J's Story

“The banality of evil corrupts one’s humanity. Swiftly and mercilessly,” said Mr. Winston on the first day of senior English. I understood the philosophical construct but not its application on a personal level. But I do now. Maybe I could’ve avoided the pain and mess I’m in, if I’d recognized my own failings before acquiescing so easily. Mr. Winston reminded me later that foresight is wasted on the blind.

xxx

I sat in the middle row second seat. Edwin Rice Cooper was two rows behind me surrounded on all four corners by his posse. Churchill Height’s athlete of the year, three years running, was tall, muscular, six pack abs visible through his tight t-shirts. Many students felt adoration was his due and wanted to be associated with his cool vibe. I came to learn Edwin was a stereotype of what he needed to portray to the world. When you’re the son of the mayor, grandson of the founder of Cooper Mills, entitlements are yours for the picking, from students as well as adults; but, expectations are also demanded. Some teachers, certainly Mr. Winston was one, saw us through the lens of multi dimensional complicated characters, heroes and villains alike, who stood or fell on our own merits. Edwin had to keep feeding that image lest the curtain fall and his true self became visible; a voracious appetite I discovered.

“Let’s examine the character of Lady Macbeth,” Mr. Winston said as we opened our texts that first week of the fall semester.

 “Edwin, how would you describe Lady Macbeth at the start of the play?”

“Well, Mr. Winston, she certainly was…” for effect, he waited three seconds to deliver his punch line…”no lady,” standing and high fiving those around him.

Never ruffled, Mr. Winston agreed with his assessment and moved on knowing that Edwin’s ego had been satisfied for the time being.

“J, would you like to add to Winston’s insightful comment?

Even though I was smart, well, really smart, (the school had me tested when I was ten but my parents refused to send me to a gifted school. Hope they don’t blame themselves now for that decision.), I found it difficult to speak in class or any group for that matter. Mr. Winston knew this and was never demanding, always leaving the choice to me.

“I find Lady Macbeth to be…manipulative and eager…”

“Can’t hear ya J. Speak LOUDER,” someone, who I think was Cameron, yelled from the back only to receive one of Mr. Winston’s raised eyebrow rebukes.

“Continue J,” he said.

“Well, if her husband had total power, it would increase her own. She’s cunning. Ready to do whatever’s necessary to get what she wants, even if she suffers,” I finished quietly.

He rarely offered his own opinion but pitched ideas for us to think about and discuss. Read, think, reflect, prove, and then find your own understanding was his mantra. That and “peel the onion” to see what possibilities lay at the core. Wish I had peeled the onion thoroughly and did a lot more reflection. I guess when you want to belong, that clear eye Mr. Winston encouraged us to develop, becomes a cloudy impediment. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

At lunch, two days later, one of Edwin’s posse sat beside me in the cafeteria and took my rice krispie square.

“That’s pretty good. Thanks,” he said as he devoured it in two easy bites. “Cooper wants to speak to you. Now,” he ordered getting up expecting me to follow without question. Which I did as quickly as I could pack the rest of my lunch and grab my back pack. Imagine what it feels like to walk a gangplank knowing that no good can come at the end? That’s how I felt as everyone turned and watched me heading towards Edwin’s table where he was surrounded by his court jesters.

Edwin had a spot emptied beside him and gestured for me to sit. I had to tamp down my anxiety as all eyes examined me as though I was today’s sacrificial offering. I could almost hear the sharpening of knives eager for blood sport.

“Sit,” he said as he gestured for everyone to leave. He looked me square in the eyes. Straight on. No blinking. Him not me.

“J, I have a proposition that could be…beneficial to both of us,” he began as I kept my head down staring at my white sneakers. “Ya know I’m going to be athlete of the year again,” he said as though this was a foregone conclusion. “I need a big trifecta if I’m going to get a spot in one of the top tier universities. Right now, my GPA isn’t gonna quite cut it.”

I didn’t think this was any big revelation. Great, so he wants me to do his work for him, I thought. Just like other jerk jocks. The bell rang before he finished so I stood, picked up my backpack ready to head to Math class.

“We’re not finished here,” he said. “This needs to get settled as the deadline is Monday before the end of classes.”

I had never intentionally skipped a class before. Didn’t want to start now but was intrigued by his idea of something that could be mutually beneficial to two such different people. Besides, I could teach that Math class. So, I sat down and listened, intrigued.

