Of Course I Still Love You

The humidity in the air was thick, like wading through a hot bog that covered every inch of the air on the dock. The sun was high in the blue, cloudless sky, and sweat was beading down Jeff’s neck to his already soaked t-shirt. The final touches were being made to the vessel. Unlike other ships, this one required a substantially greater amount of pre-departure tasks. Parked in the JAXPORT Cruise Terminal, which occupied the northwest corner of the Dames Point Marine Terminal in the Port of Jacksonville, the large, flat barge rocked gently along the lapping waves of the concrete foundations. The terminal is ordinarily used for cruise ships, shuttling retirees and the recently divorced along sea routes toward tropical destinations, sun baked lounges on the beach, and are amply supplied with food, alcohol, and the fading aspirations of lounge entertainers.

Jeff had never taken a cruise, though the thought of sailing out into the open ocean, away from responsibilities, work, and real-life drama was incredibly appealing. Jeff realized long ago in this fantasy that he would probably spend most of his time in his room alone looking out to the passing ocean, and he was perfectly content with that thought. His present life was demanding. After graduating from a third-tier engineering school, he pushed hard through unpaid internships and low-paid entry level jobs to reach his goal of working in the space industry. He had finally made it… sort of. Through it all, Jeff found himself stepping on board the dock, with the backdrop of the 15,000 pound pedestal made for securing the remaining 12,100 pounds of a burnt rocket engine, onto the barge Marmac 304, or in the name it is most affectionately known, “Of Course I Still Love You (OCISLY)”.

He started working for SpaceY six months ago, detailed to the maintenance and pre-launch diagnostics of the OCISLY before it sets off in its autonomous voyage into the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. The mid-afternoon sun was beaming down on him as he made his way to the stern of the ship, where large containers held generators, and the bulk of the barge’s onboard computers. These computers connected the OCISLY to the GPS system specifically built for autonomous seafaring and allowed the barge to be within a precise location within 3 meters. Jeff’s remaining task list required him to re-check the GPS calibrations prior to the ships launch in a matter of hours. This was relatively menial work, and certainly not rocket science, but he was happy to be a part of something so grand. Exploring space and doing his part toward advancing the potential of human exploration gave him a thrill daily. Pulling out his laptop to connect to the system, he could feel the water beneath him begin to ebb and flow with greater intensity. Something was off with the calibration, an error in the present location could throw off the location of the barge when it was most needed. He hunkered down and did what he knew best – problem solve.

The time was nearing for him to step off back onto dry land, just as the sun neared the horizon, a torrent of rain descended on the crew. In the clouds swiftly approaching, lightning and thunder emanated in the distance. “Not good.” Jeff thought. He knew that the OCISLY would travel effortlessly to its destination even in the worst conditions, but it was his own safety that raised concern. He did not want to get hit by lightning, no body did. The clouds swiftly came to the port, and in the flurry of thunder, the crew alongside Jeff quickly finished their tasks to get off the barge and into safety. Jeff was just about done as the rains began to pound on his exposed head with its thick and numerous droplets. “Finished.” He sighed aloud and began to get up, when as he was almost fully erect, his left foot slipped from underneath him. His hands grasping his laptop flew upward sending the computer into the port’s waters and down he went without appendages to slow his fall. He felt the quick thud of his head against the barge’s floor and then nothing.

The smell came first. The salt that dried slowly on his face adding a flavor to the air that was undeniably that of the wide ocean. Eyes still closed, he felt a gnawing ache all throughout his head as the wind tossed his hair across his forehead. What came second, was a rapid awareness that these sensations were completely and totally out of place. He remembered the fall. He considered what would logically come next. Someone would find him. They would carry him off the barge. He would be in an office or a hospital room with a window that would have certainly not allowed the breeze he was feeling to waft through. “Yeah..” Jeff thought. “Something else happened.”

He hesitated to open his eyes, unsure of what awaited him, but when he did, his heart fell through his shoes. It was night, but the darkness was illuminated by the artificial lighting that was sprinkled through his field of view. He was rocking ever so slightly. The rain had stopped, and the wind was cool, almost chilly in his still wet clothes. It all occurred to him in a fraction of a second. This was the Of Course I Still Love You. He was at the barge’s stern, the sound of its hydraulic propulsion outdrive units humming beneath him. It was in the ocean and, even though he could calculate the distance given his presumption of what time it was, he looked back and saw no sight of land.

“Crap”

He felt around him for two things. First was his phone.

“Crap”

Instinctively he felt his pockets but remembered he did not bring it along with him for what should have been a quick inspection.

Thoughts of Gilligan’s original 3-hour tour shot through his head.

Second was his laptop. The OCISLY had, by necessity, a connection to the internet to facilitate its livestreaming of the barge’s purpose. But he remembered it sinking into the tides.

