Wedding Shoes

I knew I should never have bought these shoes. My feet are throbbing as I limp over to the patch of grass across from the wedding tent adorned with fairy lights, throwing myself down and ripping off my shoes to feel some relief. Granted, it was a beautiful day for a wedding despite everything else. The sun was beating down upon happy faces and shining off the sparkly new ring adorning my sister’s left hand as she glides through the mass of her guests.

If only I could get out of my head and join in with the fun. I am happy for her, don’t get me wrong. And Lance is great it’s just… a lot to live up to.

Ben and I had broken up three weeks ago, which was the worst timing possible seeing as he knows how my mother can be. I can’t blame him though, I wouldn’t have wanted to be with me either and I think we had both known it wasn’t right for quite some time. I wasn’t upset by it, I didn’t even miss him. I just selfishly wish he’d hung on until tomorrow so I wouldn’t have to deal with this day by myself. Only having the company of my relatives who do nothing but offer me pitiful glances and empty words of encouragement isn’t ideal. No one understands that I didn’t want to be with him either, they just assume I am unlucky in love. Never able to pin a man down for longer than six months, unlike my sister who has been with Lance since her first year of University six years ago.

My feet feel a lot better as I breathe deep and close my eyes, inhaling the light scent of the nearby honeysuckle in the air. The slight summer breeze ruffles my hair, getting the dark strands stuck in my eyelashes and lip gloss. It feels good, it feels like I can breathe.

“Well don’t you look a sight!” a lilting voice says from my right.

Frantically scraping the hair out of my face to try and look presentable, I look up to see one of the most devastatingly beautiful women I have ever seen. I had noticed her at the ceremony earlier in the day, she was wearing a yellow dress adorned with small, embroidered blue flowers which tapered into her waist, flowing out and down to her knees. Her golden hair caught the rays of sunlight in a way that made it look like she glowed.

Looking up at her blinded me and I had to shield my eyes. She was radiant, as if the sun was drawn to her and here I sit, splayed in the damp grass like a lunatic.

“Sorry, don’t mind me!” I quickly get up, too fast as I had forgotten how much my feet hurt.

“Ow! Ow! Ow!” I exclaim, the mystery woman grabbing a hold of my arm as I begin to topple over.

Chuckling lightly, she helps me regain my balance. “Those shoes causing you some issues?” her hazel eyes crinkle as she laughs, seeming to light up with the action.

“You could say that again, they aren’t much good for dancing anyway. I think I’ll just have to sit and watch everyone from here.” I attempt a laugh to try and brush it off, at least I can avoid everyone’s looks from out here.

“Well, dancing isn’t the only thing people get up to at weddings. Mind if I join you?” She raises an eyebrow at me as I nod and she sits gracefully down beside the imprint I had made moments earlier. “Don’t leave me hanging here, come and join me!” she laughs again at me as she pats the grass, what an idiot she must think I am. First she finds me sat by myself in the grass and now I am gawking at her as she is clearly attempting to not make me feel like a freak.

“I recognise you, are you Kasey’s sister?” She asks as I sit down next to her, trying my best to mimic her graceful descent, tucking the midnight blue fabric of my dress under my legs.

“Yeah I’m Sammy, but I’m sorry I don’t think I recognise you. Are you from the Groom’s side?” I ask her, watching her fully settle into the grass as if it were the most comfortable thing in the world.

“Long story really, he is actually my ex-boyfriend!” she chuckles again as she sees my confused expression. “I know, it sounds like I shouldn’t really be here but we have been friends since we were twelve and we only dated for maybe a month. Besides, it was never going to work out, I realised I was gay about the same time he realised I was too. I think I gawked at Megan Fox in that car movie more than he did, that gave him a pretty big clue.” She looked across at me as she hugged one of her knees up to her chin, propping her head up on it as she cocked it to the side and looked intently at me. It was as if she were trying to gauge my reaction, and I felt exposed.

“You seem to be in your own world out here all alone. I know we just met but I am quite observant and a good listener, if something is upsetting you please feel free to share.” She offered me a comforting smile, one corner of her mouth lifting up in a shrug.

Looking over again at a group of people milling about outside the tent, I see my mother is among them and giving me another concerned look as she observes me sat on the ground. The woman now beside me follows my gaze, and spots my mother watching us.

“Ah! I think I can hazard a guess that you are avoiding your family? I recognise your mum from the speeches.”

“You are observant.” I state as I look down and fiddle with the loose bit of thread at my hem avoiding my mother’s eyes again as I hope she has gone back inside.

Taking a deep breathe, I continue to explain myself to this beautiful stranger, avoiding her gaze as well ,“They all thought I would be married with babies by now, I am older than Kasey by four years so my mother thinks I’m behind which she loves to remind me of. Now that Kasey is married, and I’m single again, I will no doubt become her new project.

They thought that Ben was the one, I had been with him for six months but we had known each other for a while. He dumped me a couple weeks back so they are all feeling sorry for me.” I bring my knees up to my chin, inadvertently mimicking her in the process.

“They think I’m a lost cause.” I attempt a smile, realising I have shared a lot with this woman I don’t even know the name of, probably too much.

“Did you think he was the one?” She gives me a curious look, her eyes not showing the pity I expected but instead providing warmth.

“No.” I admit, shaking my head.

“I never did, I just felt so much pressure that he should be. I saw my friends get married and then my sister got engaged. I just felt like it was what I was supposed to do. Work has always been my priority and I love what I do, but…” I trail off a bit before deciding to just let it out “I don’t know, if I’m being honest I think I am terrified of being alone and left behind so tried to fool myself with these men over the years and hoped that at some point it would make sense but it never did.” As I stare ahead, the truth of it sinks in and I feel bare.

