The Mutha' of All Thankless Jobs

S. Hileman Iannazzo

11/19/2021

“Thankless Job” challenge

It's 2021, and while my ‘career’ is often criticized by the younger generations, and at times my own, I find value in what I do ‘for a living’.  Nothing. From an outsider's perspective, what I do day in and day out is dismissed as ‘Nothing’. What does she do? Oh her? Nothing. I’ve heard it said in many ways by many people through the years, that my choice to stay home and raise a family is anything but worthwhile.  My values are antiquated, old fashioned, and, dare I say, an insult to women everywhere. I went to college, I am educated, but because I did not work outside of the home, I am judged and found wanting by the same women I vehemently cheer for  in the workforce.  Anyone, in my opinion (if I’m allowed an opinion) can accomplish pretty much anything if they work hard for it. Equal pay for equal work! I voted for Hillary! None of this matters because my station in life is so often reduced to the word ‘Nothing’.   

I left college when I got married, I left the workforce when I had my first child. We struggled financially in the early years, especially after my second son was born. I had every intention of going back to work after I had my baby, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I made a choice. I wanted to be the primary caregiver in my childrens’ life. I decided that being with my kids was worth the financial sacrifices we made. I never finished college. I never did any of the things I dreamed of doing, I never studied Art History and I never published that novel. Instead, I cleaned my home, a home that I took great pride in, even as modest as it was and still is. I made breakfast and did laundry.  I ran all the errands, I paid all the bills. I interacted with my sons. I dug for worms and made up games and I nursed them when they got sick. I cleaned puke, I buried beloved hamsters, I stayed up half the night proving there were no monsters under the bed.  I read to them, sang to them and I enjoyed every moment I had with them. They’ve made me cry, and laugh, and want to pull my hair out.  I’ve been exhausted, I’ve worn the same sneakers for three years so they could have new ones every three or four months.  My uniform was mostly sweatpants and a t shirt. I wore it to doctors appointments, parent teacher conferences and a thousand ‘rides’ to the mall.  I’ve seen Lord of the Rings a hundred times, I knew who the cool wrestlers were and I knew who their friends were.  To add to the horror of my oppressed lifestyle, I catered to my husband. (GASP!)  The guy would easily work fifty hours a week, in return, as per an unspoken agreement, I did his laundry, I cooked his meals, I did all the shopping, I organized all family events, I ran the house. I knew where everything was, I knew when and what was on sale at the grocery stores. When he came home from working, there was a hot meal and a clean house. Two little boys were scrubbed and ready for bed. These ‘jobs’ weren’t required or even asked for. I gladly did all of the things that a fifties housewife did because my kids were my joy, and their happiness hinged on me not fucking things up.  Which is not to say I didn’t fuck things up, of course I made mistakes, I got frustrated, and I cried in the shower or on the back stoop when things got to be overwhelming.  I felt then, and still feel, that everyone, but especially women, should have an opportunity to mother their children full time.  I have been ‘serving’ my husband for almost thirty years. I still have to find him clean socks in the morning or remind him of an appointment.

Lots of my peers call him spoiled and are fascinated that I would choose this life. I should pause here and assure you that my choices and our sacrifices are what worked for our family.  I have so much admiration for the ladies that do it all, single moms working and pulling double duty. Women who have achieved great success in their fields can most certainly have a family and a career.  It is my belief that women have been forced to take jobs when the men in their lives failed to provide, divorce rates skyrocketed and out of financial necessity women went to work. And after a period of time when our choices were limited to wife, mother, teacher, nurse, we as a gender decided that was bullshit, handed down to us by…you guessed it, men. The world began to change and we had innovators that broke those molds, that earned PHDs, that entered the military, that said enough is enough of this shit deal, and they made it happen for future generations. We, as women, are in their debt, for they have shown every little girl that nothing is out of her reach. And while this concept still upsets some people, it's disturbing that some of these trailblazers have also left behind the impression that ‘doing nothing’ is no longer a worthwhile vocation.  As feminist and equal rights activist lobby for equality in the work force, it’s absurd that they demean the ladies who decide motherhood has value.  We can not be divided by this, we need to champion each other in all careers. Raising a family and running a home is a full time job.  A fulltime job with shit pay and no health insurance. There is a stigma attached to my career choice, and it saddens me that that stigma is often perpetrated by my fellow women and their disdain for the ‘stay at homes’.   I raised sons. I raised sons that chose strong women to spend their lives with. They are men I am proud of, men who respect all women. I have a granddaughter now, I thought this might change my mind on some of my most fundamental beliefs, but I see now that is not true. I want that little girl to know that she can have it all, I want her to know that no matter what course her life takes, she has value. So if she wants to be a mermaid rock star with a few kids and live in a doublewide trailer  with her wife, I will be there to pat her on the back. 

Fin.