“Ohhh… crap.”

He pulled up his knees while firmly on the hard surface of the barge, rested his forearms on his legs and planted his head on them. Still nursing a substantial headache. His head felt as though it was inside a large bell that was struck forcefully with his every movement.

The launch hazard area was roughly 190 miles from the shore. At a velocity of more than 13 knots, Jeff did a few painful calculations through his pounding head. Anticipated launch time of the OCISLY was around 4 p.m. Given the velocity and distance, he would reach the hazard area at close to 5 a.m. He took another look behind the barge, to double check his initial assessment. No land in sight. That put the OCISLY somewhere offshore beyond 3 miles as he was peering against the distant horizon from a seated position. It was definitely night. Summer sun sets in Jacksonville around 8:00 p.m. so he’d been unconscious for a number of hours. It was past 8 surely, but how long till the hazard area?

His mind became clearer as he thought. He scanned the sky. Knowing the direction in which the OCISLY was heading he looked slightly toward the forward direction. His eyes darted across the clear and vibrant sky. “There it is.” He thought. Jeff had found the collection of seven stars that formed a scoop, known as the Big Dipper. The cup of the dipper had at its ends two stars named Merak and Dubhe. Finding the two, Jeff traced a line extending from the stars toward the North Star. From his position, the line traced from Merak and Dubhe ending at the North Star formed the hour hand of a 24-hour clock. The Big Dipper was inverted, so the line traced downward toward the horizon. At a nearly 30 degree angle of approach, Jeff sighed. It was probably around 3 or 4 a.m. The hazard area was near.

“Ok, what to do?”

Jeff got up slowly with a hand on his head, which did little to ease the pain, and carefully shuffled his way across the swaying barge toward the bow of the barge. He was looking for the live streaming camera. They had to know he was still on the OCISLY. It took him some time to balance himself against the waves rocking the vessel. He located the small metal box with a plexiglass protective cover. He gazed into the clear sheet.

“Its not on…” he said aloud.

“Why isn’t it on?”

The process over the course of the last years, has been rife with minor complications. These were known well, and the thousands of spectators viewing the live stream of this event often complained about the video quality and issues in online forums and YouTube vlogs.

Jeff considered his options. Maybe he would wait by the video camera till it became operational, signaled the viewers in the control center and maybe he would be able to bring the vessel back to port.

Just as the options flowed through his head, Jeff heard a sound that he was not prepared for.

The wind flowing across the Hawk 9 rocket whipped and roared through the exterior of the nearly spent tube. The Hawk 9 was a 64.4 meter tall two-staged rocket that travels to the very edge of space. At around 100 kilometers beyond Earth, to the very edge of space, the second stage separates, dropping its first stage to descend back to the planet.

The first stage on its return voyage, automatically corrects its alignment, pointing its powerful engines retrograde to its trajectory and then it falls. Swiftly the craft enters back into atmosphere, speeding through the darkness toward the ocean below.

Jeff could sense the low hum of the descending stage and knew what was next. He ran back to where he had awoken, seeking cover. Images of previous landings (or attempts at landings) ran through his head. Fire… and lots of it from a collapsing rocket on the tarmac of the barge.

“This could be it.” He thought. There was no way to safely signal his presence on the OCISLY that would give him enough time to run to cover.

He looked up to the sky again, scanning the stars for a new signal.

The first stage of Hawk 9 is designed to perform a suicide burn toward landing. It had spent most of its fuel on the ascent and required just enough delta-v to slow its approach enough to survive a landing. This required a significant burn at the very last possible second to ensure enough fuel remained.

A blinding light appeared in Jeff’s field of view. Like a shooting star the light travelled across the sky with a brilliance that he had never seen before. A roar of the engines followed shortly after. He could see the adjustments in the flames as the onboard computer of the Hawk 9 made its last-minute corrections to hit the large X that was painted across the main center of the OCISLY.

The roar intensified as the metal tube became apparent in the night sky. The tube corrected once more as it killed nearly all of its horizontal speed. It pointed itself upward as the engines roared closer and closer to the, now manned, unmanned vessel.

The light from the engines became too bright for Jeff and he hid his head under his arms. The barge shook violently. Smoke filled the air and the noise of the rockets rang in Jeff’s ears now covered by his hands.

The rocking persistent, but the sound had dissipated. Jeff hesitated to open his eyes once more, but sheepishly snuck a glace through one eye. He was alive!

He looked at the tall rocket. Burnt at the edges and steaming from its descent. Against the night sky the view was spectacular. He was here, at the forefront of science. All he had left to do was watch the autonomous robots scurry across the tarmac, securing the rocket, and peer out to the ocean as the OCISLY and its new passenger make its triumphant return home.