“Ya probably know two things happen next week. Editor of the Churchill Chronicle and Student Council President applications are due. Editor needs to pass Mr. Winston’s criteria… not a big fan of me, probably doesn’t know the difference between a full back and half back. And Student Council applications are in the hands of VP Florio. Had a run in with her last year when chickens were released in the hall in front of the main office. Remember that? Kind of difficult to corral twenty-five frightened squawking birds,” he laughed. I nodded, uncertain what any of this had to do with me. “This is what I’m thinking,” he continued. “If we go in as a team, me Editor, you Co Editor, me President, you Vice President, we would be a winning combo. Staff would accept me because of you and students would accept you because of me. We can’t miss J,” he finished swigging the rest of his coke. “With this on my resume, it should be enough to get into one of the schools.”

“Well Edwin…” he held up his hand to stop me.

“It’s Cooper or Coop, J.”

“Ok…Cooper. I see how this might benefit you but I’m not certain about the ‘mutual’ part,” I said.

“Don’t you see J? If we’re a team, you’d be seen as cool…not just a nerd, but a cool nerd. Maybe we could teach each other some new things…an added bonus to our collaboration.”

“Just to be clear Ed…Cooper. You’ll be the face of the Editor and President and I’ll be in the background pumping out the ideas and doing the work?” I managed to say knowing he needed me more than I did him.

“Mostly,” he answered without hesitation but added to my surprise when he said, “I’m not as dumb or one-dimensional as you may think J. Just interested in different things. Need to know your decision by Monday morning...Gotta go. Here’s my cell. Text me when you’ve decided,” he said as he stood and strode away through the double doors that led to the gym.

I took a couple of deep breaths before I left. Why not, I thought as I'd planned to work on the paper anyway. Should have listened to Mr. Winston’s advice to stop, think about all possible outcomes before making a decision. That night I texted YES to Cooper sealing my fate with three letters.

After English class on Tuesday morning, Mr. Winston asked me to remain for a few minutes. Something to discuss, he said. I knew it wasn’t about the upcoming test or my proposed essay thesis.   

“I see you've submitted your name as Co-Editor for the school paper together with Edwin’s. Are you sure about this, J? Have you considered it carefully?” he asked, clearly apprehensive about this unusual partnership.

“Yes, sir,” I lied. “Think we could learn from each other. Haven’t you always said to be open to new possibilities in life? Ones you’ve never thought about before,” throwing back his own words which is a difficult argument to refute.      

 “Be careful J. If you need me, you know where to find me.” And with that I became the author of my nightmare.

xxx

The paper got rolling, VP Florio approved our proposals for upcoming school events and I was now pseudo cool. Cooper would flit in and out of the offices, when it didn’t conflict with his team practices, sign whatever was needed and give the rest of the team pep talks and congratulatory speeches. The other students were ok with this as he left them alone and deferred to my judgement.

It was one month into our routine when Cooper invited me to hang out at his house to finish up some proposed items on the Student Council agenda for next semester. Surprised? Sure, but curiosity got the better of me. I rang his doorbell at exactly seven Thursday night.

“Hey J. Welcome to the mayor’s humble abode,” he said, extending his arm around the palatial hall and elaborate fixtures. “Let’s sit outside. Ya wanna coke or something?” he asked leading the way to the back of the house.

“No. Thanks. Let’s get started.”

We sat across from each other under the shade of the covered patio. Cooper was not his usual gregarious and loquacious self. Flat, like a popped balloon, I thought.

“Look J, tonight I had a battle with my parents about…never mind, before they left for another campaign fund-raising meeting. My father's shooting to be Senator. I needed to be around someone I could trust. Not one of the minions. Just be me, Edwin. For just a couple of hours with someone who has no expectations or demands of star Cooper. You understand?” he explained. This time I didn’t blink and looked him straight in the eye.

I felt I'd travelled to a parallel universe where everything was new, untethered to my perception of reality. I loved it. That night, I learned Edwin Alice Cooper was “not as dumb” as people thought. Witty, thoughtful…scared, like the rest of us, and most worried about not meeting the high bar of parental expectations.

