Party Time

“Do you think 10 year olds even have birthday parties anymore?...I mean, Chloe has never been invited to any…”

“Babe, it’s going to be fine.”

“It has to be fine. Doesn’t it? I mean it will be...right?”

“Right.” He rubbed the knots in her shoulders. She grimaced.

“Crap!, I didn’t ask about allergies...do you think any of the kids

have food allergies?  All I need is for someone to start swelling or

vomiting or breaking into hives. Chloe would be mortified if I killed

one of her new friends.” 

She turned and smooshed her face into his chest, muttering. Clayton pulled her close.

“Steph listen, everything is going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that.”  she stiffened.  

Years of infertility had taken its toll on them. When

Chloe was finally born, happiness flooded them both, washing the

past clean for him; it wasn’t the same for her. Her happiness came

with an uneasy edge. What if something went wrong? Her first-

time-mother doting was expected and endearing for awhile, but as

time wore on, it became a source of irritation to Clayton and boiled

over into friction and fighting at times.  Why couldn’t she just enjoy

Chloe and be happy? He consented to moving Chloe to a private

school, at considerable expense and inconvenience, because

Stephanie was concerned about her lack of social activity. She

didn’t seem to connect with the girls in the neighborhood. When

Chloe asked to have friends over for her 10th birthday it appeared

the sacrifice had paid off. He hoped it would ease Stephanie’s

mind and she could relax and enjoy the party.

 “What if no one shows up?” Stephanie whispered, still buried in his chest.

“Then me and you and Chloe will just climb into the Honda and drive straight into Santaquin reservoir putting an end to our suffering.”

Humor was a gamble that always paid off when they were dating...the odds had decreased considerably since Chloe was born. He rolled the dice. He got lucky.

“You’re sick...and not very funny...and the res is only 3 feet deep.”

“True on all accounts but we could catch frogs…”

“I can see I am all alone in this.” She plopped onto the couch smiling. He sat beside her, kissed her neck, lightly touched her arm, raising goosebumps, remembering the witty girl he fell in love with.

“Chloe delivered the invites?”

Stephanie nodded and closed her eyes.  “She took them to school last week.”

“Okay then, you’re all set.” He kissed her clavicle.

“You’re distracting me.” She touched his cheek. “I’m trying to have a panic attack over here.” 

“I can see that.” He kissed her nose.  He kissed her hair.

“You could stay and help.”

“With the panic attack or the party?" he laughed

"Very funny!" she helped a throw pillow live up to it's name.

"Not a chance babe, not a chance." he headed for the door.

“Chicken!” Another pillow fulfilled its destiny and flew across the room. Clayton blew her a kiss and was gone.

Chloe had been in her room reading since breakfast, typical Saturday behavior and not even a first- ever -friends-over-birthday party was going to change it.

“Chloe honey, can I come in?”

Chloe was still in bed but had swapped pajamas for school clothes. Stephanie sat on the edge of the bed and Chloe rolled toward her smiling. Stephanie stroked her hair.

“Are you excited for your party?”

"I really am! Are you?” Chloe let her feet dangle off the bed.

“I am. I’m really excited to meet your friends. I  can’t believe how old you are! It happened so fast!”

“It didn't feel fast.”

“That’s because you’re young, you wait until you get older…time really flies.”

Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Grown-ups always say that.”

“That’s because it’s true. Now put that book away and let’s go party!”

At five minutes to party time, Chloe sat in the entryway chair reading her book. In the kitchen Stephanie pulled a pepperoni pizza out of the oven and slid a cheese in. Always best to have something for the vegetarians in the crowd. She was getting more excited. Chloe was in a good mood and everything was coming together. Clayton was right...everything was going to be just fine. He had a way of reeling her in, she loved him for it, counted on him.  She also knew she was too anxious about Chloe. It was hard on Clayton and it wasn’t good for their marriage or for her psyche. It was time to forget about the other shoe dropping and settle into the miracle of motherhood. She let herself be happy and cut the pizza into slices. The phone rang and she knew it would be Clayton checking on things.

