Home for the Holidays

Crystals fall around me, landing on the heads and eyelashes of children running to go see the latest toy in the window. The smell of pine and chocolate in the air. Parents drag screaming children away from the jolly fat man while teenagers drag their parents towards the apple store. I long for a time when I too would be climbing my way over other kids to see the new Barbie dream house or beg my parents for a new phone claiming that “Anne got one so I should!”. Anne. I should give her a call. She moved away after high school to what most would call a dream life in LA. Premieres, celebrities, and all the lavish parties one could hope for. I really- “Ow, watch yourself asshat.”A man said as I bumped into him.

“I am so sorry sir I wasn’t watching where I was-” He was gone before I could finish. I watched as pushed his way to the front of the line at the bar in front of me. Some people are ridiculous. I walked the festive streets for a little while longer, about to call it a day when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I got the same feeling right before my parents…

I was at a fast pace now, looking everywhere I could, not 100% sure what I was looking for. I am panicking now, searching for what I am hoping is not true. Calm down Linnaea, it’s the holidays, people get rowdy. I took a second to breathe and started heading back to my car, I looked everywhere in that area and there was nothing going on. I buckled my seatbelt and drove away, ignoring the nauseous feeling like I was missing something.

I pulled into my driveway, blasting the newest trending christmas song on the radio. My roommate's car was not in the driveway which meant she was at her girlfriend's apartment so I have the house to myself for the night. I was not opposed to this, I would blast music and dance around the kitchen while making an unhealthy dinner without my health nut of a roommate judging me. I entered the house, lit up by the Christmas decorations we put up the day before. It was cozy, welcoming. Walking to the kitchen I kept the lights off, it was comforting in a way. When I was little I would just wander around the house with just twinkle lights on, pretending I was in a mystical world unlike the one I know but, after my parents died the house started to feel just that. Most kids would be scared of the dark after that because the dark hides the scary things, but it can also hide me. 

I open the freezer and grab my hidden stash of pizza rolls and fries. I also grabbed some broccoli, because even though she wasn’t there I could hear my roommate say that I should at least have something green on my plate. I put on my christmas music and started to dance around when the hairs on the back of my neck raised again. This time it felt like someone was watching me, no not someone, multiple people. Staring at me, studying me. It was at that point I turned on the light, I had to check everywhere, every window, door, closet. I grabbed a baseball bat and went searching. 

Nothing. I searched high and low, looked out every window and there was nothing. Linnaea you need to calm down, there is nothing going on, you are just alone and freaked out. The oven dinged telling me my pizza rolls and fries were done. I grabbed them and sat down to watch a bad christmas movie (they were really the best things on christmas). The rolls and fries tasted like cardboard and the broccoli was watery so I grabbed some fresh baked christmas cookies to wash them down. Once the movie finished I decided to get cozy. I changed into my pjs and cuddled up with a blanket on the couch. I just sat in silence looking at the decorations, mostly the tree. I remember how my dad would pick me up to put the angel on the tree while mom would yell at him to be careful. I studied the tree more. As I studied it I noticed how similar it looked to mine when I was a kid. Actually it looked identical. From the ornaments to the tinsel. I must have been imagining because there was no way. I stood up after struggling to get my arms free from the cocoon I put myself in and went closer. I rubbed my eyes and it changed. It was back to the tree my roommate and I put up. It must be time to go to sleep. I washed the dishes in the sink and started to climb the stairs when that feeling happened again. It didn’t feel like someone watching me, it was that feeling you get when you know something bad is about to happen. As I took step after step I realized this time my feeling was not wrong. The first thing I saw was blood, leading to the top of the stairs. I mustered all my courage and got up to the top of the stairs but I was outside. I was on a forest floor covered white fluffy snow except for the spots of red leading ahead of me. I followed it. One foot in front of the other, terrified for what I might find. Then I saw it, a crashed car. A couple. One on the driver side and one who fell out on the impact. Dead. I went closer, I don’t know why I did but I felt I had to. I saw their faces. They were my parents. I cried out in shock right before I eventually passed out. 

I woke up in the hospital room I have been in for the past 4 months. The blankets cocooning me in my bed, a movie starring Anne Hathaway on the tv, the nurses who were watching me running to my side, hundreds of cards hoping I would wake up and a Christmas tree.