From Our First Kiss to Our Last

My Dearest Love,

It seems like a lifetime ago that we met. We had been so young and so carefree. Now as it often does, life has taken its toll on us both. That first moment though was wonderful and awkward all at the same time. We were innocent then of the ways of men and women. Innocent of so very many things but we have learned together. We shared a lot of firsts together from the first time we held hands until the first time we had a child. One of my most precious memories though is of our first kiss. I don’t really think either of us were very good at it but it had sealed out fates as one together forever. The feel of your rough lips on mine sent shivers of excitement through my body. The world just disappeared around us as you held me in your arms and kissed me. From that moment on I craved that feeling, I craved your kiss, your embrace. As long as I am in your arms I will always be safe, always feel love and always find my peace. Even now as I write this I feel all of those things just thinking about forever being in your arms as you kiss me.  

After years of love and our share of heartbreak I find myself at a loss. For the first time in my life I feel unsure of what lies ahead for me. I know that soon I will no longer be in your arms kissing you and feeling all those wonderful things that come from you loving me. I find myself terrified that I will be without you to cherish as you cherish me. I have never before feared death as much as I do now. Not the act of dying as much as the not being with you as you continue to live your life. I will miss so much without you. I will however keep that first kiss we shared. The clumsiness of your lips, limbs and bodies will forever be mine.  

I will be with you, even if you can’t see or hear me, until the time when you join me wherever that may be.

Your Ever Loving Wife,

Ellery

Ronan found the above letter about a month after his beloved wife, Ellery had passed away due to cancer. There was no date on the letter so he is unsure when she actually wrote it but he thinks it had been shortly after her cancer had progressed too far to treat. Now a year later he still weeps as he reads her words and at how he misses her. She had been such a huge part of his life. On the last day of her life she had been having a good day. They had gone to the park, since it was a very nice and warm day, and had a picnic like they used to when they were young. They had walked a little in the woods after eating and shared several long kisses along the way. She seemed so happy as they strolled along the short trails. He had never seen such peace on her face.  

Later after they had returned home she had become tired so they sat in front of the fireplace and watched a movie. He doesn’t remember the movie now but he knows it had been one of her favorites. Before she had fallen asleep she leaned over to him and kissed him then, said, “One last kiss.” Before she closed her eyes. What he didn’t realize or know until the end of the movie was that she had passed while they had watched the movie snuggled up on the couch. She laid her head on his shoulder and placed her hand in his before closing her eyes for the last time. When he finally realized what had happened he didn’t want to believe it. The woman that had been his life was gone forever. He would never again feel her in his arms. Never again feel her lips on his. So he held her for a long time before making himself get his phone and call for an ambulance. As he waited he held her close and said, “I will forever love you!” He only let her go when there was a knock at the door. He placed her gently down on the couch, pulling her favorite blanket around her, then answered the door.  

Years later he kept to his word, he still loves her and he will love her until the end of time. His family has come to him several times over the years telling him he needs to move on but he won’t, he can’t. He will never find someone to fill the hole in his heart left by a lifetime of love with his beloved Ellery. In truth it would not be fair to any other woman. They would forever be compared to his Ellery.  

He has become somewhat accustomed to living alone although he feels Ellery with him every second of every day. He often finds it strange what one becomes accustomed to when there is no other real choice. He’s asked himself, on more than one occasion, if it can be called becoming accustomed to something if you have no real choice in the matter. Then he smiles as he thinks that Ellery would have the answer he was looking for. Of course it might be a load of crap but it was an answer and it would have made them both laugh.  

Over the years he has moved a couple of times. First once the house they had shared became too much to manage and way too painful to face alone then finally to an assisted living complex when his age began to catch up to him. That’s where we find him now in a small apartment with just enough room for him and not much else. Of course that’s all he needs. His apartment is filled with the things from his first home with Ellery. Her photos are strewn about the house as are all of the paintings she had done before she had died. It was as close as he could ever come to having her with him again.  

When Ronan woke one morning he felt better than he has in a very long time. There happens to be a path that runs around the complex where he lives that skirts a nearby river and wanting to enjoy the day he decides to take a walk. As he walks he remembers the last walk he took with his beloved and smiles. “She would have loved this place.” He thinks as he comes to the river. He feels movement beside him as he’s looking out at the water and turns towards it. Before his stands Ellery as she had been when they were young and carefree. She smiles brightly and replies, “You are right my love, it is absolutely perfect. I know an even better spot that is waiting for you though. I will be there waiting when you come.” Then with a soft kiss on his cheek she vanishes. Feeling even better than he had initially, he walks back home for his afternoon nap.  

When he gets back to his apartment he goes into his room, wraps himself up in his wife’s favorite blanket and falls asleep.

When he wakes some time he finds himself laying in the softest grass he’s ever felt. He sits up and finds that he is in the most beautiful place he’s ever seen. There are snow capped mountains, a gurgling river, deep green grass, beautiful flowers and trees and best of all standing next to him is his beautiful wife. He jumps up and embraces her kissing her much like he had for their first kiss, clumsily and full of hope.