Fly high

Tick-tock-tick-tock the clock chimed above my head, the silver spoons clinking with the china plates. The sound of wine glasses meeting glass. Conversations drifting above my head, words, sentences flying past. In one ear, out the other. I hear the shuffle of footsteps behind me, waiters rushing to empty wine glasses, taking out empty plates and replacing them with different meals. I gritted my teeth at the mention of my name. I kept my head down whispering, “not today, not today please” 

“Mira!” the man at the end of the table, the man who everyone respects, The man who owns the house. The man I call my father, “Have you met Steve’s son?” I looked up at the other man that my father was beaming at, they all looked the same. Salt and pepper hair, clean-shaven jaws, neatly pressed expensive suits. Tailored perfectly on their body. Their golden watches that when it catches the light it blinds your eyes. It makes me wanna gag. 

“No, I don’t think so,” I say politely. 

“Well you surely must have!” he exclaimed, clapping the man’s back as he continued

“You two go into the same academy, isn't that right? Monroe?” I nod

“Perfect, maybe we could set you up, I heard he’s quite the young man”

I fidgeted against my seat, my fingers fiddling with the edge of my itchy dress. I glared down at the black heels my mother made me wear. I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be with them, I don’t fucking love the idea of staying here another year. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out slowly as I let my mind wander to the one place where they can never reach me. 

Green, so much green everywhere. The wind, soft and chilly against my skin, the sun not too burning me under its heat. I could feel the sunflowers under my fingers, their petals kissing me every time I grazed my hand against it. Green hilltops, hills I can tumble down, rolling till I read the soft flower beds below. 

Soon. I tell myself, soon I’ll be out of here. 

“Mira, you are being disrespectful with our guests” I look up, my mother’s steely gray eyes boring into mine. I bit the insides of my cheeks and I continued playing the part, the part of the perfect daughter. 

A bird is what I see myself as, a bird with white wings. So white it was blinding, a bird with soft feathers, so soft you nearly think I couldn’t fly because it will not be able to hold my weight. But no, this bird can fly, high so high into the clouds, fast so fast I could be in one place for a minute and be in another in a blink of an eye. But I’m also a bird who is trapped, a bird with shackles on both feet, a bird that can only see far enough my cage would let me. I’m not free, I can’t fly. 

Tonight was different though, tonight they smiled at me like I made them proud. Their little pet finally complied, I greeted their guest with profound cheerfulness, listened to their conversations, and joined when called. I followed them, I obeyed their rules, I did what they wanted me to do all my life. Little did they know that I have something, something that I look forward to when the clock strikes midnight. I’d be long gone before they drag me into one of these hell holes again. 

I hear the chatter below fading, the door closing, the engines of cars starting. I looked at the clock, thirty minutes, more than enough for me to get ready. I have been packing the minute I learned to trick them into buying me new luggage. I marveled at my room, too perfect of a room, a room that never felt mine but always felt hers. My mother. 

I can feel my insides burning, my feet won’t stop tapping against the carpeted floor. I waited in the dark, I listened carefully, waiting for that satisfying click of doors, the moment I knew I was all alone and could go. And there it was, I heard it, I felt my bones jumping as it did. I bolted up from my bed, shoving my feet into my leather boots, opening the windows. I looked down, empty. I started the climb, slowly at first and faster the moment I reached halfways. Slinging my backpack on my shoulder, I bolted away. 

The cage was bent open, the cage rattled loudly as I finally found the strength and the courage to break free. My shackles were in ruins as I stepped out for the first time not fearing the two guard dogs I’m always with. I ran, I flew, as fast as I could. The sky above rumbling, thunder echoing, lightning hitting its target. I felt alive, my body humming with adrenaline, my blood boiling with excitement. I’m free. I’m finally free.

My legs were aching, my knees were screaming, my lungs wanting to give. I didn’t care. My eyes were set on that place, on that land, and whatever kind of life was waiting for me there. The person who sees me, the first-ever person to see me all my life. My heart was pounding loudly against my chest, I feared my bones would break. I exhaled an unbelievable breath, I choked on laughter. I’m free. I wiped the tears streaming down my face, my hands shaking as I grabbed onto my bag on dear life.

The rain poured its steady trickle against my hair down to my neck. I feel every drop of it symbolizing all the tears I have kept, all my worries wash away with it. The rain felt good, the rain made me want to laugh, made me want to cry, to scream, and yell. I ran and I ran, the rain covering my tracks, washing away my traces from that place. For good. 

I’m finally flying high.