Nishay Bronte called herself a travelling writer, but really she didn’t have a place to stay and write. She was alone but not lonely, she had all the stories she could write and always had enough food to eat until she got to the next town.
It was early december, the snow was already thick and heavy. But it didn’t matter, Nishay’s car was warm and comfortable, and the radio was blaring some of her favourite songs. She bopped her head to “Feel It” by d4vd and turned onto an exit in the highway. She was driving into the little unknown town of Dim Cartref. Nishay hadn’t heard of the small town before until she was looking at old maps in her glovebox.
Just outside of town, her car stalled to a stop. She pressed on the gas but it backfired and made a spluttering sound. She smacked the steering wheel and yelled. Nishay looked at her fuel tank meter.
“Oh fuck me,” She grumbled. Her car was empty. Turning off the car, she pulled her cell phone out of her coat pocket and called the nearest tow shop. When they told her their shop was two hours away, she sighed and hung up. Nishay was going to be there for a while, so she turned back on her car and made sure the heat was running. There were no passing people or cars that she could ask for help, so she pulled out her janky-ass laptop, powered it on and started to write her newest murder novel, set in a gloomy dark, snow ridden city.
An hour and a half later, she was woken out of her writing trance by a rap-a-taptap on her window. She saved her work and shut the laptop, sitting it on the passenger’s seat. Nishay turned to her window, rolled it down and glared at the disturbance. It was a man, tall with hazelly bronze skin and a mane of black hair. He had piercing green eyes that looked like summer grass. He had one gloved hand on the roof of her car, using it to brace himself as he leaned down.
“Are you alright?” The man had the distinct Maine accent she had been hearing a lot recently.
“Yea, no,” She chuckled. “This dumb vehicle…” She muttered, smacking the steering wheel. Shaking her head, she laughed, “I ran out of gas, right before I could get into Dim Cartref. Do you think you could help a girl out?” Nishay tucked a long caramel curl behind her ear. Her butterfly and raindrop earrings clinked together.
He nodded and gestured to his car. “It’s cold, I could ride you into town to get the gas and we could come back to fill up your car. If you want.”
Nishay wasn’t stupid, she knew that she shouldn’t get into a random car with a random stranger, but she was cold and she was pretty sure this guy, by the looks of his nice and neat car, probably had a working heater. “Sure, if it’s not a problem.” Nishay unbuckled her seat belt, reached into the back seats and pulled out a small bookbag. She shoved her laptop, cell phone, keys, and a small travel pouch that was embroidered with the words “मैं जहाँ भी जाता हूँ तुम्हें अपने साथ ले जाता हूँ”, opened the car door and stepped out into the freezing, icy wind. The man led her to his car, opened the passenger’s side door for her and then shut in when she was inside. He went around to the other side and got in quickly, buckling his seat belt and flicking hair out of his eyes at the same time. He pulled off the side of the road and sped in the direction Nishay was trying to go before her car ran out of gas.
“What’s your name?” He asked
“Nishay Bronte. Yours?” She pulled out her cell and went to her notes app. She quickly wrote down something, waiting for him to answer.
“Jacinto Eulalio.” She typed again on her phone and then turned it off. “What brings you to Dim Cartref? We never have many new people here.”
“I was an outcast hindi princess and I have been doomed to roam the world of America,” She said, a smile on her full lips. Jacinto shifted, sharing the smile.
“A banished hindi princess, huh?” He cocked his head to one side.
“Yep! I would tell you to bow before me, but you’re driving so that would be dangerous.” Jacinto laughed.
“I would believe you, but you don’t seem like a princess, no offense, my lady.”
“Okay, ya caught me. I’m from Cali, but due to reasons, I became a travelling writer.”
Jacinto took a left turn and then a right one. “What reasons?”
“Difficult ones to explain.” Nishay sighed. Her mind flashed to that apartment complex in northern Cali and the people who were inside. Her body remembered the feeling of it all and she nearly gasped with delight.
The town was small and was blanketed in snow and Christmas lights. The green and red lights danced across the snow and caught in the windows of Jacinto’s car. They drove through the town, taking two right turns and a left until they arrived at a small cozy house. While he went into his garage, she opened her cell and reviewed her notes. She had lots of them, divided into all the different places she had gone to since leaving Baldin, California.
Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Nebraska, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire and finally Maine. She had names that went with these places, and faces too. And something else that was a bit more… personal. She dug inside her small bookbag and pulled out the travel pouch. Nishay traced her fingers over the hindi words. She blinked, smiling. Inside this pouch were some things that meant much to her. Some came from her family, one from her boyfriend and then some she picked up here and there. Nishay was lost inside her memories and the embroidery that she didn’t hear when Jacinto opened the door and sat down, buckling his seat belt.
“What’s that you got there?” He asked. Startled, she jumped and shoved it deep inside her bag.
“Some…tokens that mean a lot to me. My sister made me the pouch, and embroidered it herself.” She smiled fondly.
“Your sister, she does good work.” Nishay smiled and nodded as he drove off. Jacinto drove her back to her car and helped her fill it up. She thanked him and got into her own car and buckled up. They both drove back to Dim Cartref, Nishay behind Jacinto.
