The Assistant's Cut

Raya awoke to find the sun had still not risen. Her third day in row beating the sun to start the day. She rose out of the bed and shuffled over to open the curtains. Despite the early morning hour, she was overtly aware of the futility in this action. The soft glow of two street lights below spared some light into her room. The street was lonely but off in the distance she saw a young man reach the base of the steep road.

Friday would be two months in the small Irish coast town of Dingle. Raya was working as the personal assistant to a fairly prominent actor. For this story, we’ll call her Evangelina. Raya had been in her job almost 3 years all together. The two of them were now stationed in Ireland, on Evangelina’s latest project.

She glanced to her navy blue NYU hat resting at the edge of the foot bench. She graduated in 2022. COVID caused a few problems but overall she loved her time there. She became intoxicated by the consistency of the city, always moving. From a boring suburban town in Delaware, the contrast felt like everything she was missing.

However, after graduating, she found the availability for work slim to none. A global pandemic and two labor strikes can do that to an industry. She was relieved that the ‘Personal Assistant Wanted’ post she came across on Reddit wasn’t a scam. And then ecstatic to find out it was a gig with an individual rooted in the film industry. That’s who Raya was though. Spontaneous to the point of psychotic (without going over) and ravenously optimistic in the joys of life. She thought this was a dream come true, or at least a dream coming true. Raya could see working hard, making connections and being financially stable to launch her own projects.

Instead she only found long hours, meaningless errands and the nagging pain inflicted by daily back handed compliments. Like Chinese water torture, she always thought. But she endured those pessimistic thoughts. Focused solely on her dream.

But waking in the Irish hotel room for almost the 60th consecutive day, enduring filming delay after delay, and the increasing hostility of her “lord”, she only felt despair, and the ache of a third day of constipation.

Her days had fallen into a routine over the last 2 weeks, correlated, no doubt, to the breakup. Her girlfriend had decided they were too far apart and she was missing “major life moments” to quote her own words. Raya had taken the divorce fairly well, she felt. But she’d soon learn that her indifference was simply a precursor of the depression.

At 5 am, Raya would get up to get herself ready for the day. Shower, dress and eat. By 6 am, should would be in her rented hatchback. Navigating the Irish country streets barely sized for one car. Twenty minutes later, she’d arrive at the small bakery to pick up the croissants Evangelina demanded every morning. Raya herself negotiated for the bakery to make a special batch for her first thing in the morning. By 7 am, she had to be knocking on Evangelina’s door to begin her morning routine. And yes, Raya would appreciate you knowing, that did include daily old lady boob sightings. She affectionately referred to them as ‘Bert and Ernie’ as a couple botched surgeries resulted in both being oval shaped, but one horizontal and the other vertical.

A black town car arrived at 9 am daily to take the pair to the film set. The true start of Raya’s work day. One of the few moments she looked forward to in the day, the private car’s driver by Siobhan. She was in her late 20’s, a local of Dingle, with a short crop of tangerine hair. A subtle nod to her Irish heritage but completely falsified. Raya had seen Siobhan with at least three different hair colors during her stay in the Ireland. Raya admired her spontaneity. Reminiscent of herself just after graduating. Before the daily routine and the need to get paid took over in place of the dreams she had of her future.

Siobhan was a consummate professional during the thirty minute drive to the film set overlooking the North Atlantic Ocean. Evangelina spent the rides in complete silence. Her meditative hypnosis mix blocking out any sound and her sunglasses (which Raya knew had closed eyes beneath them) blocking any visuals. Still, she allowed no other external noise. The woman occasional would catch each other’s eyes in the rear view mirror, before quickly glancing back to the countryside or refocusing to the road ahead. But there was undiscussed comfortability between the two despite the lack of verbal communication.

Raya’s role on set consisted of escorting Evangelina through the various locations on the set. First thing was a meeting with the director. She stood outside the trailer. Followed by 2 hours of makeup, ensuring that Evangelina had copies of the script for today’s scenes, with her lines highlighted and tagged. A couple more hours of tedious scene work and then a break for lunch. One of the other moments of her day that she enjoyed. Evangelina took her salad into her private trailer and left Raya for the hour lunch break alone. Overemphasizing the firmness in which she closed the trailer door, Raya thought. But she was not about to start her personal time allowing herself to feel insulted.

She wandered over to the food truck parked at the end of the various trailers that had been set up. She observed Siobhan, leaning on the hood of the all black BMW, looking out over the coastline, sipping a coffee. She was deep in thought, but equally looked immensely peaceful, Raya thought. Something she envied in that moment. She lusted to return to that carefree period of her life.

