The World as a Stage

   "Teo! Teo! Answer a few questions before you go on stage tonight?" a young vlogger shoved her phone in Teodoro’s face. A swarm of paparazzi and fans attacked as we walked from the car to the backstage entrance of the night’s venue. Some were snapping photos in a frenzy of flashes, others were fussing with voice recorders, and the rest steadied the aim of their phones. The group herded around Teo, eliminating his personal space. Teo didn’t seem to care how intruding or obnoxious our enthusiasts had become; he looked intoxicated by the attention every time.

    Matt, Darius, and I trailed behind the scene like specters despite being the instrumental force of the band. Teo was vocals, the handsome and youthful frontman catching everyone’s eye, and the star of the show everywhere. Matt got credit where it was due for his deft guitar playing, but Darius and I usually hovered in the background, leveling the band out with bass and drums, respectively.

    Empty Bombshells was formed six years ago, before my integration. Their original drummer, Vic DeLoria, was the real talent but he recently opted for a quiet life with his new wife. After a grueling audition, I was chosen to join the long-time friends. I honestly had no hope I’d be the one to fill the vacancy. I had watched the other candidates perform and realized I probably hadn’t grown beyond garage band material. But Teo said I had the sound they were looking for. Empty Bombshells was post-hardcore, raw, loud and something-or-other creatives. All the words Teo used to describe the band were familiar enough to me. I just wanted to be in the music, not worry about labels, so I nodded along with everything he said.

    The band was discovered at the most popular club in town, The Cat Trap. “Big Ed” of Litmus Recordings had been driving through, deferred by a flat tire, and happened to pop in while his driver waited for AAA. It was a stroke of luck for Empty Bombshells. Coincidentally, I attended that same show, and none of my challengers did, which gave me something to talk about in my interview.

    Four months into Empty Bombshells' first US tour, and I was surprisingly well-received by their fans. Vic had recorded the album with the band, so every question aimed at me was in reference to this. And every time the questions were asked, Teo answered for me or with me. I wasn’t much for being in the spotlight, so his intrusions felt more like a rescue than an interruption. Teo jumped in to participate in each query thrown at us unless there was something specific he really didn’t know. He never passed on an opportunity to display his showmanship talents.

    “How can one person enjoy so much focus and attention?” I mumbled, mostly to myself, as the reporters buzzed and fluttered around a beaming Teo. Darius heard me and laughed.

    “Teo always acts starved for attention,” Darius replied as he clamped a hand on my shoulder. Darius and I had bonded during the tour with our shared anonymity; although I knew he wanted in on some of that fame.

    “Let him have his fun,” Matt chimed in. “This is what he’s dreamed about, you know?”

    “I know,” my head bobbed, recalling the story of how the band had come together; a story I was told numerous times. Making it big was their goal, and they had dedicated every bit of themselves to that. I, on the other hand, had played drums as a pastime, and been working as a restaurant server who was desperately trying to make enough to move out of her ex-boyfriend’s apartment. I certainly managed that once I was officially signed on with Empty Bombshells. As I packed, my ex made sure to remind me of how I was going to fail at this too and end up back at his doorstep.

    “Of course we love TJ!” I heard Teo declare emphatically. A moment later he was beside me, an arm around my waist. “Vic was great, you can hear him on the album, there’s no denying it, and no hard feelings,” Teo grinned. “But TJ is great too. She loves the music. She understands the sound we’re going for and totally nails it. Don’t you, babe?”

    My head jerked back with the word babe and I thought about remarking on it. Instead, I stared at Teo, frozen.

    “Don’t you, babe?” Teo repeated in a low voice through the corner of his mouth, giving me a squeeze. I was lost, but I opted to nod and feigned a smile. “Yeah, she’s a great addition,” he regained his focus on his attentive admirers. “Not just to the band, but to me too.”

    “So, the rumors are true?” whined a pink-haired, phone-wielding groupie.

    “You’re really off the market?” a young man sounded disappointed.

    “What TJ and I have is still fresh. We’re figuring out what we want, how we want to do this, and all that. But, yeah, Teodoro Almeida is no longer looking for an amorous partner,” he pulled me closer and I stiffened. I couldn’t believe what just came out of Teo’s mouth. My eyes drifted over to Matt and Darius. They looked just as blindsided as I felt.

    “Everyone looks… surprised, Teo…” someone began.

    “Well, yeah, of course,” Teo suddenly appeared nervous after he glimpsed Matt and Darius. “TJ and I weren’t going to say anything just yet, but you guys are smart!” Teo pointed a finger at the assemblage around us. “There’s no fooling our fans. You guys clearly saw the chemistry.” He strained to laugh.

    “Is that why TJ McClean was hired? Because there was romantic interest?” a reporter narrowed her eye at me. My eyes widened.

    “TJ is talented, that’s why she got the job,” Darius stepped in, his face overly serious with my defense. “She was the best out of the eight candidates that played for us. Teo wasn’t lying when he said TJ understands our sound.”

