Unloveable

Rhoslyn inched closer to Maui, so their bodies were mere inches apart as they walked the streets. He glanced at her but said nothing, and his gaze instantly returned to their surroundings. Maui knew she had an issue with being around so many strangers and so would likely assume that’s why she wanted to be close to him. Well, that, and she still lacked confidence in her skills. Which was dangerous for her and anyone she worked with, but it was hard to convince someone who’d never been praised or rewarded for their accomplishments of how good they were.

There was also the strange feeling of safety she felt when near him, which was unbelievable when one considered all the stories about him. How he tortured people to get information. Performed painful experiments on them just for the simple curiosity of how their bodies or minds would react. Nearly everyone who met him merely had to take one look into his eyes to tremble in fear as they knew that, if he so chose, he could kill them before they could blink.

She’d heard the stories and sought him out for his power. Yet people had other assumptions about why she stayed with him. Rumors and whispers that he’d likely heard as well. The one thing none of the whispers or rumors could reveal was why the people felt the way they did. Why did they think the two of them were a couple? How could they be?

Maui was as ruthless, apathetic, heartless, and emotionless as possible. He had to be to acquire as much power as he had. As for herself? She was timid, compassionate, loyal, and honest. Everything he wasn’t. Yet that hadn’t and wouldn’t stop her from making ruthless or difficult decisions to protect herself or those she cared about.

What could he possibly want with her? She was nothing more than an inconvenience whose limited training and morality sometimes made things extremely difficult for him. Granted, there was the way she so casually and wholly accepted his words and actions. No matter what he said or did, she could always justify it.

He killed a sick man after he received the information he needed instead of the agreed payment. They’d both considered it a mercy killing, as the man was too far gone for science to have saved him. The man just refused to admit it. Why let him live in pain? Have his hope slowly fade away with each passing moment until he realized he’d wasted his last weeks on the planet?

Once, a woman in his service refused to obey one of Maui’s orders because it went against her morality. It was one of those lives of the one versus the lives of the many situations. What she’d been tasked to do would have saved so many people. All she had to do was murder the man she loved before he could finish synthesizing his virus.

So, Maui had arranged for the woman’s child, who the man had never met, to become the first test subject. Rhoslyn was…mostly certain he wouldn’t have let the child die without cause or reason. But the idea alone was enough to force the woman’s hand. If she’d still refused, Maui would have killed the woman himself. Any mother who wouldn’t do anything to protect their child couldn’t be trusted.

Due to the things she’d been through and experienced in her childhood and early teens, she’d developed a strange sense of…was it morality? She saw things differently than most and understood that sometimes, the harshest and hardest actions needed to be taken. His training methods were often extreme, painful, and occasionally, near-fatal experiences. Even with all that, she’d remained by his side.

Instead of concern that she stayed with him out of fear or from being controlled or manipulated, they’d chosen to believe she loved him. Why? Did she look or act a certain way around him? His rare compliments, smiles, and praises meant the world to her. When they had vicious spars to where they sweated profusely and ended with numerous cuts, scrapes, and bruises, she felt so very alive. She’d never been in love. Nor had she ever been around it to know what it would look like. Could it be?

When Maui paused, Rhoslyn glanced at him to find his gaze locked onto hers. The focus of his molten red eyes on her made her stomach flutter, and she felt like she was drowning. He then looked her up and down as if he sensed her thoughts were not on the mission and wanted to ensure she was up for the task.

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Maui glanced at Rhoslyn when she moved closer to him. She did so often when there were many strangers around. It was a clear sign she was tense, which concerned him. If her mind wasn’t entirely on the mission, she was a risk. Perhaps he should tell her to stay back? Fuck no. That would just piss her off and make her act like a bitch for hours. This mission was set to be exhausting enough. There was no way he planned to deal with that.

He quickly returned his attention to the task at hand. It didn’t matter if she got distracted; he could always improvise and cover her mistakes. That made him question why he kept her around. She was always in some form of trouble or another, to the point where if he took his eyes off her for one second, she’d gotten herself into a situation she couldn’t get out of. Usually, because she had no filter between her mouth and brain. Maui enjoyed that smart mouth of hers, especially in the rare times she could match his wit. Not that he would ever admit it. But she needed to learn time and place.