Raya waited in line for the food truck. Casually glancing over to Siobhan between blank stares into the ether as she waited.

“Raya! Veggie Tacos!” shouted Michael out of the tiny window of the truck.

Raya ventured up to the truck and thanked Michael for the tacos, her usual lunch. She had been in Ireland almost two months, and to date, had two Guinness, fish and chips once, and had yet to experience anything one would consider ‘traditional Ireland’. If anything, she could feel her job souring the entire country for her altogether.

Picnic tables had been set up in the open area next to the catering truck and Raya walked over timidly. Contemplating for a moment whether she needed to dine with other humans or take the remainder of her break in complete silence.

“Hey! Why don’t you eat over here?”

Raya heard the voice from Siobhan’s direction but didn’t immediately recognize it as hers. They had spoken so few words together that she couldn’t pick out Siobhan’s dialect from any other Irishwoman. She stood, frozen for a moment. Staring in Siobhan’s direction without staring directly at her. The war inside her raging. Her depression, exhaustion and self doubt locked in conflict with her desire, optimism and hope. What felt like twenty minutes to Raya was more around twenty seconds in reality. Still she felt awkward for even taking the pause.

“You don’t have to…” Siobhan began before Raya snapped out of her trance.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Raya replied and walked over to the front of the car.

Siobhan patted the hood, reassuring Raya that sitting on the hood of the luxury vehicle, would in fact be, ok. Raya felt unnaturally timid, yet she turned and offered Siobhan one of her tacos.

“No, thank you though. Just coffee until my shift ends. Beside, I take it you need all the energy you can get.”

Raya smiled softly before turning her head and staring blankly at the gravel parking lot laying directly ahead of her. Considering Siobhan’s words seriously.

Siobhan noticed and quickly introduced a new topic to break Raya’s focus.

“You’ve been on town for a while now. Have you gotten to see any of the touristy stuff?”

“No, I haven’t really be able to do much. We’ve been so busy.” Raya shook her head, politely covering her mouth and smiling. She finished her bite. “I had a pint of Guinness last week in the hotel bar.” She stated the last bit as if it was a major Irish vacation achievement.

“You’ve been here for how long and you’ve only had a ‘Guinness last week’,” Siobhan altering her accent to attempt to mimic Raya’s. Although it came out more like a higher pitched John Wayne.

Raya didn’t respond. Just shrugged slightly and stared down to her tacos, fiddling with the second one.

“Why don’t you come out with me tonight? Dick Mack’s Pub has trad music on Tuesday nights. Some of my mates will be over there performing. We’ll make sure you get more than ‘one Guinness’,” she said, again testing our her American accent.

Raya forced herself to pause for a moment. Fighting her gut screaming “Don’t go!” She was self aware enough to know that was her depression speaking. Before overthinking more, Raya replied with a casual “Yeah, that sounds fun.”

Siobhan replied “Cool” and took a moment to observe Raya. Her wide eyes and the chewing on her cheek indicated she was nervous but her energy shifted as she sat up and eagerly took a bite out of her next taco.

The remainder of the day lingered agonizingly for Raya. If she wasn’t anxiously predicting each of Evangelina’s thoughts, she was lethargically sitting in a director’s chair, enduring the molasses pace of film making.

A little after seven, the director wrapped and the cast and crew were dismissed. Raya and Evangelina piled into the black car and Siobhan returned them to the hotel in the center of Dingle. Before scooting entirely out of the back of the car, Raya turned to see Siobhan looking back at her in the rear view. Raya gave a half smile and a wave. Siobhan responded by forming a phone with her right hand, thumb and pinky extended, and mouthing “I’ll call you later.” Raya’s smile grew larger before returning to a neutral position as she exited the vehicle and turned toward the rear to retrieve Evangelina’s bags.

Raya escorted Evangelina to her suite and confirmed that her dinner would be delivered shortly by the server. Before getting into her nightly bath, Evangelina dismissed Raya for the night. Normally, Raya would still be ‘on call’ for the rest of the night, but she hadn’t been needed post dinner for most of the trip. As she eagerly ventured back to her room, she confidently gave herself permission to put her worries aside.

Never one to be over dressed, Raya hastily threw on a pair of baggy brown corduroy pants, swapped her black flats for white Chuck Taylor’s and ditched the blazer for the soft wool cardigan she had bought a few days ago during the brief time off she had to wander. On the bathroom counter, her phone began to buzz. She first glanced at the time on the top of the screen, 8:00 PM. Then glanced to see the person responsible for the disruption, Siobhan. Raya felt a rush of energy into her chest coupled with a more than minor annoyance. She hated answering the phone. But given the circumstances, she begrudgingly answered.

