I am on a Date

This was going to be our first official date together. I had wanted desperately to 'forget" that I had a one night stand with a brand new guy whom I met at a supermarket and barely knew. I was innocent looking still wanting him, my real date, to take me seriously. I waltzed slowly to the door when it was time to leave as though I knew all along that I would be with him. He wore a sweater shaped like a  V neck and a beard which was combed perfectly well. He wore slacks. The pants that mother like to see you wear to church. Everyday if she could have her way. Anyway both of us, we were in the truth section of the room. We walked to my car, a smaller one of the two. I think he was being polite or aa agreeable feminist. He didn't want me to appear like I didn't matter so early in the date. We all knew it would be up to me later to ask him up for coffee. Absurd! Coffee at ten or 11 pm. Any way those are the rules of the dating game.

We walked hand in hand and glanced at each other wondering if we were okay to be leaving his apartment to a fancy restaurant! In the car I could tell that my seat was much too close to the steering wheel for him. He was a big guy and needed room in my Fiat. We drove up the road to a restaurant where we were asked to sit down by a nice demure gentleman who was laughing at a joke that he should not have thought of at work. He kept suppressing laughter and worried that we might ask him what was "so funny." He asked us to sit down without even asking us if we liked the table where he asked us to sit. He presented us with a menu and offered us selections of wines from the vineyard which he non nonchalantly pointed at, through the window! We didn't believe him that such wine grew outside our table from where we were sitting.

We liked red wine which precluded that we should had to order steak.

I insisted just like I insist that only in the afternoon should we eat lunch not even left overs until after noon, 12 pm, that is. It is such a bad habit which has made me a scoundrel to many of my dates when they wake up wanting to eat left over pizza. The little girl in me says, 'no you can't have pizza until it is noon.'

We ordered steaks and they were larger than our plates and I was embarrassed when I realized that I was waffling large pieces in a hurry and I was almost choking. I hadn't had steak in years. I usually minimize what I like the most. It is a habit which I grew up with. The more I liked something the less of it I would do or choose including foods.

"Usually I would be wondering about you.... if you were somebody else" he finally said amid pieces of steak and salad.

"What do you mean?" I said making sure that I did not sound sultry from enjoying a steak which I hadn't tasted in years. Maybe it was not such a good idea to monitor myself or to not allow myself free-range with all that I like.

"I mean, you are enjoying your steak. It looks good. I like steak. I usually order seafood if I am in a restaurant. It seems like a polite order to me. " he said.

" I know what you mean. Tonight is a special night for me. I promised myself that if we chose red wine I would order steak. I have not had a steak in about two and half years." I said.

" Are you among the crowd that believe that steak will clog your arteries?" he asked, still bemused.

"No, I just limit myself with everything that I like the most. I like steak. It is not a feminine meat, so I limit myself. I like candy, so I don't buy or eat candy. I like cakes so I don't bake or each baked goods. It is a habit. I feel grounded that way. I have other more meaningful likes in my life other than tasty treats. I do occasionally reward myself. For instance, if I have a promotion at work I might order steak and lobster just to be happy." I said feeling self-conscious revealing my bad self to a mere stranger.

He motioned for a waiter to bring another bottle of red sparkling wine which I have to say was excellent, linked with a non-committal conversation that we were having.

The waiter returned with a bottle of wine with a smile. He thought he was being funny by telling us a knock knock joke still amused from whatever it was that he was finding hilarious that evening! "Knock! Knock!" "Who's there!" "Nobel!" "Nobel who?"  "Nobel...that's why I am knocking!"

"Now, that's hilarious! That's funny!" he said and clapped his hands while reaching out for his napkin and wiped his beard. I looked up at the waiter who was a tiny man and he was starting to make me self conscious more than I needed to as a lady out on a date with a marvelous man. I smiled and used my napkin to make sure that I didn't make a mess of myself.

We sat silently having given the waiter his moment and looked around the restaurant. Everyone was whispering, embroiled in silent conversations. I started to feel ready to leave because it was the end of the week and as much as I wanted to be in the restaurant whispering sweet nothings to my friend I was also getting drunk.

When we were silent he was always the one who started a conversation. I let him be the one to jump start what the waiter had managed to overrule. He asked the waiter for a check and we paid and left.

My car was noticeable comfy and tiny at the same time but he did not seem to mind. We both entered his apartment knowing that the old me who danced the night away was silent but there. We slept together, had sex and felt unnecessary the following morning when we woke up and realized that we liked each other but we were not married. I was shy to show him my body and he wasn't shy to show him his.

I rushed to the kitchen for a strong coffee, and waited for my turn to take a bath. I could not remember if I had a cat to feed or to let out. I could barely remember which apartment I lived in. Once I had a roommate whom I had to call every time I had a date. We would spend the first hour of the morning at his place making sure that I spent the night with the right guy. That I was in the right apartment.

Once I started out with one guy and ended up on a stranger's couch. Luckily he was as drunk as I was and did  not care who I was in fact he asked me to lock up once I was up.  He had to go to the studio for practice. I did not have the gumption to wait for him and find out who he was. I looked at the photos around his apartment and could not place him.

Those were my days and my nights. With him, my latest love of my life I felt okay. He cleansed me. I thought highly of myself for once. I wanted to stay and see what happens the day after a might together on a date. I was not going to ask if it we had a date or a relationship. I had read many magazines and heard many stories that it might have been so too soon to talk about the status of the encounter. The relationship word always spoiled things in a decent friendship.

With this one I felt okay. Why didn't I feel that way with my other sweet guys that I desperately wanted. Perhaps they were not him. I felt centered. Like I felt when I was young and happy with my parents whenever I accomplished something, I would go into character and they found that to be funny and so did I. I could not go into character he didn't know me very well so I behaved like any other girl would. I fumbled for my clothes. and asked to leave.

"I thought you were going to take a bath?' he said" I thought so too." I said and rushed for my purse and grabbed and kissed him. " This is me kissing you good bye! I couldn't help myself and I ran off like the wind, and drove away, and rushed home.

I could tell that I left him amazed at what had just happened him. I waited for him to call and he didn't call. Which served me right because I had originally planned to take a bath and walk to the coffee shop with him and then stroll to the flower shop and then run home. Something good was about to happen to me. I was going to be someone's lady! The Phone rang!