As his gaze fell upon a man pull a woman into an alley to steal a couple of hidden kisses, his thoughts turned to the rumors and whispers he’d heard. He doubted Rhoslyn knew of them, as she tended to be lost in her own little world most of the time. But he found it amusing that people would see them as a couple. Especially when they fought and trained publicly. When people knew he was an Assassin and a damn good one. Why would he ever keep a seemingly incompetent protégé around?

Such thoughts made him blink, and he had to avoid another glance at her so she didn’t think she was on his mind. Why did he keep her around? Aside from the fact that she seemed to be the first person in his life to genuinely understand him, to accept all his darkness and quirks without hesitation. A few times, she’d argued with him about things. He even ceded to her request once when she brought up a valid point he hadn't thought of.

Then there were the times when they sparred. How focused and in control she was then. Rhoslyn had no thoughts about her shortcomings then. Her entire focus was on the battle. The way she moved then. With such deadly precision. From one stance into the next, as if she danced. There was always a smile on her face and light in her eyes. And the bloodier the battle became, the more alive she looked. She wore all her bruises and scars proudly when they came from him. Others, she had healed or covered up.

Yet, he didn’t think it was possible she loved him. Not only was he a vicious, heartless monster. But from what he knew of her past, she hadn't ever known love. Her own family tried to kill or experiment on her in various times and ways because of the unique power she held. She’d been abused, betrayed, broken, bloodied. Rhoslyn had been through as much hell as he had in his life. Perhaps that was why he kept her around? Because he thought them kindred spirits?

Despite how poorly she thought of herself and her abilities, she was one of the strongest people he knew. Anyone who could go through what she had and still have a gentle heart…The world needed more people like her. Who used their defeats, setbacks, failures, and pain to make themselves stronger or as an incentive to pursue their ambitions.

That was why, even though he admired, respected, and trusted her, he couldn’t ever love her. She deserved better than him. Somewhere out there in the world was someone who could help her through her insecurities. Who could banter with her as he did but also bring out the purity, joy, and happiness she’d been denied all her life. He was irredeemable. Rhoslyn hadn't trained under him for long, so she could still be saved.

Perhaps after this mission, he would end their ‘relationship’ and push her away from this life before she became like him. He hadn't realized he’d paused to stare at her until she turned to look at him. Those golden-brown eyes of hers caught his attention. Maui looked her up and down to pass his pause off as a check to see if she was up for the challenge. When his gaze returned to hers, he felt…strange.

Her honey-colored eyes looked at him in a way he’d never seen before. There was no way he saw what he thought he saw, though. She couldn’t possibly love someone like him. And yet. After everything he put her through over the last few months as part of her training, she still eagerly followed him wherever he went. When he returned from missions, he hadn't taken her along on, she excitedly greeted him. As a dog did to their Human, whether they’d been gone for five minutes or hours. Rhoslyn always begged to go with him, no matter how dangerous or insignificant the mission was. It was as if she couldn’t bring herself to spend a single second away from him.

Did she love him? No. It wasn’t possible. What if she was an Assassin sent after him? To worm her way into his heart so she could destroy him more easily? The thought…Angered him. Strange. Why did he not fear the prospect of being used like that? His eyes explored her face. He hadn't ever noticed how beautiful she was. She wasn’t like other women, who primped and preened. Rhoslyn preferred natural beauty, another positive for her.

After a few seconds, his eyes fell on her lips. She didn’t love him. Just wanted to kill him. So long as he kept her at a distance, there was no way she would be able to take him by surprise. He didn’t love her. Rhoslyn’s devotion to him, whether feigned or not, was useful. Still. If they didn’t love each other…Didn’t develop feelings for one another…Then, there was surely no harm in enjoying intimacy without attachment.

Maui lifted a hand to her cheek, pulled her forward, and kissed her.