That night, she ran her car’s heat until around one in the morning. As she warmed up all night, she wrote her latest crime novel. When it reached one, she shut off her laptop, grabbed a small box and got out of her car. She pulled her hood up and huddled in her coat, pulling on some brown leather gloves. She walked down the street, taking two lefts then a right. Finally, she saw the silvery grey mazda that Jacinto was driving. She inspected the lock.
Should be easy, she thought as she began to pick the lock with the tools in her little box. She soon got in and instantly disabled the alarm before it could wake the whole town. As silent as a mouse, Nishay crept into his car and started to search his glove box for anything of value. She found a gardening catalog by a Mrs. Jones and a brochure for a four star hotel. She shut the glove box and checked the other compartments. Inside one, she found twenty dollars.
Nishay took the money and then crept back to her car in the dark. She slipped quietly into her car and slept soundly.
Over here in Utah, a set of teenage twins were found dead in an abandoned theme park with all their teeth, money and their left middle fingers missing. The twins were identified by their shared best friend Carlos Herrans who said their names were Shaun and Tobie Rivera. My heart goes out to their parents and friends.
Over the weeks during her stay at Dim Cartref, she discovered that Jacinto was a mechanic and that he lived with his pet dog and a damn near deceased mother. Nishay also found that she was growing quite attached to Jacinto. She thought he was beautiful and very kind, he had even offered to fix her car’s heater free of charge, but yet….
There has been a dead body found in a lake not far from Flint’s city, Colorado. The deceased is a twenty year old woman named Lizzy Alton. She was last seen at Greyson Park at 12:35 this past saturday and has been found at the lake in the middle of said park. Police are currently investigating but have no leads so far. The only thing they have to go off of is the fact that Miss Lizzy Alton was missing all her teeth and the middle finger off her left hand.
Nishay turned off the radio, pulled out her laptop and started to write. It was a shame what happened to Lizzy Alton, but Nishay didn’t know her, so it didn’t matter. What did matter was Nishay’s latest crime novel. And getting closer to Jacinto Eulalio….
This is the fourteenth murder victim police have found with their teeth and left middle finger missing since the massacre in Baldin, California.
There were three bodies this time. It was siblings Mary Sage, Henry Green and Riley Green, all around twenty-four and married with children. Mary was found first, all of her valuables stolen, then it was Riley and then Henry, who was rumored to be having an affair with one of his female co-workers. All three siblings seemed to be knocked out and then finished off with a knife, stabbing the three a combined 245 times.
Jacinto smiled as Nishay hugged him.
“Thank you so much, Jacinto,” She said, lifting his wallet from his pocket, riffiling through it, taking all of his dollar bills. She placed his wallet back as gently as she could, slipping the money up her sleeve and drawing back.
“You’re so kind, no one else has been this nice to me since what happened in Cali.” She frowned, shaking her head. “Did you hear about the murders where the victims have their teeth and left middle finger removed?”
Jacinto nodded, shaking his head in disbelief.
“It’s crazy, man. The murders seem to be coming closer to the east coast. The last one I heard of was in New York. It was a small family, the parents and two little kids.” His green eyes looked sad. “I feel for their families. It’s terrible.”
Nishay nodded, “It’s horrible. I wonder what the killer is thinking when she does- they do that. I don’t understand it.”
Jacinto shook his head and handed her the keys to her car. She took them and got into her car, thanking him again for fixing her heater for the third time.
Here in Vermont, police have found another set of victims in the Tooth Fairy case, as people have been calling it. It was a family of five, One mother (aged 40), three sons (ranging from 17 to 12) and one daughter (aged 8). All five were knocked out and then stabbed around 57 times in the chest and once to their faces. They were in their home, but placed at the dinner table as if they were still eating dinner. When the police arrived at the scene, there were six plates of food, which struck them as odd as there were only five people. They police have said that it seems that the killer helped themselves to the Robinsons dinner before they left the scene.
Nishay crept out of her vehicle and down the street to Jacinto’s garage. She had watched him put the passcode in more than enough times to have memorized it. The garage opened and she slipped under. She had been in his garage on more than one occasion, and she knew where everything was. Save for one thing. Nishay had heard his mother mention a lock box of money. The garage wasn’t the best place to keep that, but whatever, she didn’t care. The contents were going to be hers anyway. She rummaged around for what felt like hours before the door into Jacinto’s house from the garage opened, light spilling across her form.
She froze at first until he said, “Nishay? What are you doing here?” She turned around and brushed hair from her face. Thinking fast she answered, saying that she was looking for spare blankets. “Is your heater not working again? Come inside.” He gestured to the door. The lock box would have to wait to Nishay’s annoyance. She followed him up the steps and into a small warm kitchen. She took off her leather gloves and shoved them in her jacket pocket. Jacinto offered her some hot cocoa and left over dinner. She took them both, tired of her gas station food that she had in her old car.