    “So, when did this romantic interest begin, Teo?” asked the same reporter.

    “What do you see in TJ?” the pink-haired girl’s face scrunched. She didn’t seem to approve of Teo’s interest in me. A flurry of other questions erupted from the flock. My stomach twisted and my heart pounded.

    “Besides being a talented drummer, TJ is an awesome person,” Teo tilted his head, his cool atmosphere returned. “She’s become the yin to my yang, you know? I’m out here, bursting with energy, and she’s chill, balancing me out with her calm.” Teo looked at me and raised his brow. “Right, babe? I mean, you couldn’t say it any better yourself, could you?”

    My mouth opened but I remained dumbstruck. Teo should have let me in on this publicity stunt so I could effectively play along. I wasn’t good at thinking on the fly. The only thing that came naturally was music. Every other aspect of life was a challenge. I wasn’t sure what Teo expected of me, but I could see in his face I was blowing our “big reveal.” I panicked and did the first thing that popped into my head. I reached and pulled Teo in for a kiss.

    My public display of affection surprised everyone, even Teo, but he recovered in an instant. Teo placed his hands at the back of my head and returned my kiss, only deeper. I kept my eyes closed with all the photo flashes and worked his mouth, enjoying the strength of his tongue. There were voices rising around us, shouting over one another. When our lips finally parted, we stared at each other. Teo smiled and whispered breathlessly, “Wow.” I questioned whether or not he had actually considered me desirable before announcing our pairing up.

    “We really need to start getting ready for the show,” Matt stepped in front of us as he addressed the frenzied crowd. I blinked out of the trance when Darius put a hand on my shoulder. Matt had hands on Teo, and we were pushed toward the backstage doors. “We’ll talk more after the show!” Matt called out. Teo was unusually silent, his glittering eyes fixated on me. The security guards closed the doors after us, locking out the chaos we left behind. We pushed onward to a small private room.

    “What in the hell was that?” Matt looked between Teo and me. Teo was subdued and starry-eyed. I shook my head.

   “Someone care to explain?” echoed Darius. His face twitched undecided on what feelings to portray.

    “Don’t look at me,” I said, palms up. “I just played my part with improv. We aren’t,” I looked at Teo, expecting him to jump in and explain.

    “This isn’t why we hired her, is it?” Matt gave Teo a sidelong look. Our vocalist was still floating in another world. “Teo!” Matt waved his hands at him. Teo snapped back into himself.

    “No! But now, well, I mean, that kiss! We all thought a girl would be beneficial for image, but,” he laughed at Matt. “But Jeanette was talking about how we needed to boost our media coverage, said we should think about announcing something new.”

    “I don’t think that was what she meant, Teo,” Matt rubbed his face.

    “Wait, you only wanted me playing drums for your image?” My voice pitched. My chest tightened. Getting this gig was too good to be true, and I had known it all along. “Listen, I know I’m not as good as Vic, but…” I suddenly couldn’t breathe. I was silenced by the knowledge it hadn’t mattered how well I played. I was the only female applicant and hired for appearances. I took a sharp breath in and it stuck in my throat.

   “Tara, no,” Teo squeezed my shoulders. “You’re every bit as good as Vic, it’s just,” he glanced at Matt and Darius and lowered his hands. “Well, I couldn’t exactly kiss one of them, now could I?” Teo gestured between Matt and Darius with a forced laugh. I stepped back and hid my face in my hands. My ex was right, here I was failing again.

    “What the hell, Teo?” Darius sighed and threw his hands up. “Why lie or kiss anyone at all?”

    The harder I tried to hold in my tears, the more my body hurt. I gave in, fearing I would asphyxiate if I didn’t release my churning emotions.

    “Damn it, Teo,” Matt groaned at the sight of me crying. He pinched the bridge of his nose. “We have a show in thirty minutes and we haven’t even warmed up!”

    “I’m sorry,” I sniffled, though after I said it I realized Teo had owed the apology. I uncovered my face and smeared my eyeliner as I wiped my tears.

    Teo cussed under his breath and then cupped my wet cheeks. “I’m sorry,” he said to me. “This isn’t what I thought would happen.”

    I swallowed and avoided Teo’s eyes. I was embarrassed I cried.

    “Can we just play the show tonight?” Matt asked gruffly. I nodded with my face still in Teo’s hands.

    “Can we have a minute alone, guys?” Teo looked over his shoulders.

    “Fine. Fix this,” Matt grumbled. Darius shook his head silently and they exited the room.

    As soon as the door shut, Teo pressed me against the wall and kissed me. I pushed him back, “What are you doing?” He adjusted his hold and leaned in once more. “What is wrong with you?” I shoved him.

    “I think I’m in love,” he was gazing at me, infatuation in his expression.

    I laughed and put my hands through my short hair. “There are no cameras here, Teo, no need to put on a show.”

    “I’m serious.”

    “Stop. Just stop,” I put my palms up. My mouth hung open as I searched for the words I wanted.

