re: Ally Condie

"It was you who started it by calling him." Answer said on the verge of tears.

"How was I supposed to know that he was in love with me. I did not know that he was like that." Ben answered not even feeling the pain that Answer was going through.

"I thought that we had stopped seeing other people. That we were exclusive!" Answer said in disbelief.

"We are not dating. We are just seeing each other. We go for drinks that's all." Ben said trying to minimze the situation.

"No, if I did not break into your iPhone, I never would have known about all those calls. When were you going to tell me? Some of those calls date back from six months ago." Answer said with a stern look on his face, knowing that he had to be strong for what was next.

"Look, I told you not to look into my things, my phones, my laptop my everything. This is what happens when you do not respect others. You get hurt and hurt them too. What did you gain from looking into my private calls? Nothing. Except now you know that I sometimes have drinks with Henry. Does that make you happy? Are we dating? I am not sure. Will we date in the future? Perhaps! That does not make it right, I know. I am a human being. I met Henry through a friend and I did not think much of it at first. Even now Henry means nothing to me, except now I am nervous seeing you like this." Ben said.

"It is not just about Henry. It is the fact that we had a talk. We both decided to be exclusive with each other. You went behind my back without correcting me that you had changed your mind about us. You went behind my back and saw someone else, not just once but many many times. I forget how many times but it was over a period of months. Look Ben, it is me that you are talking to. I know you. You do not take such things lightly." Answer said getting up with his plate after he finished eating his dinner.

"What can I say, one man's fun is another man's poison." Ben said unmoved. "I think that what needs to happen is : we must set aside time to talk this over when we are both calm and reasonable. I also need to think and remember what motives I had when I first called him or when I first met him for drinks. I think I might have been flirting and everything got out of hand. I think so. I am not sure." Ben said "Anyway, who is at fault here? Not me. I met someone and I had drinks with someone without telling you, so sue me! I have to get to work." Ben said as though he was intentionally hurting Answer.

With tears filling his eyes Answer looked up and started to say something and remembered what he said to him when he first was introduced to him. "Answer!... what sort of a name is that? What did your parents mean when they named you Answer?" He had deliberately chosen to ignore his comment. Usually whenever he told others his name they usually would say something sleek like. "I'll Answer to that." " That is a cute name." "You have an unusual name, who named you that?" In response he always smiled politely and said "My parents named me and they were not high or stoned when they named me!" Sometimes he stood around and waited for more questions or sometimes he walked away and get himself a drink or a glass of water.

It was very much unlike Ben to be so cruel. One of Answer's many passions was to read romance novels. He forced himself to remember occassions where he could have read about a couple who was fighting and the cruelity of it all. There were times when he felt that the couples in books that he read, who were cruel to each other deserved each other or might have loved each other deeply and had no skills to communicate well how much they loved each other. The trick was how the book ended. In some novels they made up and became better. In many others, cruelity was a sign of a dead marriage or a dead relationship and the protagonists almost always went their separate ways. He could not diagnose what he was going through. The cruelty felt vaguely familiar. What it meant to him at that moment was a blank slate and he hated the unknowing sense of helplessness and loss. He had opted to work at home even though he had an office and phones which were answered by staff members with salaries. He felt that he was more productive working at home because there were no interruptions. With Ben at his own job he only was home with his cat Fifi who occassionally purred on his feet and slippers.

What was to be different that morning? He had deadlines inspite of Ben's bad manners. Ben still wanted to insult him some more. He wanted to 'talk' again when they were both 'calm and reasonable.' he had said. Anyway enough of the domestic squabbles, work was piling up and he needed something to distract him from Ben.

By lunch time he had forgotten all about Ben and the iPhone. He put all of his work away and started preparing dinner for both of them unsure if Ben would want to stay in for dinner or eat out. He made a promise to himself to not think much about that morning and what Ben had said to him. He, deep down in his heart knew that they might not survive this indiscretion. Ben was just too rude and too inconsiderate. It had taken years for both of them to decide to be an exclusive couple. Even while they were still seeing others in the middle of their love and affair, they never outrightly disrespected each other in a manner that hurt either one of them. It was only in the last weeks that Ben's animosity and contempt were starting to show. Out of the blue, he would snap at Answer for no reason. He would apoligize and everything would be normal again. And then he would pay some bills late or not at all. He would 'forget' to pick him up on agreed times. Once he forgot to meet him at the hospital where Answer had to go and have a CAT scan. Of all the times that Ben had been missing in action that was the only time that hurt Answer the most. He was torn inside. He knew that something was up. He hated having to face it as if his past was beckoning him to pain once again. He did not say much to Ben when he returned home profusily apologizing for overlooking time. "I was not even doing much. I was stuck in the office talking to my Office manager about a machine that we just bought. We were all too excited to get things done and time flew just like that." Ben said overlooking how hurt Answer was.