“My heater works fine, my blankets don’t. I don’t wanna leave the car on all night to have the heat on.” He nodded. “I’m sorry I just came in like that,”
Jacinto waved it away, saying it was no big deal, but maybe warn him the next time. She laughed, saying that there wouldn’t be a next time. An alert pinged on her cell phone. She took it out of her pocket and checked it. It was a warning from the New Hampshire Police Department. She showed it to Jacinto.
This one was the worst murder so far, the police said. There were a total of 12 people killed, teeth and left middle fingers missing, killed by stabbing. Each person had about 68 stabs and\or slashes that they could identify. The victims were all older teens and young adults, the age range from 17- 21, all of them found with alcohol in their blood and 3 of them with cocaine in their possession. Like some of the last few murders in Vermont, it seems that the killer decided to have a meal afterwards and a drink. A printed note was left among the dirty used dishes, reading: th@nk$ f0R tH3 M3@l. !t w@$ del!(!0u$. 0h, D0 g!V3 th!3R f@m!li3S MY (0nd0l3n(3s.
Sadly, the police have not been able to get anything out of the note.
Not far past the Maine border, three people were found dead in their backyard. It was two women and a man, Gina and Lin Forbes and their bestfriend Jason Butte. The three were found with no teeth, no left middle finger and Lin, the youngest, had a printed note thumbtacked to her forehead.
! $e3 th@t y0uR 0n 2 m3.
!sn’t th!$ fUn???
Jacinto led Nishay back to her car, gave her extra blankets and a big hug. While he hugged her, she picked his cell phone from his pocket and slipped it into hers. She said goodnight and kissed him on the cheek. Jacinto froze for a split second then kissed her back.
Nishay Bronte waited for three hours, the sun just starting to lighten the sky, before she crept out of her car again and over to Jacinto’s house. She went through the garage, and then into his kitchen, grabbing the biggest knife she could find. Nishay didn’t know the layout of his house, but she checked every room for money and anything valuable. Soon she found herself on the second floor, peering into his mother’s room. Jacinto’s dog laid curled up by her feet but then he jerked awake, staring her down. The dog started to growl but Nishay called to him and he realized who she was. He trotted over happily. Smiling, she purged the knife into the dog’s side a total of 3 times. Blood was all over her hands and the carpet. She stood and gripped the knife tighter and walked over to his mom, placing a pillow over her head and stabbing her 3 times in her throat and 5 times in her stomach. She got up and went to Jacinto’s room, creeping low to the floor.
Nishay stood, poised…
Three more people were found dead by what the public has deemed “The Tooth fairy killer” All teeth were stolen, as was their left middle finger. A dog was also killed, its teeth stolen as well. The people were stabbed both a total of 78 times each and the dog 37 times. There was another printed note saying that the killer was having a blast and they couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.
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This was really good, Yasmine! You've got some serious creative talent, and I was impressed with how you developed Nishay as a character who shifts so smoothly between charming and chilling. That kind of duality is tough to write, and you handled it really well. I also really liked the subtle choice to name the town Dim Cartref. The meaning, “no home,” ties in nicely with Nishay’s sense of rootlessness.
If I could offer one small suggestion, it might be to consider either prolonging the twist or adding another near the end. About halfway through, it becomes pretty clear that Nishay is the perpetrator, so the shock fades a bit early. One idea might be to include something at the very end, after readers believe she has committed all the murders. For example, she could hand Jacinto a finished draft of her book, where she has written herself in as a fictional killer, and he laughs it off with a line like, “Wait. Is this supposed to be your way of telling me something?” It would feel almost like waking from a dream. A final, subtle expression from Nishay could leave readers wondering if it really was fictional.
One other thought: the way the victims are described as being stabbed dozens of times felt a little disconnected from Nishay’s character. She is methodical, calculating, even polite while robbing people, so the emotional detachment and charm don’t quite match the extreme violence of those scenes. If she isn’t killing out of personal rage, the brutality might be worth dialing in to better match her persona.
The story kept me reading straight through. You have a strong narrative voice and a great sense for tone and pacing. Great work!
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Thank you very much, Scott. Reading that comment made me very happy. Thank you for the tips, I'll definitely try to prolong the twist or adding another one. That was a smart idea to do that, but I guess I just wasn't thinking. This was the first time I've tried to write something with a dual narrative and with this kind of topic/mood. I thought that my pacing or my duality was weirdly done, so thanks for saying it wasn't.
Thanks for the suggestion, I didn't think of something like that; The whole book idea. I knew I wanted her to be a writer and that the murders were tied to it, but I didn't take the idea as far as I should've, I guess. Yea, you're right. The idea of the readers not knowing if it was fictional or not would've been a better ending. I'll keep it in mind when I write another thing similar.
As for the emotional detachment and charm not matching the brutality, I thought it would be an interesting difference within her character. I had this idea where she is all calm and "put together", so to speak, but the violence to her victims seemed to make her feel not as composed as she seems, if what I'm saying makes any sense. Because Nishay isn't killing out of personal rage, it does seem rather violent and graphic and against her persona. You make a rather good point, Scott.
Thank you for the suggestions and the feedback.
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