Reflections

               “Come to the beach, they said. It will be fun they said. Now look at me. I’m so tired of people thinking they know what’s best for me. I keep telling them that I’m fragile and that my skin can’t take the sun, but do they listen? No! Of course not. They just talk over me telling me I’m paranoid and that there is nothing wrong with me. Look at this!” She stretched the skin on her face, showing off the tiny bumps that had begun to form. The camera zoomed in a little and it revealed a very mild sun rash.

               “Every year! “She continued, raking a hand through her already messed up hair, she knew she looked a little crazed, but she didn’t care. This morning when she woke up and saw the tiny, itchy pimples on her face, she had lost it. Now here she was, recording a video to send out to the world even though some where deep inside she knew that this was a terrible idea and that she would regret it.

               “Every year, this happens. I listen to people because I am such a push over, and they never have to deal with the consequences. That is just for me to deal with. Thanks a lot” she huffed. Crossing her arms over her chest. “Imagine, dragging a girl who is allergic to the sun to the beach for the day! Can you fathom it? Like, hey, does snow make you sick? Let’s go skiing! Or do you dissolve in ocean water? I know lets go for a swim. People are so insensitive! I am done going out. I’m not leaving my house anymore and all you beach going sun worshippers can kiss my butt.” She nodded at the camera and with a satisfied click she ended the recording. A message flashed on screen that asked her if she wanted to submit. She hesitated, that tiny part of her brain screaming no! Don’t do it. She closed the laptop, thinking she could always send it later and went back to the bathroom to look at her face.

               There were ten spots in total. She had counted and recounted them, obsessing about how now she would be scarred and ugly forever. She imagined walking down the street. People staring, children pointing, dogs barking in confusion and anger at the monster before them. She shuddered and resisted the urge the scratch at one of the tiny spots on her chin.

               “Hideous! With these stupid spots how can I ever be beautiful? They make me so ugly!” she said to her own reflection as tears began to well up in her eyes.

               “If you say so.” replied her reflection, it had a adopted a kind of mean expression she usually reserved for people who proved, irrevocably that they were stupid.

               “Excuse me?” she asked, staring at the mirror, incredulous. Her reflection yawned as if bored with her and replied.

               “You think that these spots are what makes you ugly but you and I both know that’s wrong. It’s not the spots sister.” It smiled at her. A grin of evil blossomed on its face that scared her a little though she refused to admit it.

               “Of course, it’s the spots!” she insisted. “With out them I would be flawless, and happy and kind. The stupid sun always does this to me. Keeps me locked here like a prisoner. I go out to the beach once and look at me! This is all my friends’ fault, and the sun.” her reflection shook its head at her, not buying a word of it.

               “That’s really the problem you know. No one cares about a few sunspots that fade with in 2 days. You know like they do every year. Your ‘allergy’ gets triggered once a year and then fades out like it never happened. Besides, you have 3 Sunhats, was it your friends’ fault that you decided not to bring any of them? Was that the sun’s fault too?”

               “Of course it was!” She insisted, glaring at her reflection “My friends go to the beach all the time, why didn’t one of them tell me to bring a hat? It’s just like them to only think of themselves.”

Her reflection rolled its eyes and gave her the ‘do you even hear yourself?’ look that her mother used to give her back when she still lived at home.

               “Do you really want to be the type of person who needs to be mothered by all her friends? Also just a side note, have you ever told any one what to wear to one of your events? Like do you send out emails about bringing an umbrella if its going to rain, or do you expect them to be adults and know what they need to be comfortable. Are you friends with adults or children?”

               “Adults” she said, tears spilling down her face, burning slightly as they ran over an errant spot or two on the way down to her chin. With a petulant glare she looked her reflection in the eye and asked

               “Why are you being so mean to me?”

               Her refection smirked at her and shook its head. It was treating her like a small stupid child, and she hated it. She wanted to be angry but some how she could not find it once the words began to set in.

               “I’m not being mean.” It said, the tone softening a little “I am being honest, just like a mirror is supposed to be. I’m not saying anything you don’t already know. Its not the sun-spots, nor any pimples or blemishes, it’s not your weight, or your hair color or your clothing choice.”

               She scowled at herself and her reflection scowled back. Twisted into an ugly smirk that made her feel awful.

               “Then what?” she demanded, finding the anger after all.

               “Its your attitude, you silly little girl. It is that scowl and that sharp tongue. It’s that meanness you don’t even hold back from yourself. If you believe you are ugly the world will agree, people don’t need much convincing.”

               Shocked for a moment she sat quietly. Her reflection staring back at her, now just a reflection. It stared back at her, shock clear on its features. She stared into her own eyes for what felt like an hour, seeing the tiny flecks of gold in her other wise forest green eyes.

               “My eyes are really pretty.” she said out loud, and her reflection smiled at her. She put a hand to her face and realized she was the one smiling. She liked that look. She focused on her lips, they were plump and smooth. She puckered them into a kiss and her reflection did the same. She liked her lips she realized, and she said this out loud as well. She noticed her smile got even bigger. Her hair fell across her eyes and she brushed it back, pinning it to the side with a hair clip she rarely used. It looked kind of funky and she left it where it was. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, she thought as she rubbed some cream over her spots. She gave herself a brilliant smile, brilliant white teeth gleaming in the bathroom mirror.

               “Wow,” she said out loud “My teeth are amazing!” She realized that if she was focused on her smile and her eyes, she wasn’t seeing the spots at all. She thought back to the day at the beach and realized that, actually, it had been a really fun day. She went back to her laptop and began a new video.

               “Go to the beach they said, it will be fun they said and you know what? They were so right! Had a great time at the beach! Learned a valuable lesson though and so I will share. Bring a hat folks, that sun rash can be itchy but it wont last forever. Hope it’s a great day and I’ll post again tomorrow” She gave her brilliant smile and posted the video to her social media. It was going to be a good day she decided as she closed her laptop and got back to her life.