    “It was for image, a little,” Teo said sheepishly. “We agreed that it might be cool to have a lady-drummer. You don’t really see women taken seriously in that role,” he shrugged. I blinked at him. “You’re good, Tara, but we liked one of the other drummers better.” I crossed my arms, trying to contain the sting of his admittance. “It was your interview that sold me, us. When you talked about being at the show that landed us here… You were genuinely happy for us. Like, it didn’t even matter whether or not we would take you on. You really meant everything you said to us. You’re authentic. You’re passionate about the music, not the scene. That’s what stood out to the three of us. That’s what we ultimately based our decision on.”

    “So?” I shrugged, trying not to appreciate his sincerity and clarification.

    “Please don’t leave the band,” he frowned. “Don’t leave… me.”

    “You?” my head pushed forward.

    “That kiss,” he breathed.

    “I was just trying to play along, Teo.”

    “I don’t think you were.”

    “What else was I supposed to do when you announced to the world, without actually ever asking me out I might add, that we were an item?”

    “You didn’t have to kiss me.”

    “Well, either way, my career is ruined, so I hope you got what you needed. I’ll forever be the girl who slept with the boss to get the job.”

    Teo sighed. “Do you know how exhausting it is to keep this band going; to put every ounce of myself on stage so the audiences keep coming back? How draining it is keeping up with all these fans, reporters, bloggers, and social media influencers?”

    “I thought you enjoyed all that? You look so comfortable out there in front of everyone.”

    Teo laughed. “I put on a good show for everyone, don’t I? At the end of the day, I feel… emptied. Matt and Darius never stepped up, so somebody had to get in the spotlight.”

    “Matt and Darius would be happy to take some of the heat off you.”

    “They would?”

    “You never give them the chance. They think you want all the glory.”

    “I definitely don’t… not anymore at least.” He sighed. “I really screwed up, Tara. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting you in that position but…”

    “There’s no ‘but’ in apologies, Teo.”

    “But when you kissed me…”

    “Like I said, what else was I supposed to do?” I rolled my eyes.

    “You meant that kiss.”

    “What?” I scoffed in denial.

    “You kissed me like you meant it. I know you meant it. You’ve seen me, Tara. Me. Not just the lead singer of Empty Bombshells, not the fake smiles in the news feeds, not just the guy ensuring everyone’s dreams come true. Guys and girls throw themselves at me like, like I’m a prize, for bragging rights or whatever. They don’t care about me. Some of them don’t even care about the music. It’s a performance for them too. I don’t want my whole world to be a stage. I understand why Vic left. He wanted an authentic life. Tara, I want that too.”

    “Teo, what are you asking me to do here?”

    “Let me ask you out like I should have. Let’s try this again, the right way. When we first met, I wasn’t thinking of you as some potential hook-up or publicity stunt. You were just someone who loved music the way I do. And I feel different now that I know you, after that kiss.”

    “Thanks? So, now I’m someone you would hook up with?” He came in closer, hesitantly. I watched his hands tremble as they reached for my cheeks.

    “I didn’t think anyone could feel something real for me… But then, when you kissed me… Something went off inside and…Tara, tell me you feel something too,” his thumbs glided along my skin, anxious.

    “What happens when it doesn’t work out?” I pulled his hands down. “What happens when I get blamed for ruining everyone’s dreams?”

    “What if it works out? What happens when we’re a success and…” He held my hands in his. “What if we’re good together?”

    “I don’t know how to think positive,” I shook my head. “This gig is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I clearly didn’t deserve it…”

    “You earned it, Tara,” Teo said firmly. “I’m telling you, you are amazing. You deserve this and I will knock down any talk that contradicts that. I will walk beside you and I will support you in this.”

    “I don’t know what it’s like to have someone do that for me,” I whispered, eyes watering. His hands were caressing the sides of my face again.

    “Give me a chance to show you what that’s like. Please.”

    I stared into his tender eyes searching for a lie, trying to see a future where I’ve disappointed him, where we’re left heartbroken. I found myself nodding in answer and then matching his joyful smile. He kissed me and this time I accepted it, pulled him closer. I knew I meant that first kiss as much as this one.

    “So, you’re really doing this?” Matt’s voice cut across the room to us. I startled but Teo smiled, bashfully.

    “We’re doing this?” Teo asked me quietly, looking vulnerable. I bit my lip and nodded.

    “We’re doing this,” I answered loud enough for Matt to hear. Teo kissed me again.

    “Well, we’re on in twenty. Take a break from sucking face and remember what we came here to do,” Matt sighed.

    “We came here to rock!” Teo beamed with his stage persona and threw a fist in the air. I laughed and pushed past him. I had seen the real Teo, knew the difference.

    “Is my kit set up?” I asked Matt.

    “Just the way you like it, TJ,” he gave me a half-smile. “You’re sure?” he asked as I joined him at the doorway.

    “About Teo?” I replied, watching Teo bounce in his step as he followed behind. It made me smile. “Yeah.”