We continued like this for most of the semester. Faux co-workers at school, friends in the evening. It was not long before I hoped for more than friendship. My attraction to Edwin grew which made me question my beliefs. Let’s be honest here. Who really knows what lays at the core of another person? Did I really know him? Or myself? Not necessarily. What I knew was that I started to love Edwin Rice Cooper, a protected fortress guarded by cowardly sycophants.

Two months before the end of the semester, we were together in Edwin’s bedroom listening to an Oldies’ radio station. He was unusually quiet and morose. Impulsively, I sat beside him on his bed and hugged him and yes kissed him. He looked at me strangely and asked, “Are you sure you want to do this, J?” No, I thought, I’m not sure. But yes, I want to do it.

Deception is hard to maintain in public. It all needs to be camouflaged. We were successful and started to plan for next year. I knew I would get accepted to any school and would wait to see where Edwin got in before I made my decision. I was now planning my future with him which was about to be thwarted when he got his English mark from Mr. Winston.

“Not looking good, J. Winston refuses to give me extra credit for being Editor. Said he knows who really does all the writing. Says it’s not principled. Principled, for fuck's sake. This is my future we’re talking about,” he said hitting the table hard with his hand. “My parents even tried. Nothing. Nada.”

“I could help you study. We…”

“No. That’s not gonna do it. I need something big. A …something to make him change his mind,” he said with little conviction.

Less than a week later, Edwin’s mood was euphoric. Like he’d won the championship game single-handedly. When we were together that night, he revealed his plan.

“Found out from Cameron that Winston and Mrs. Florio are having an affair. Can you believe it? He saw them in Winston’s office when he was early for his appointment. Managed to get a picture of them on his cell. Here, have a look,” he said holding up his phone to me. “Thinks he’s so principled,” he mumbled to himself. “Now, he has to help me.”

I didn’t grasp how this was going to help Edwin. My mind didn’t yet sink to his level of cruel desperation and my own complicity.

“Don’t you see, J? With this picture, Winston will have to change my mark or I’ll…let everyone know of his sleazy adulterous affair. They’ll probably get fired. We’re in control now.”

“That’s blackmail,” I said even though I knew it was a solution to us being together next year. “You can’t do this.”

“We, you and me. We’re going to do this together, J,” he replied as I sank to the floor. “I’ll present the case, in a reasonable way, to Winston. Give him twenty-four hours to change my mark or we’ll post the picture, front page, in the last edition of the semester’s paper. You’ll write the headline and article…include stuff about honesty, integrity…hypocrisy.”

I recalled the lines from Macbeth about false face hiding the false heart feeling I now best understood those words. I committed to being his partner in this crime.

Waiting for Edwin to return from meeting with Mr. Winston, I slept. I took the cowardly way out rather than face my doubts and conscience. He arrived at my house at five. I could tell from the look on his face that things did not go the way we expected.

“Winston said no. He called Florio and she agreed with him. He put her on speaker phone and she said the deception stops now, tonight. Called our bluff.”

“So, it’s over," I said breathing a sigh of relief. "You’ll just have to take the class at summer school,” I suggested.

Edwin screamed at me. “I can’t! You know I’ve been accepted into training camp. That’s it, J. We’re going to print the picture and story. We haven’t lost. At best, it’s a tie. I never lose. Cooper's never lose.”

I capitulated, wrote the headline and the article where I skewered Mrs. Florio and Mr. Winston. The paper sold out in the school canteen the morning it was released.

Edwin and I were suspended that afternoon. I had time to do plenty of thinking about Mr. Winston’s warning at the start of the semester. I was blind to my need to belong and be loved that I failed to stop this catastrophe. I had the power to do so: I wasn't forced to write the article, I could've gone to the principal, my parents, Mr. Winston, anyone. I failed to do the right thing. Instead, I blindly followed and was now a member in the banality of evil club.

On Friday morning, my parents sat on either side of me as we waited outside the principal’s office. Edwin had met with her yesterday. I learned of his expulsion from Cameron who got a month’s suspension for his part. I too expected to be summarily expelled. A swift and just punishment.

Mrs. Hillson opened the principal’s door and announced, “J, Ms. Reilly will see you and your parents.”

A month later, I received an unexpected note.

“Jerome, I forgive you. Remember, there is none so blind as one who refuses to see. Take your mistakes with you and when you’ve learned the lesson drop them or their weight will bury you. Mr. Winston.”