“Hey, wanted to see if you were here yet? I don’t see you.” Siobhan excitedly said on the other side. Raya could hear the chatter of the bar and string instruments playing randomly, signaling the players were warming up.

“Leaving now. The pubs only a five minute walk from here,” Raya replied. Her nervousness now getting the better of her.

“Alrighty. I’ll save you a stool at the bar.” Siobhan disconnected.

Hurriedly grabbing her purse off the bed, Raya lingered at the door of the hotel room. Watching herself twist and twirl in the mirror. Criticizing parts of her outfit, as her anxiety made a final push to convince her that the outside world was unsafe. But she was determined to not allow that voice to dissuade her. And she gave herself a reassuring nod before turning the knob and stepping out into the hallway.

The small pub was filled from end to end.

“Don’t mind me,” Raya whispered as she squeezed through a group of men waiting for the pints of Guinness to settle.

Siobhan spotted her as she wriggled out of the pack and waved her over with a charming smile and a “Yankee! Over here,” drawing the gaze of half the bar. Raya rushed over to sit next to her new friend. Or was this a date, Raya asked herself.

“Timed it out perfectly,” Siobhan said, handing over a freshly poured pint. “Slainte!” she yelled and they clinked glasses together before both taking a swig. Raya’s tamed sip was nothing compared to the chug of Siobhan.

“You’ve got to split the ‘G’ on your first sip,” she said.

Fearing a massive cultural faux pas, Raya hastily brought the glass back to her lips, now attempting to drink almost a third of the beer. She grimaced as the carbonation begin stinging her throat, pulling the drink away when you she felt she had given a respectable effort. To her surprise, she managed to drink enough so that top of the liquid rested just above the ‘G’ spelling ‘Guinness’ around the fat belly of the glass.

“Not bad,” she exclaimed excitedly, which made Siobhan laugh.

“Not bad? That’s ten years of bad luck there. That’s what that is,” Siobhan replied with a light tone. Grabbing a napkin from the backside of the bar, she gently wiped the foam ‘mustache’ lingering on Raya’s upper lip. Maybe this is a date, Raya thought, sitting a little taller in her seat.

In a booth, in the back corner of the pub, a fiddle began playing and the chatter around the bar subsided. After three jaunty Irish songs, accompanied by everyone in the pub, including Siobhan, singing along, the band broke and the bar returned to its normal nightliness.

“So, how do you enjoy working for a famous actor?” Siobhan asked, slightly sarcastically.

“Oh, I just love it,” Raya replied in a mimicking tone. Her shoulders slumped over the empty pint glass and she stared down and started fiddling with it.

“What’d you do before this?” Siobhan asked, regretting bringing up the subject of work.

“I was at NYU,” Raya responded and then paused, “ah, that’s New York University,” she added, feeling mildly snobbish for explaining that.

“Believe it or not, we’ve heard of NYU here,” Siobhan replied coolly. “Are you an actor too?” A slight disbelief in her tone.

“No…no…no, I could never,” replied Raya before pausing, still playing with her glass. “I studied Film. I wanted to be a direct…” she caught herself, “I want to be a director.”

“Wow. Didn’t know I’d be having a pint with the female Marty Scorsese tonight.” Siobhan said, lightly poking Raya’s arm. Raya giggled, embarrassed.

“Oh, you’re still not. I’ve barely done anything since graduating. This job sucks up all my energy.”

“Well, why don’t you quit?” Siobhan asked flatly. “You’re young. You don’t need to be powdering that old hag’s tits every day.”

Raya gathered a shocked look on her face and her cheeks began to redden. “How’d you know that?” she asked.

Siobhan grinned, “I was only guessin’ but I do have a knack for guessin’ right. I can see in the way you carry yourself, this isn’t where you belong.”

Raya quit fiddling with her pint glass and looked up to Siobhan. It had been so long since someone truly saw her. And she clinged to that. A desire to kiss her now swept over Raya, but she was held back by the voice inside her.

Siobhan leaned in and kissed her.

Their eyes opened and locked as Siobhan slowly pulled away.

“Like I said, I’ve got a knack for guessin’.” she said.

The band returned to their seats and the “Connaughtman’s Rambles” began to fill the bar. At the first note, Siobhan hurriedly grabbed Raya’s hand in her own, the fresh pint of Guinness in the other and escorted the two to the dance floor.

Its not fair that every person does not experience a moment of self realization that Raya experienced that night. In a way, she felt guilty about that. But guilty for enjoying a moment she could endure. Leaving a life she wasn’t fit for, she could not.