“How’s it going?”

“Great! Fine!, really good.”

“Wow, you sound great.”

“I feel great. Hey, I’m sorry I was such a basket case.”

“It wasn’t a whole case, just a six pack of crazy.”

“Seriously, I’m sorry... not just for today but for all of it.”

“Seriously, it’s okay. I’m glad your doing better.”

“Me too, things are gonna be better, I can feel it. Now I'm hanging up on you because the little people will be here any second!”  

The timer on the oven went off just as she heard Chloe open the front door. Stephanie giggled to herself. Heat rushed out of the oven door flushing her face red. It couldn’t be more perfect. She nearly cried. She heard Chloe talking excitedly and forced herself to stay in the kitchen. Chloe wasn’t a baby after all...she could hang-out by herself with friends. It was a delicious thought. Her stomach growled.

“Mom!” Chloe called “I want you to come meet my friends.”

Stephanie smiled. Should she be nervous? Should or shouldn’t, she definitely was. These were not just any girls, these were Chloe’s first friends. The friends she felt comfortable enough with to invite to her very first party.  The girls who included her and accepted her introverted ways...these were special girls and she felt her heart swell with love for them. Deep breath.

She walked through the kitchen door and blinked...quick at first and then long and slow like someone waking from a dream. There was a dry patch on her throat and she had a hard time swallowing past it. Light poured in from the narrow windows by the front door. She remembered they had thought about replacing them when they first bought the house but she convinced Clayton to leave them; now their light revealed a swath of dust on the dark stained hardwood that she missed when she mopped the night before. She scanned the room from one corner of the ceiling to the other, aware that her heart was beating faster and faster. The crown molding was original, just like the hardwood floors. It wasn’t perfect, there were cracks, but she convinced Clayton to keep it as well. What’s a little imperfection compared to 100 years of history. She noted four places that could use some caulk and fresh paint. Should she leave now and get the caulking gun? Chloe’s hand was in hers.

“Mom?”

“Yes Chloe.” Her voice shook. Her hand was ice cold, the warmth from Chloe’s hand sent a shiver up her neck. She cleared her throat. She stared at the over-sized photograph of the three of them, hanging  above the high backed piano. It was taken not long after Chloe was born. Not long after they had become a family. Not long after the years of disappointment had ended in celebration. When the start of real life and real happiness was to have begun. She could tell by the way the photograph captured Clayton’s eyes that he had just been laughing. She could see Chloe’s sparse hair had a slight hint of red, even then.

“Come meet my friends….why are you being so weird?”  Chloe whispered and tugged her mother deeper into the room.

Stephanie allowed herself to be led forward, noting as she walked, that the light fixture could use a good cleaning. On second thought, maybe remove the light fixture totally and only use a few lamps. Low light. Mood lighting. The less light the better in this room. 

“Mom, this is Abby,  Jen, and Scout... that’s not her real name but she just finished ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’ and wants to be called that now.”  Chloe whispered. “April had to go to the dentist and couldn’t come.”  Chloe smiled and moved her mother’s arm back and forth like they were walking in the park. 

Abby, Jen, and Samantha were names she had heard before. She could only assume Samantha was now Scout. April she hadn't heard of. Chloe had just finished 'To Kill A Mockingbird' herself. . She had heard Chloe say goodbye to these girls as they pulled away from the school drop off/pick-up zone. Had the girls ever waved back? Had they ever shouted "goodbye Chloe!" as she pulled from the curb? She closed her eyes and focused. She couldn’t remember. It was crowded. Girls everywhere. She was worried about maneuvering the old Honda out of the way of the Audis and Mercedes’.  

Stephanie kept her eyes shut tight. The smell of pizza had crawled into the living room and her stomach rolled. She remembered talking to Clayton. She tried to conjure up the feeling she had earlier. The happiness. Everything was going to be fine. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, forced herself to look straight ahead and not at the ceiling. Kid level. 10 year old girl level. Chloe continued to swing her arm, smiling brightly while Stephanie stared into the empty room.