Don't Sh*t Where You Eat

** This story contains mature language. **

Don’t Sh*t Where You Eat

Olivia followed closely behind her boyfriend, Chase Walker, as he twisted his body left and right maneuvering through the massive crowd in his living room. He held his red Solo cup over his head.

Drunk or soon-to-be-drunk college students filled every room of the spacious house. Deafening, pulsing music shook the walls and floors. The hoppy aroma of beer and the skunky stench of weed filled every room. She counted four beer kegs while forcefully pushing herself toward the kitchen trying to find his roommates. She could feel her shoes sticking to the hardwood floors from the careless spills of alcohol. 

Olivia had to yell into his ear to be heard. “Let’s check upstairs.” 

Chase nodded. She took his red Solo cup and placed it on the kitchen counter.

Chase grabbed her hand and started threading through the crowd toward the stairs. Partiers occupied every step, making it difficult to navigate the narrow passage. At the top of the landing, a young girl with long straight hair had passed out with her back against the spindles. 

Chase and Olivia stepped toward one of the bedrooms. Chase opened the door and, just as quickly, shut it. “Gross. Evan is not gonna be happy about that.” 

Opening the next door revealed Chase’s roommates, Evan and Xavier, in a panicked conversation. Chase and Olivia entered and closed the door behind them. 

“What is happening out there?” Chase asked.

“Dude, it’s crazy. It was supposed to be like twenty people,” Xavier said, sloshing his beer around as he moved his hand. 

“It’s my fault,” Evan said. “It slipped out during one of my live streams on my FanBoy Plus account.”

“Bro, not cool,” Chase said.

“I know. I know. We have to shut this down.” Evan uncapped his bottled water and took a sip. “I have states next week. I can’t be put on academic probation.”

Outside the bedroom windows, the flashing of red and blue lights told them it was too late. 

#

The Dean of Students office occupied the entire lower floor of his on-campus residence. Behind a high countertop, his two full-time assistants sat at desks answering calls and typing on computers while some undergrad work-study students folded letters and stuffed envelopes. Olivia stood protectively in front of her boyfriend and his two besties, who were seated in hard wooden chairs whose sole purpose was to make the excruciating wait worse.

Dr. Steven Albright opened the door to his office and came around the counter. Although he glowered at each one, Evan looked away and shifted in his seat at Albright’s prolonged gaze.

“Miss Parker,” he smiled at Olivia, “does this incident have the interest of the school newspaper or social media?”

“No, Dean Albright. I’m just supporting Chase. He’s nervous. They’re all nervous. It’s not their fault that –.”

“There’s nothing to worry about, Miss Parker. I’m going to have a conversation with them and we’ll go from there.” He looked at the three young men. “I have to tell you three that this is a serious situation and you’ve put me in a horrible position. The quarterback of the football team, the basketball team captain and a wrestler who may or may not be going to states. Let me explain the full scope of the problem in my office. Come in.”

They stood and followed Albright into his office. Olivia touched Chase’s hand as he passed.

#

Back at the frat house, Chase, Xavier and Evan sat slumped into the sofa. Olivia glanced down at the coffee table before committing to sit on it. 

“So, what happened?” She asked.

“For starters,” Chase said, “we have to pay to have the whole house professionally cleaned. Like a maid service or something. I’m already benched for the next game and Coach is pissed. The backup QB is a sophomore.” 

“And he wants to meet with each of us separately,” Xavier added. “He thinks he can convince my coach to let me still be captain.”

“Evan, what about you?” Olivia asked.

“He said I’m the biggest problem because I promoted the party on social media. I busted my ass to make my weight for states and now it’s for nothing.”

  Chase said, “X and I have to meet with him tomorrow. Evan goes the next day.”

“Maybe I can talk to him,” Olivia said. “I interviewed him for the school paper for his twenty-fifth work anniversary. He seemed reasonable. And, I have to attend his official anniversary celebration next week at his residence. I can do some ass-kissing for my favorite guys.”

“It couldn’t hurt,” Xavier said. “We should all do some ass-kissing.”

#

Olivia arrived at the frat house to check on Chase after his meeting with Albright. Evan and Xavier sat on the sofa with game controllers in their hands and gave no indication they were aware of her presence.

“Where is he?”

“What? Who?” asked Xavier.

Evan replied, “Chase is upstairs. He’s asleep. He wouldn’t talk about his meeting with Albright.”

“Don’t you guys think you should be up there consoling him or something?” Olivia asked.

“You’re his girlfriend; you do it,” Xavier glanced at her quickly but returned his focus to the video game. “I’m leaving for my meeting with Albright in two minutes.”

Olivia climbed the stairs and walked down the hall to his room. She knocked gently then opened the door. Chase was on his bed staring up at the ceiling.

“How’d it go?” She asked.

“Fine.”

“Fine? What’s that mean? You’re off the hook?” Her voice conveyed optimism. 

“Yeah, I guess. I mean, I could be.” He rolled over, away from her.

Olivia sat on the bed and put her hand on his arm. He jerked his arm away from her touch.