“I understand that feeling of not wanting to be alone, but you shouldn’t have to make do and hope one day it gets better, you deserve a whirlwind not a breeze. I used to feel the same as you do but then I realised that I know what I want and don’t want to settle for less. That’s why I’m single.” She laughed quietly to herself as if there were a deeper story there, one that I want to hear. “Plus, if everyone had the same timeline, wouldn’t life be dull?” She releases her knee and gives me a playful punch to my leg as I smile back at her. As she settles back into the grass she looks back at the group, she must be wanting to get back and I suddenly feel guilty for keeping her away.

As if she could tell what I’m thinking from the look on my face, she says “I am quite happy here on the grass with you.” Giving me another playful tap on my knee, she takes the thread from between my fingers. I hadn’t even realised I was still fiddling with it.

“Besides, if I weren’t here to stop you destroying your dress you would end up unraveling the whole thing.” Her eyebrow quirks.

“But then again, I wouldn’t mind that.” She looks me straight in the eyes again with a mischievous look as I blush, making her chuckle as she relaxes back into the grass. She seems to be pleased with her comment as she props herself on her elbows with a subtle smile on her face, watching the guests going by.

Was she flirting with me?

I had always been attracted to women as well as men, women are just a hell of a lot more intimidating.

Looking at her now, I know she is the type of woman I would never be brave enough to approach. She is absolutely breath-taking, from the way her dress fits her frame to the freckles scattered across her cheekbones, but it is her confidence that is enchanting. The way you can tell that she knows who she is makes me want to know her too.

“Do you know that you are beautiful?” I ask her, not knowing where the question came from and feeling my heart beat slightly faster in anticipation of her reaction to it.

“I could ask you the same thing.” She states as she rolls onto her side and looks up at me. “Lay down with me.” she gently commands and as I comply she settles her cheek onto her hand. The cold of the grass the only reminder of where I am as I sink into her gaze.

It feels like we lay there for hours, just looking at each other, and it is peaceful. Our breath seems to synchronise and my mind clears as her words sink in, she thinks I am beautiful? Maybe I should be brave and ask her to meet me for coffee or something, or is she just being polite and trying to make me feel better about myself?

Knocking me out of my spiralling thoughts, she lets out a light cough and sits up again, and as I follow suit I notice she is now looking hesitant, the first sign that she isn’t all confidence.

“Hey, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out again? I don’t know if you swing that way and I know we just met bu-”

“Yes, I would absolutely love to!” I interrupt, too excited at the prospect of seeing her again to try to keep my composure.

She beams at my answer and a warmth swells in my chest and I wonder if it is normal to feel this happy at the prospect of seeing someone I barely know again.

“IT’S TIME FOR THE FIRST DANCE EVERYONE!”

The sudden, harsh sounding announcement coming from the microphone jolts us both, reminding us where we are.

“I think my sister will kill me if I am not in there for this” I hoist myself up, smoothing out my dress and picking off the grass now stuck to my legs.

“Yes, I wouldn’t want you to miss it. Go ahead, I will see you in there.” She smiles at me as she gets up and readjusts her own gown. “I won’t be long, I just need to do something.” I nod to her with a small smile, feeling bashful again as the weight of my sudden feelings for her sinks in.

Turning, I hobble back into the tent, sharply reminded of how obliterated my feet are. I vow to myself that I am never wearing heels ever again.

***

Their dance was lovely, I knew it would be as they had practiced it for months. I feel that warmth again filling my chest as I see the look on my sister’s face as she gazes up at Lance, her arms resting on his shoulders as they sway together. Now that the dancing has resumed around them, I notice that they seem to be in their own world, just the two of them lost in each other’s eyes. It dawns on me that I think I may have felt bitter about that an hour ago.

As I contemplate the reasoning behind my sudden shift in attitude, grateful for the change, I look around the tent. Looking between each manicured guest as I search for her. She is nowhere to be seen and I walk back out into the now cold early evening, again no sign of her.

What an idiot. She probably was just waiting for an excuse to get away, she must have realised what a mess I am. I overshared, I was too keen.

Running a hand through my now completely disheveled hair, I feel deflated. How stupid, why do I feel so disappointed about this? I don’t even know her name, it can’t have been that big of a deal.

So why do I feel so bleak.

As I walk back inside, I try to plaster another fake smile on my face, not wanting anyone to notice the heartbreak presenting itself across my face that they will no doubt assume is because of Ben. I fiddle again with the loose thread and watch the guests dance, wandering what time is appropriate to leave so that I can go rot in bed with a pizza.

A tap on my shoulder snaps me out of my daze and as I turn I crash into now familiar hazel eyes and the warmth she provides washes over me.

She smiles at me, reaching her hand out to show she is holding a bright pink pair of fluffy slippers.

“All I could think about was how much I wanted to dance with you, I hope these will help to convince you to come join me?”

“Where on earth did you get those from?” I ask in wonder, staring at her.

“I got a taxi home, I only live 5 minutes away from here. I bought these last week and figured you need them more than I do.” She drops them onto the floor in front of me as I rush to take off my heels, flinging them to the side of the tent, holding onto her shoulder for balance. The relief of the slippers is incredible and she laughs lightly at me.

“I was worried I had scared you off and I didn’t even know how to get back in touch with you, I still don’t know your name.” I hesitantly ask, looking at her through my hair that had fallen into my eyes again.

“Don’t be daft!” She mocks as she tucks the hair behind my ear. “I decided it is now my mission to make you enjoy this wedding and I knew those damn shoes were getting in my way. My name is Leah by the way.” She says and I can’t help but smile, feeling like I have now met her properly.

She is no longer a stranger to me.

Holding out her hand, she asks “Well, will you please come and dance with me now?” and as I take her hand and follow her to the dance floor, I feel glad that I wore those damn shoes.