to have a good life! I knew all of those were lie , but , but that moment ,I just needed a good feeling to got me out from the shadows ! While I was hugging dad , I felt something else too , his heart was pounding fast ! . We fell asleep on the bed , I remember , I had no dreams that night , everywhere was white and I was tired of it , there were no songs , no monsters , even no scary lies ! On the morning , when I opened my eyes , saw dad's closed eyes , whatever i called him he did not open his eyes ! They told us , he had a heart attack in the sleep , I felt his heart ache but I do not think his heart killed him ; Those scary cruel lies strangled him on the sleep ! The sound of another police siren came and stopped me thinking about dad . Mary has opened her eyes again , she looked nervously with her little light brown eyes at me : ' Are scared of police siren too , Jack ? ' She asked . Yes , I am scared of it and my hands are very cold again ! I feet my heart ache more and more , every words that I tell to Mary will increase this heart ache ! But I tell no scary lies to nobody , only try to not show my fearsome fears ! Dad always liked to have brave children , but look at us now , dad ! We are even scare of the voice of a siren which a cat won't afraid of ! Although , a siren police does not remind something for a cat but reminds me my mom's terrified face !How can I forgot that day , when she was handcuffed and was shouting : ' I just did that for my poor children ! ' and also reminds me Mary's face , her tears were dropping on her face and trying to give mom's hands . Police told us , they arrested her for crime of theft , I knew that ! because mom's hands were aching when she came back from her work , but I do not believe this was the only reason ! These handcuffs were her scary lies which mom told us when she came home at late night : ' Hey Jack ! You know what's happened today ? ' She said and smiled , a scary smile , : ' I found a really good job ! Oh , sorry kids ! we were busy until now ! But I have a good news , my buss gave me this money to help us ! He loves you so much ! ' She was saying these repeatedly every night and we believed them every scary night . When dad had gone , we had a half lonely souls but mom has gone too and , we are completely lonely ! There was no choice , no food , no money and nobody came for helping ! We just had a house , staying at this home is taste like a bitter chocolate ! You are happy for having it but the bitter taste will make you to not think about sweet things !And this feelings forced us to have a scary courage , : ' What should we do now , Jack ? We will wait for mommy , right ? She told herself to me , Slowly , like this !' Mary makes her voice slowly to show me how mom talked to her , when she said her last words before going to the jail . ': Aren't you hungry ? Aren't you tired of this life ? ' I told her angrily , could not control myself that time , I am only eight years older than her ! How can I make this ? suddenly I remembered dad's words which he always told us : ' If someone or something bother you and wanted to break your sweet heart , just leave it ! Don't let them break your kind feelings ! ' ; we listened to you dad ! but maybe we should waited , sometimes eating a bitter chocolate is better than to be hungry ! I hug Mary tightly and stroked her short brown hair , she gazed at me and said : ' Jack ! Let's count each cars that pass ! Maybe we can fall asleep like that ! ' She sighs lightly ; It seems , our souls are disappointed of having a good life , good family or even a good sleep ! I really missed that ugly monsters , wish to see them again , on own bed ! I promise do not run away from them , will wait to see what they are trying to tell me ! I kissed Mary's white soft cheek , her cheeks are cold too ; probably she missed her nightmares too ! tell to Mary slowly : ' You're right ! Sleeping on the street is so scary ! '