Shed or sail

Both women were done. One had a patch of scalp missing, the other one had shoes that didn’t match and clothes that were askew. “Did you get it, did you get it?” the mismatched one asked. “How can you even ask me that?” she sighed. “Look at me does it look like I got a room? If I got a room , I’d be in it. Do you think I’d be sittin here on the stoop with you if I had a place to lay my head.?”

“Yougot a point there. I just thought you might be sitting next to me because we’re friends.” “What gives you that idea?” the one with the missing hair asked. “Well, we have been seeing each other at every housing lottery for months now.”

“That’s hardly a reason to be friends.” “I’ve seen more of you than my mother.” “That’s not surprising considering she’s dead.” “I still looked at her photo on the mantle till I lost the house and her photo too.”

“We could be roommates. We could stop racing to housing lotteries and battling our way to the tickets and actually share a place.” The women turned towards each other, their eyes met and both said “Nah” at the same time

. “I’m sure with a nose like that you probably snore.” “And with all those jelly rolls you’d probably break every chair.!” “How dare you poke my fat. “ A swift slap to the offending finger followed. Then the fat one snorted like a snore. A elbow jabbed a rib and the two women started to fight, one yanking more hair

“Ow that hurt.” “Did not” “Did too.” The landlord came out of the building and shooed the two women away. “Where to now?”

“What’s next on the housing list.?” “Dorchester.” “Roxbury” “Cambridge.” “Nobody’s going to let you in looking like that two shoes that don’t match? Buttons missing.

“You with the missing hair? You have alot of nerve commenting on my appearance.” “Face it, nobody’s going to welcome either of us. “ “I think we should go on a cruise.” The messy one said. “Are you nuts?” “No, I look at cruises all the time. Cheaper than rent. Meals included. Not having to tote your stuff all day.”

“Seasick, I’d be puking.” “You could eat ginger, there are pills for motion sickness.”

“Titanic. It could sink. I’d be scared the whole time. “

“You could wear a life vest. We could get an obstructed view cabin right next to the lifeboats.”

“Why, so we can be the first in the lifeboat when the ship sinks?”

“Sure. That’ll work.”

“What if I’m at the buffet? Or playing shuffleboard when the iceberg, or whale, or a torpedo hits?”

“ Torpedo? Where do you think we’re going? Cruise ships don’t go into war zones very often.”

“Oh no? What about the Lusitania. Poo people never saw it coming.”

“We could take a cruise to Puerto Rico.” “You’re nuts. Too close to Cuba. Isn’t there a Russian warship close to Cuba right now?”

“Well wait till it leaves. We’ll carry poppyseed cakes with us, offer Vodka.” “You think of everything!”

“I need a room. I’m flexible. Housing is hard to come by. Doesn’t a few weeks in a nice cabin on a repositioning cruise sound good”

“It sounds like hell. I’ll be eating and puking the whole time! You’ll be dancing and swimming, playing pickleball, and taking saunas in the spa and I’ll be puking!”

“I don’t care about the entertainment I won’t be dancing. I’ll be sitting on a lounge chair, watching the water and reading a book.”

“Here watch this.” the hair deficient one said holding a water bottle in front of the cruise wanna be’s face.” The bottle was full and the woman took it and chugged the water, wiping her lip. Both women walked awhile.

“Why do you want a reposition cruise?” “Long and cheap. Not as many people, quieter. More water to look at.”

“Oh yeah now you’re really scaring me. We’ll be way off shore in the middle of the ocean and then it’ll sink. Will the coast guard come and get us?”

“ Depends where we are. Boy, you’re a nervous Nellie. Boats not going to sink.” “Says the risk taker.”

“ risk taker? Is that what you think of me?”

“Yeah, nobody else would have seriously considered that shed near the recycling facility. And the creepy landlord who showed us the room in his garage. I only went with you because I didn’t think you’d make it out alive. Didn’t you see the padlocks on the door?”

“He seemed pleasant enough. It’s all I could afford. Had nothing to do with risk.”

“Pleasant enough for what? A quick slam of the door. Can I look at the boat first?” “Sure, I look at them every day. They’re all online.”

“ You’re serious aren’t you? You’d live on a boat?”

“I’d live just about anywhere! I’d cruise just about anywhere!” “I need a break from house hunting. It’s a frustrating full time job looking for affordable housing. There is no affordable housing in this country. I’d join the peace corps, live in an RV, camp out in tents. Trying to find housing is assinine. At least cruise ships are easier to book, plentiful, include meals and are reasonable.” She could tell the worry wort was considering a cruise.”

“We could go to Bermuda.”

“Triangle where ships disappear.”

“The Caribbean?” “Hurricanes.” “Mediterranean””Hamas missiles”, “Alaska?”

“Earthquakes. Ice, glaciers and grizzlies” “Pacific ocean cruise?”

“Tsunami.”

“Mississippi River?”

“Maybe.”

“Maybe we can go back to the dump and look at the shed again!”

“Now you’re talking. Shed sounds better than sailing to me.”

“Rats, noise, fumes, pufas pollution. There’s no comparison to pool, lounge chairs, scenery, a vodka mule, hot tubs.” “If we rent the creepy padlock place one of us could keep watch while the other sleeps.”

“Who’s the risk taker now? I’m not renting anyplace where the landlord can lock you in and you can’t get out! I’d consider prison first.”

“Prison? What are you going to do rob a bank?”

“Sure, quiet cell .”

“Show me some cruises a life vest might be better than mug shots and manacles.. but I would probably look better in a jumpsuit than a bathing suit“

”At least your shoes would match.”

The two continued walking. One landlubber and one risk taker, joining all the others trying to find a place to lay their heads.

“We could be roommates.”

“In a cabin?”

“I’d consider it.”

“I won’t consider the shed or the padlock place. I don’t want to end up on Dateline or 20/20. ten years from now when somebody walking their dog hears me knocking on the door with the padlocks” “I might buy you a hairpiece if you’ll cruise with me. “

And Imight buy you a pair of shoes that match.”

“Deal old friend?”

“Deal.”