“What do you mean, you could be? Is he gonna save you or not?”

Chase sat up, one leg bent in front of him and the other on the floor. He looked down at his bed. He spoke softly.

“You can’t tell anyone…ever. You have to promise. Promise me.” He looked into her eyes.

“Just tell me, babe. You can tell me anything.”

“He can help me but…but only if I help him.” He paused. “Help him by…like, sexually. He wants me to –”

“Chase! What the actual f***!” She stood and raised her voice. “What did you say? He can’t do that!”

“Liv, if I want to stay here on my scholarship and play football, I have no choice. He’ll expel me. He’ll expel all of us.”

“Chase, he’s a f***ing predator. You didn’t tell X or Evan? Oh my God, X is on his way there.”

#

Olivia hightailed over to the Dean of Students’ Office and waited for Xavier to finish his meeting. She stood in front of the same wooden chairs. He walked out of the office and around the counter. He looked ill. There were tears in his eyes. He walked past Olivia as if she were a ghost. She chased after him.

“X, wait up! What happened?” Olivia asked. “Did he proposition you, too?”

Xavier stopped but didn’t turn around. He stood hunched over and sobbing. He wiped his eyes. He nodded slowly.

“X, it’s gonna be okay. We’ll report this. We can fix it.”

“I told him to f*** off. It’s over.”

#

“Holy shit. I’m not going in there. Is he gonna hit on me, too?” Evan was frantic.

Chase said, “Definitely, bro. You’re an openly gay athlete. He’ll think you’re an easy target.”

Xavier jumped in. “Olivia, you could wire Evan up like in the movies. Get an audio recording of the whole thing!” 

“That would only prove it to us. We can’t use it as evidence if all parties haven’t consented to the recording. But, a photo would work. It would have to be somewhere where he didn’t have a reasonable expectation of privacy.”

Evan said, “So we just say…hey, Dean Albright, would you mind posing for a picture of me pleasuring you?”

Silence fell. 

“I’ve got it! I’ve got it! Oh, it’s so good,” Olivia's energetic announcement had everyone’s attention. “Evan, you can skip the meeting.”

#

An exquisitely dressed Olivia Parker arrived at the Dean of Students’ anniversary reception ready to cover the event with journalistic integrity. Her invitation allowed her to bring along her photographer but it did not include a plus one. She thought, if Albright didn’t play the rules, why should she? At her side, a handsome, muscular, under-twenty piece of eye candy attracted the eye of every woman present and more than one of the men, including Dean Albright.

Albright beelined to intercept Olivia. He cupped her elbow and signaled one sec to Evan. They found privacy near the makeshift stage where Albright would give his speech later.

In a guttural whisper, Albright said, “What the hell is he doing here?” 

“He’s my guest. Who goes to a party without a date?”

“I thought you had a boyfriend?”

“You have to admit that Evan’s massive thighs look pretty impressive in those jeans? You should see what he has underneath.” 

“I don’t care,” he said.

“I think you do.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Miss Parker?”

Albright walked away, smiling at his guests. Olivia followed him. Looking back at Evan, she held up her five fingers and mouthed “five minutes.”

With Olivia on his heels, Albright made stops to engage with the provost, major donors and other deans. Olivia abhorred everything about him: his tailored suit, perfect coiffure and elite guest. Right here, in his own home, people would learn exactly who he really was.

Albright drifted over to the photographer Olivia brought. He pointed out the four heavy hitters in the room. “I need pictures with all of them. Be on your toes.”

Olivia repeated, “Yes, be on your toes.”

His walkabout continued. “Welcome, Dr. Gutenberg. I’m delighted you could make it,” Albright said.

“Thank you, Steven. Congratulations on your longevity.” 

Unexpectedly, loud dance music erupted and echoed throughout the cavernous space. All eyes turned toward Evan on the stage with a portable Bluetooth speaker. Evan’s muscular body writhed and bumped in time to the rhythmic beat while he removed the few pieces of clothing he wore. Before Steven could respond, Evan had managed to strip down to a single garment: a bright red bikini bottom overstuffed with his junk. 

The photographer executed his duties. Click. Click.

Albright ran to the stage and turned off the music. Evan stopped dancing but held a sexy pose against Albright. 

“Get the fuck outta here, Evan. Let’s go. Out!” Albright pushed Evan off the stage and addressed the room. “Excuse me, folks. My apologies. Seems like the wrestling team is putting on a prank.” 

With the music off, a constant murmur of curious guests filled the space. Evan gathered his clothes. “Can I change in the bedroom?”

He had Evan by the arm and ushered him to his bedroom door. 

“Hey, Dean Albright!” Olivia called for his attention, causing him to turn.

Click. Click. Click.

Olivia sidled the photographer and admired the image on the camera’s screen. “Perfect,” she said.

The crisply focused photo clearly showed Dean Albright with his hands on the shoulders of a mostly undressed student athlete at the entrance to his bedroom. The photo appeared above the fold in the local morning papers and all over social media along with statements from three student athletes.