Not wanting to be a spoiler, Answer took it like he had learnt to take all the other bad manners that Ben was suddenly suffering from. Not only that, Ben found no reason to make nice with Answer. The writing was on the wall they were going to break up. They had been too close and such a promising couple to have to go through such an overhaul. By then they had been together for over two decades. They had bought things together. They had vacationed together. They also lived together. During those twenty some years there had never been a sense of discomfort between the two of them. That is why when Ben started forgeting simple things it was such a shock to Answer that he resorted to his old self. A dumped man, a reject, who may or may not be gay. If he was gay, Ben would be more sensitive. Ben would be kinder. Having lost a lover before he just could not allow himself to be honest about what was happening between him and Ben. He also did not have the energy to have to face yet another disappointment. He chose to give up way too soon. Ben might have noticed that and he himself might have thought to proceed with what was good and fresh rather than take a chance with the lover that he was about to dedicate his life to. It was just like that a snap decision between forgiveness and understanding versus a love that was no longer existent like an abondoned, used up well.

"What's for dinner I am starving." Ben said as he kissed Answer on the cheek. He put his jacket and briefcase on the table and took off his tie. He rolled his sleeves and poured both of them a drink in a glass for red wine, yet the wine that he was serving was a white Chardonay.

"Here, love, how was your day?" Ben asked as he sat down to look at the magazine that was on the table with his mail and a box which was not labeled.

"My day was fine. I finished the blueprints. I think that tomorrow I will have to go to the office so that I can be present for the meeting with the boys tomorrow. I might stay the whole entire day. I will call you and let you know if I leave early. What is up with you?" Answer asked.

"Same old stuff. I am worried that I might not make the deadline. What else, Oh that's it. Let's eat dinner." Ben said as soon as Answer was done setting the table and serving dinner on dinner plates.

They ate in silence. The cat climbed his tower made of straw and carpet material where he scratched to sharpen his nails. They both got up to fill his basin with milk. As they both bud heads one said, "Oh go ahead." and the other said "No, you go ahead, I'll empty his kitty litter."

"Just stay here and finish your dinner." Ben said walking outside with the kitty litter, while leaving Answer with a bottle of milk which he put back in the fridge.

"So, what are your plans tonight?"Answer asked Ben.

"Not much. Do you want to take a walk after we finish dinner and we can wash the dishes when we return from our walk." Ben answered.

"Well, Ben, I think that is a very good idea. Let's finish dinner and take a walk. It's pretty dark outside. I think that we will need jackets." Answer said.

They finished dinner and washed the dishes without even thinking. They swept the floors and mopped the floors. After they put everything away Answer emerged with two jackets in his hand and handed one to Ben and wore the other one. They both walked outside and silently regretted that they had an air of uncertainity lingering in their lives.

"I think this is what I am going to say to you Ben, that I am hurt. I don't know who Henry is. I never met him before and I don't know anything about him. What I know honestly is that I cannot share you with him even if he is a friend of yours. I am, just too old to be doubting and worrying about you. It is tough to be in a committed relationship. I know that. I am going to ask you to not say anything to me today or tonight until you give yourself time to think. I don't want to know the details of what happened between the two of you. I regret that I had to break into your privacy in order to find out. Because I am selfish, I know myself I do not mind walking away from it all. But I am going to be my better self and ask you to be selfish for me. Take a couple of days and think about what just happened to us. I am very hurt. Alright I am hurt. You hurt me." Answer said.

Ben the coward walked faster as if he had a dog on a leash who was pulling him away from Answer. He looked frightened. He looked scared. At first he thought that he could deal with getting caught in a lie or an indiscretion. He did not know what his plans were or where the whole affair would take him.

He abruptly stopped and said: "I will think for the both of us from now on."

Answer said "Are you sure? Because "growing apart does not change the fact that for a long time we grew side by side: our roots will always be tangled. I am glad for that."" "But I need you to be honest with me."

"I am sure, I think, I know that I can think for the both of us, if only you will let me." Ben said slowing down and turning around to return home.

"First, it is too cold and too dark outside. Let's walk back home... Just for the record, Henry and I have cooled things anyway. I was hoping that it will pass quietly and there would be no fuss." Ben said aware of his selfishness. What had gotten into him? Answer was the nicest human being that he ever met. Why was he so careless with the only one person who opened his heart to him. Was he a bad person. Or was he growing up learning to let go of his inhibition for better or worse? It was unclear to him. He at least at that moment realized that he was hurting Answer and he was rude. Answer did not respond instead he turned around begrudgingly planned in his head how he was going to fix this. He could tell that he will have to be brave and either let go of him sooner rather than later if he does not stop hurting him. He did not have time to make a list of the cons and the pros of being with Ben with Henry???

If he says anything that hurts him again, he will walk away from the love of his life. He thought to himself. While Ben was coming to terms with what he had done, he will steer clear his way and let him think. first he had to sleep on the couch.......