Lost Delivery

As it happens, my grandfather did own a Ford Pintos and I did drive it for awhile. Some of my coworkers looked at me and wondered how the thing could even run. My late father in law took one look and said, "I don't need to get into it!"

Lost Delivery

"In forty feet, make a u-turn"

"What?!! Oh great.  Round and round we go!"

To be fair, it's not the first time, the GPS sent me the long way around.

Hello.  I'm your local delivery guy.driving a little red Pinto.

“Whaaattttt!?!?”

Yes, I said Pinto!  It still runs!!  I inherited it from my late grandfather!  It was the first car he bought brand new!  The 

As you can probably guess, I live on my tips and my reputation and that's about it.  If I have neither, I'm in trouble.

Yes, I know!  ‘you’re driving a Pinto and you're worried about your rep?’. Quit picking on my little car!

Sigh

I have found that the hardest thing to learn when making deliveries, is actually trusting the GPS with its somewhat cumbersome and sometimes confusing directions.

I followed the words of the GPS and, made a u-turn, as instructed in my little red pinto , and went in the opposite direction.

"Are you okay?", the phone intoned, alerting me to a text from the customer.

I cleared my throat before speaking through Alexa.

"I'm a little turned around, but I'm okay.  Heading your way according to the GPS"

The phone fell silent for a time.  This usually meant that I was heading in the right direction for once, that was a good thing, right?

Sigh..

"At the end of the road, take the round a bound"

"What? "

"At the end of the road, take the round a bound.   

You know a round a bound."

I shook my head.  What kind of GPS is this? 

"Sorry, take the loop to Highway 109 and head North."

"Uuhhhhhh???!

The GPS cracked static at me and screeched.   “Kkkkccçccxxxxxxxxx!  Skeeeeechhhh!..head North.”

" Wait a sec.  Highway 109 runs east to west, not North."

"That's what I said.  Head North.

I decided to pull over to the side and check my phone again.  I put the stick in first gear, and slid into a small spot on the highway and parked, and picked up the phone.  It still said to head North on 109 which is impossible right?

The GPS was silent, still displaying the same information, the same road and same directions.

I decided to contact my customer and let them know I was delayed.

"Trust the GPS, the customer replied back.  I know it sounds weird, but it's actually correct."

I sighed and started back on the road, getting the little pinto in gear and headed on the road still shaking my head, struggling to wrap my head around the weirdness of it all.  I found it odd that I was having to trust both the GPS and the customer to get me where I needed to go.

"In 4 miles, turn right"

"I hope there's a road or something, there.", I said aloud.

The GPS said nothing further.  I glanced at it suspiciously, waiting for it to deliver some snarky remark.  None came this time.

Some five minutes later, I heard a few beeps and a screech from the GPS.  "Scccccccxxxxxxhhhh,.chhnhzzzzzzzz"

"Turn right."

"What?!?, but there's just a fence there!"

"Turn right!", it repeated.

I looked and found a small, gravel driveway, that seemed to lead downward towards some kind of  wheat field.  I shrugged my shoulders and turned tight.

"Keep going straight until morning"

"????"

I shook my head again as my little pinto rocked and shook on the unpaved driveway. 

"Don't worry, son.  You're doing fine, even though you're driving a death trap, he he he!", the customer said through the app.

I glanced down at the phone again.  "This is definitely the weirdest delivery I have ever made".  Rattle rattle, rumble rumble.  I felt like the inside of a maraca.   

"In half a mile, turn right"

The little driveway started to smooth out a bit into a paved driveway, which was odd but welcome, nonetheless.   Unfortunately, I didn't see a right turn anywhere.

"Turn right"..

"Ummmmm... where?"

"Turn right.  Turn right.  Turn right.  Turn right."

“What the hell?”

“Calculating directions”

“Huh?”

“Turn left and make a u-turn.  Then drive for 519 miles on hwy 102.”

“Ummmmm…..okay.”

Skkkkkeeeeeeesh. Screeeeeee.

“Say what happened?”, the customer said through the GPS.  My app is telling me you're turning away”

“Apologies, sir.  The app suddenly told me to turn around and drive for 519 miles on highway 102.”

Silence

“Okay. Came the reply.  Trust me.  I will guide  you here myself.  You're almost there.  Turn around and drive down for about mile.  My place will be on the right.”

Breathing heavily, I gave my thanks to the customer and headed down this paved road.  It didn't look like much with fields of grass on either side and a wire fence. 

“Okay, I see you now.  Turn right at the entrance”.

I looked at my destination and gaped.  Here was a junkyard that had piles and piles of wrecked vehicles, stacked up on each other.  I turned into the entrance and found a bearded man smiling at me.  

He guided me to a parking spot and greeted me warmly.

“Wow!  You’ve really done a good job with this baby!”

I nodded my head.  “My grandfather took care of this for a long time.  Did regular maintenance, washed and waxed it regularly.  It's never been in a wreck either.”

He nodded and smiled again 

“It seems a shame to….well, junk it.”

The bearded man looked at me in the eye and with a smile, he said “follow me!  I wanna show you something.”

I shrugged and followed him up a hill beyond the junkyard to a a concrete building.  Once we got close, the man turned back to me before throwing open the double doors.

“Feast your eyes on this!”

Again, my jaw just dropped.  This building was almost like a showroom from a dealership that was ready to sell the most expensive vehicles to the masses.  What was unique about it was that was filled with Ford Pintos from just about every year and they were all in pristine condition.

I touched the hood of one of them with a smile, shaking my head.  

“How is this like even possible?”

“Oh, I have my ways!”, he said evasively.  “Go ahead have seat inside!”

I opened the door to one of the red Pintos and got inside and the unmistakable new car smell came to my nostrils.  I wondered if this was how my grandfather felt when he first bought his.

The bearded man came to the driver's side.

“Funny isn't it?”

“Hmmmm?”

“You were lost on your way here and now?”

I understood.  I was home now.