The Ultimate Betrayl

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sat in disbelief of the conversation she just overheard. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt so much if the conversation was not between the two people who were nearest and dearest to her heart. Surely, she was mistaken. She wanted to confront them, but the shock paralyzed her. What did I do to deserve such betrayl; she reasoned within herself. I know I am not perfect, and I have made my fair share of mistakes, but I do my best to treat everyone as I would want them to treat me, and I thought they loved me as much as I love them. The thoughts continued to rush through her mind; I would never have imagined either of them turning on me knowing all that I have gone through. It was their job to protect my heart, not break it. I would never turn on them, she thought. Of all people they knew how hard it was for her to let anyone in, because she had already been hurt so many times before from people, she thought were to protect her. She began replaying how she intentionally let down her guard and let them in after she vowed to never let anyone else get close enough to touch her heart again, but she let them in because she thought they were trustworthy. God: it hurts so much she said as she turned her eyes to the heavens. I want to confront them, but I could not bear the pain I would feel if they denied it, she said to herself. I know what I heard and for them to lie to my face would hurt equally as the initial discovery of the betrayl. Her mind was flooded with hurt, rage and disbelief. What should I do, she asked herself?

She sat silently trembling; the loudest noise in the room were the noises of her sobbing and sniffling through the pain of betrayl her two best friends committed against her. There was an array of thoughts running through her mind and her heart was aching. How could they, she thought to herself. I shared my deepest secrets with them, things I would have never shared with anyone else. She had always been guarded and shut off to the world because she felt she could not trust anyone, and she did not want to endure judgement or mistreatment because of past events in her life. They used my trust and vulnerability against me after promising to protect my heart and my secrets. We vowed to each other to always have each other’s back and they stabbed me in mine, creating more wounds for me to heal from. Emotions overwhelmed her and she retreated into a dark place, that she never thought she would return to; after all she almost died in this place of darkness. How could she recover from this? She felt so alone. She had no one else to turn to; after all the two people she used to confide in had turned on her. She began to weep again; it was too much to bear.

I refuse to go backwards; she thought to herself; remembering how hard it was for her to shake the depression that almost took her life. There were times she could barely get out of bed because she did not want to face the unfairness of the world she lived in. I will recover; she said with determination and commitment. This was the beginning of her journey to learning how to love herself. She prayed that she could forgive them and herself. She wanted to forgive them for the betrayl and forgive herself for the rage that was spreading through her like cancer. One day at a time; one thing at a time she began to forgive and let go of the pain of the betrayl of her friends and the hate she carried in her heart for all the pain she experienced in the past from loved ones and people she thought were her friends. She vowed that this was going to make her better and not bitter. Bitterness was the heaviest weight she had ever carried, and she never wanted to live in that heaviness again. Without a doubt, this betrayl was a heavy blow, it knocked the wind out of her but now she was catching her breath. She reminded herself of the good heart she was born with and no matter how many times it had been broken she would not allow it to be unrepairable. She would find a way to mend it back together again and learn to use wisdom and discretion with who she would entrust her heart to going forward; not sure how she would accomplish this, but she was determined to get it done. I will learn how to love me and teach others how I want to be loved. I will be the change I want to see and when the right people come into my life, I will be able to teach them how to love me.

She finally mustered up the courage to let them know she had heard the conversation and that she forgave them but to protect her peace she could not allow them access to her again because she understands that they could not be trusted with her heart. She would continue to pray for them but from a distance. Although it was a separation that was warranted; she felt pain as she walked away from the two that she once called her best friends. It was a breakup that she never saw coming; however, she knew over time she would heal. She learned allot from this experience and would remember it forever but not with a bitter heart. She would grow through it and become a better person. One thing she knew for sure was that God is in every room that she is not, He hears every conversation that she doesn’t, and He can take care of her enemies far better than she can.