From, the Boogie Man

To all the Kids whose beds I apparently live beneath :)

Hey, kiddo. I'm gonna start this off by telling you a big secret:

I'm not a bloodthirsty monster ready to eat your little toes.

Can you guess what I am, though? That's right, the Boogie Man. The one and only. So, I think I have some explaining to do, or better yet, some story telling. Maybe if you take a peek into my past, you'll kind of understand why I'm beneath your bed (apparently).

It all started Sunday morning, me and my pops were going to church, praying to the good Lord- NOT.

It just so happened that it was a Friday, and I was spending my time burning in the pits of Hell.

So, I was sitting there, screaming my head off and Satan was all like, "My man, do you have to have such an ugly scream? I think you're starting to kill the sadist in me."

And I was all like, "I'm pretty sure that's the point, dude. It's not like I, AHHHH, like being burned for eternity. AHHHH." And as I waited for a reply, more screaming ensued.

Now let me say something real quick, Satan's, like, super funny. So he said, "How about I let you go, on one condition." Yeah, real funny, huh? I didn't even comment on this top tier joke as my flesh melted off.

I just looked up at the nonexistent sky and waited for him to stop teasing my sorry butt. Like, I didn't even remember what I did while I was living that was burn-for-eternity deserving. What's the point of torturing some guy who's basically innocent? I wanted to be FREE like fish in the ocean! Except that thing done evaporated down there and all the fish're some flesh eating monsters that bite your freaking di--- ignore that last one. As you can see, I didn't even know what I wanted then. But Satan just face-palmed and looked at me all serious.

"Broski, hear me out, just shut up for a half a second." He groaned, shooing the flames off of me with his long-nailed hand, which were honestly on fleek asf. Who'da thunk the Devil himself had time to fix his nails up all pretty? Anyway.

"What do you want?" I asked, taking the time to lay on the momentarily cold hard ground (Cue I knew you were trouble, Taylor Swift). "Like, dude, the fire made me so hot, didn't it?" I added sarcastically.

"Not at all." Satan told me, rubbing his temples. Like he was the one with a headache from burning for the past century. But then he took out a piece of paper and handed it to me. I grabbed it in my melted hand, but he caught site of it and yanked it away. "Jesus Christ, your hands are freaking disgusting. Let me read it to you." He said spitefully. And whose fault was that? I sighed, opening my ears. "Okay, um... We need a new boogie man. The other guy just bailed a couple days ago, and kids are starting to be able to go to sleep again... Can't be having that" He paused, for like, ten seconds. Who has that much difficulty reading? "Uh... Full time job, and unless you bail, a ticket out of Hell forever.... basically, yeah."

I sat up at that. For real, he wasn't kidding me? "Satan, you better not be kidding right now, or I'mma scream real ugly when you light me up again." But he rolled his eyes and set the paper a few inches in front of me. I looked at it. Wow. It said he had to pick somebody to be the new Boogie Man.

"Yeah, so are you gonna do it? Just go up there, be scary or something, and jump from house to house every couple days. Scare as many of them rascals as possible. No license needed or nothing..." He trailed off.

"Bet your teensy behind I'm gonna do this!" I exclaimed, standing up on my literally scorched and emaciated legs. Satan sighed in relief.

"Thank the lord." He said. "And my butt isn't teensy, what the heck?"

I ignored that. "Dude did you just say thank the lord, because last time I checked, you're supposed to---"

"Shut up."

"No, no, you can bet your teensy butt you're supposed to be hating on that guy like no other-"

"What did I just say?" Satan was all fuming like I was causing a problem. Ha ha.

"'Shut up'?" I inquired. He shot me an angry look.

"I said my butt ain't teensy. Look, look, you can check!" He screamed.

"Ew, I'd rather not, man." I cringed. "I think you just scared me enough to be the Boogie Man yourself."

"Ugh, Shut up." He repeated, snatching the paper up and crumpling it. "So, you gonna do the job or not?"

"You can bet your thicc self I am."

"What the heck?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" I asked innocently.

"God, I'm so glad you're leaving." He groaned.

"There you go with the good ol' lord---"

"BE QUIET."

xxx

And that's how I became the Boogie Man. I took the job and went up to Earth, good old 21 century. It was hard to scare kids at first, but all I had to do was scratch some stuff, do a little moaning, open my mouth and touch them, kinda like another job I'd rather not mention for reasons. ;)

So, here I am, and only here, to freak you out. Nothing more, nothing less. And just so you know, my home is nonexistent, your bed is the equivalent to a seven-hour motel room.

Anyway. I'm not a murderer, I think. (Who knows what I was when I was alive?) I don't want to kill you, eat you, or do whatever you thought I wanna do. I just wanna stop being tortured in Hell for eternity. So, for the rest of time itself, I'm gonna be the completely harmless "Monster" under you while you sleep.

Wait, are you wondering about that thing in your closet, too? Oh he's something else entirely.

I can't say he's not out to, how should I put it...

Get You.

:)

From,

The Boogie Man