Closer than ever

Greasy evenings in unsheltered terrain. The sun was nowhere to be seen. Dark clouds hovered over my shoulders in strict guard. The heavy drops kept thundering out all over the place in a revolting chitter-chatter that I start to feel them seep in through the mess of my clothes. 

Inch by inch the levels are rising and the sunken feet level had risen to my knees. The water is a turmoil in a ruddy dead brown, that I can no more see my feet. 

And it smells of wreak. I imagine the chemistry of the mixture in my head with utter disgust and despair. Why am I here? 

It’s a nowhere. Heavy downpour, water and myself. One tree, one red car and one red building in the distance and endless expanse of infinity I see no ends to. 

The leaves on the hurt-broken tree keeps dancing to the baneful storm tunes. The veils in the wind issuing high pitched screams of bloodshot fear. And so am I. The nice water fills in with rapid enthusiasm and now encircles me waist-HIGH. The only car slowly disappears into the water world like a mirage of hope. 

Why am I here? 

It’s a nowhere.

I couldn’t stand anymore as it was growing cold and I couldn’t hold the fences up-to this downpour. I looked at the clouds and they kept staring at me in anguish. Was it weird them or me? 

Questions just floated in my mind, unknowing any answers as they muddled in chaotic frenzy with time. I checked my watch. It was 11.59. But it did not move.

I tapped at it. Nothing. 

I was becoming uneasy. What was happening? I cried ‘Maa! Maaa!’ 

The echo beat to a smirking laugh filling my head. 

I swayed shakily through the water towards the building of only hope. The water was starting to chill and I was turning white to all possible reasons encircling me.

Was it a mirage? I waded in the waist high pool to the extent I was feeling, I was not a little closer. I blinked and wiped off my blurry eyes in an attempt to tune into some unknown reality. 

Just a few minutes and I could see the block in shape. A red cube shaped block of building appeared in-front of me. A stairway led up-to the block entrance. The water leveled at the top of it. 

But. 

Two doors. One White to the right. One black left. 

I looked around. Still the vast expanse was nothing. The tree was swaying faster than before and the clouds hung tighter above my head with clutched elbows. 

Genuinely, I was afraid now. It was this or nothing. So, I slowly drained up the stair way. Cautious of the wet concrete. As I looked down the water turned red in alert. It was a sea into an endless horizon. Smoke in my head. 

I reached the top and looked around. It was darker than before. The clouds turning pitch black with a sliver of light to keep me aware of the doors ahead. The wind kept echoing in my head as it tried knocking me off my feet. I was shivering in a mess of fright. 

I looked at the doors. 

I looked at the black left. I wanted to go there. It was my favorite color as always and the urge in me told. “Open it! Open it!”

I gazed at it. I could see my freinds.  Smoke filled the interior and they were dancing. As I concentrated, my favorite DJ was on and they hallucinated in divinity with their usual highs. The psychedelic lights marveled as their bodies ramped against each other in heightened excitement. That was my cue. I wanted it. I belong with my gang. I wanted that smoke after the long and exhausting nowhere I’ve been. I forgot everything else, and this was my escape. It is from nowhere to my own world. The lightening stroke harder and the thunder rumbled mystically through my ears.

As I reached for the black handle. 

I hear her. 

Her. My mother calling out my name.

I look around.

Behind the white door, I hear her calling me. I look through the peephole. 

I see my mother at home.

Waving and calling at me as she cooks the sweetest pot I’ve ever seen. The mesmerizing scent leaked all boundaries to me. There she stood he smiling and waving for me to come. I could feel like the little kid I once was.

I see my father reading the newspaper. And my sister watering my favorite roses in the garden. They look up and smiles their ever long warm smile. My heart melts. 

I see myself at home again with them. The warmth that touches my soul. 

I reach for the handle. 

The dancing DJ goes on repeat inside my head and I prance back in shock.

The sky keeps tearing apart now. The clouds bursting in ripping anger. I fall on my knees and tears start falling down my cheeks. I am crying. I can feel it harden in my chest and am gasping for breath. 

Why am I here? It is a nowhere.

The world around is hinting me. Telling me I’ve got to choose. Just one. One door to escape from the storm. And here I am lost. I wanted my high world and also wanted to be home now more than ever.

“Maa! Maa!” I cried in cradles hope. 

I had been left all the time. And I wanted to be right. 

The water was leveling up again. It was now or never. I looked at the left. No one called me, they were in their own worlds of soothing excitement. No one cared to look at me drenching outside. 

I looked right. And there she was still waving and calling at me. I wiped my eyes. 

I reached for the white handle and pulled it with all my strength. 

It was nowhere. But now I was everywhere I wanted to be. Right. Family. Home. 

It was good to be there. 

The clock struck 12 and ticked.

Peace. 

Papa got up and dangled the keys as he opened the door again, “I’ll bring ice cream” and stepped out. I followed. The sun was shining bright. The street was buzzing into activity. I hugged Maa. “Strawberry” I called out as Papa drove off in our little red car.

It was always closer than ever.