OH BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU?

O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU?

Precious Catherine:

I have so many things to say to you, Catherine. That’s why I decided to set my laptop and phone aside and put the words that follow into the form of an old- fashioned handwritten letter. Handwritten! Who does that anymore? Why? Because it seemed a more honest  and more personal way to say what I have been meaning to say to you  for a while now. Ever since that night after our movie date I when I got that phone call and got up and left. And didn’t come back. Remember you asked me ‘did someone die, Ethan? Where are you going?’

That was inexcusable. No one died but in a sense someone did die that night. But if I had called you to share the news with you, you would have hung up on me. And, Catherine, I do understand.   So, maybe this letter is really a confession, an apology, a mea cuppa. I know whatever you call it this is making me  feel  ashamed, as though I am confessing a crime or at least a deep dark secret.  But, that’s not it at all. Well, not exactly. Catherine,  I hope that isn’t what you will think of me, not when you finish reading this letter. Reading it to the very end. Please, do me that kindness, read this letter to the end. It has what I call a happy ending, even if it is sad at the same time.

In fact, I know reading this letter and thinking it through will bring us closer together, closer than ever. Promise me you will read it to the very end, Catherine! Remember, no one died.

How do I begin? You want to know why I never came back. You called and wrote.  After that phone call that made me run.  It was cowardly, I admit.  I didn’t go home and I wasn’t dating another woman. I got on a plane to Montreal. You always said you liked intrigue. Well, here’s a big dose of it. You might not like it so much in real life as in books and movies.  

I can hear your voice in my head saying ‘That’s crazy? Why Montreal? You don’t know anyone there. You’re kidding, Ethan.  You just wanted to get away from me. And I was foolish to think one day we might get engaged.’

But no,   I’m not crazy and I do know someone there, in Montreal.  I do know a family there.. And I can hear you wanting to rip this letter up and call me a liar.  But please don’t because you won’t have a copy of it to read when you calm down enough to hear the whole story.  And it concerns you very much.

No, to repeat,  I did not break up with because of  another woman; I know that is what you must think.   But why would I go halfway around the world if I just wanted to break up- with you for good? Think about it.

Yes, we broke up how many times—and it was always my fault—because frankly, I felt with all my heart somehow inside that we were meant to be together (sometimes it almost seemed like we had an eerie  soul connection) and at the same time, that it—the relationship you and I had would never work, even that it should never be. I know that sounds goofy, right ? But  remember you always told me to trust my feelings.

Here’s the thing.  Remember you told me there were two things you always wanted. Well, when you get to the end of this letter you will realize that I am not leaving you high and dry.  Actually, you are getting the one thing you told me you wanted since you were a little kid…  even though you are missing out on the other thing you were hoping for with us.  

Catherine, You aren’t getting  a life partner, but you are  getting  the brother you always wanted. I can hear you saying,’ What? that’s crazy.’ But’ it isn’t crazy.  My name is not Ethan. It is realy Vic and I can never be your lover because—well, for the best reasons there are  in the world!

Remember years ago when your father left your mother and moved away, far away. So far away your mother lost touch with him, which is –in his selfishness --what he wanted.  Well, he did not keep in touch, and I know how very painful it was for your mother.  And for you. oAlthough he did not call or write and your mother went on with her own life there in Boston. She just washed her hands of him and I guess you did, too. It is traumatic to be abandoned.  Which is what it must have seemed like for your mom, and for you, Catherine.  But here’s what you didn’t know, that he kept from you. He actually  went back to his first wife. And his son. in Montréal. Yes, it was  tragic and criminal and cowardly of him. And  he may be paying for this crime of two families very soon.

Wha does this have to do with you and me? Everything. Here’s the truth of why we are breaking up but staying together, as crazy as that sounds. We have different mothers, but my father was your father. I am his  son and I am your brother, Catherine! I am sorry you could not be hearing this from the man who kept this from us.  Instead you are hearing it from the brother you always wanted and always had. So please accept this this is as happy news, Catherine!

Catherine, it will always be you and me. Look at it this way, Catherine, it is not about loss.   It has come full circle. We will always love each other, because we are brother and sister. Wherever you go, Boston, Montreal, Outer Mongolia. Wherever  we go.

I’m happy you have read this far, Catherine, because I wanted to tell you I am  sending you something you always wanted …a ring. No, it isn’t  the engagement ring you might have been expecting. It’s  a friendship ring, that commemorates  a brother finding his sister again !

Love Vic (aka Ethan)