What's Lost Can Never Be Found

(This story followed the character Jack Corner who was introduced in my story Secret’s Aren’t For The Keeping [Part 2]. So, if you want to better understand this story, I would recommend going and reading that story first, but it is not necessary for you to do so. Hope you all enjoy!)

         “You’re free to go.” Jack Corner looked up as the guard opened his jail cell door. One month. That was how long he had lingered in this jail cell. He supposed he shouldn’t complain since it could have been much longer and much worse. But one month of eating tasteless food and sitting in his cell mindlessly made him want to go mad.

         He stood and swayed a moment. The guard gave him an impatient look and then yanked him out of the cell. “Hurry up before I decide to put you back in that cell.” The man then proceeded to laugh at his joke.

         Jack however was not amused. “Forgive me for not sharing your humor. I cannot find it funny to think that I might be shoved back into that cell.”

         The guard ignored his comment and said, “Just head straight through that door and the officers there will tell you what you need to know. Oh, and a pretty little lady is there waiting for you, so I wouldn’t move too slowly.”

         Jack nodded and continued to walk. The words of the guard barely registered in his tired mind. All he could think about was his freedom. He would be able to breathe fresh air not ridden with the dankness of his own body. And food, he felt his mouth begin to salivate at the thought of eating something more than the bland slop the people here called food.

         But his stomach soured at the reminder of why he had been put in here in the first place. Kevin. He felt guilty that he was complaining about being in jail, when his friend had died because of him. Suddenly the month in jail and the distasteful food didn’t seem so bad. At least he hadn’t been drowned. No! He tried to shut out the memory, but it all came forth.

         Him and Kevin swimming.

         Him pushing Kevin under the water as a joke.

         Kevin not moving.

         Jack pulling him out of the water, but it being too late.

         Kevin dying.

         And Jack lying.

         “Jack?” Jack looked up and met the eyes of Alea Newman. The memories faded, but his distrust surfaced.

         “What are you doing here?”

         “I don’t know.” She shook her head. “No, that’s a lie. I came because I heard that you were being released from jail. I thought I could take you home or wherever you plan to go.”

         “How did you know I was being released?” He had his suspicions. Suspicions that this so-called secretkeeper didn’t even keep his secret.

         She looked away. “I checked in every day for updates.”

         He looked at her face. He did not see the paleness of her skin. Did not see the dark circles under her eyes nor the tear stains on her cheeks. He did not see how much more gaunt her face looked since the last time he saw her. He did not see the pain written in every part of her face. No, the only thing he saw was the guilt. “You did tell them. You lied to me.”

         She didn’t deny it as he hoped she would. Instead, she just let one single tear fall from her eye. “I’m sorry.”

         He pushed his way past her and walked out of the jail. “Wow. The one and only secretkeeper can’t keep a secret. Was it too hard for you to bear? Huh? You are the reason I languished in a jail cell for a month.”

         She shook her head and hurried to keep pace with him. “No, I couldn’t bear it. How could I? You don’t know what it is like to bear everyone else’s burdens. So, don’t act as if it is an easy feat.”

         He turned to look at her and scoffed. “You chose to be the secretkeeper didn’t you? So, you have to bear the consequences.”

         She gave him a hard look. “And you. You chose to drown your friend. So you, Jack Corner, have to bear the consequences. I’m sorry that I told your secret, but know this, I am not the reason you are in here.” She pushed his shoulder. “You are.” Then she turned and walked away. Shoulders slumped and looking burdened.

         Jack watched her go and felt like an equally as large burden landed on his shoulder. Though he tried to forget the memory and the guilt, it would not leave him be. He looked around, realizing that he was outside now. But the fresh air that he had been looking forward to no longer held pleasure. There was something he needed to do and then, well hopefully then the guilt would go away.

***

         Jack walked up the porch steps and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to do this, but he had to. Part of him said that it would be better for Kevin’s parents if they never knew the real reason their son was dead. It would be better for them to believe that Kevin had merely drown, rather than knowing that Kevin’s best friend killed him. But it might fix what he ruined. Somehow, some way.

         He knocked three times on the door and then stepped back. He waited a minute. Perhaps they were not home. Or maybe, just maybe, they were dead. Not that he wished they were dead, but if they were than he wouldn’t have to do this.

         A moment later, the door was pulled open and he met the eyes of Kevin’s mother. She opened the door more fully and stared at him. “Jack? W-what brings you here?”

         He studied her face. It had been years since he had last seen her, but he could tell that the lines on her face were not put there by age, but by hard times. Hard times that he contributed to.

         “Is your husband here?”

         She shook her head and tears fell from her eyes. “No, Jack, he died. Just soon after we found out about Kevin’s death. He could not bear the thought that his son was dead and followed him to the grave.”

         Jack shook his head. He was a fool. He had thought that somehow, he could fix things by coming clean, but it was a lie. Nothing would bring Kevin back. Nothing would fix this for Kevin’s mother.

         She looked up at him with pain-ridden eyes. “Why did you come here, Jack?”

         He shook his head. “On a fool’s errand.” Then he turned and walked away. The farther he got the faster he ran. And unbeknown to him, he ran straight to the swimming hole where he had killed his best friend. He crumpled to the ground and cried. “I’m s-s-sorry, Kevin. I thought, like a fool, I thought I could fix this, but I can’t. And nothing I could ever do can fix this.”

         He stood up and swiped dirt and dead leaves off his pant legs. He looked around. What should he do now? He had no idea, but he had an idea of who might.

***

         Jack knocked on the door and waited for it to be opened for the second time that day. This time though, he wasn’t standing at Kevin’s parents’ door. The door opened cautiously and Alea peered her head out. She noticed him and started to push the door closed.

         “Wait, please. I need help.”

         She stopped. “What do you need? No, let me guess. You have another secret to tell me.”

         He shook his head. “No, I…” He sighed. “Can we just talk?”

         She stared at him for a moment. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to talk. Come on.” She closed the door and started walking. He rushed to follow after her. After a few minutes, she stopped. Right at the spot where he had confessed his secret over a month ago.

         “Let’s talk then.”

         He sat down. “I haven’t come to tell you another secret. In fact, I don’t even know why I told you the first time.” He held up a hand. “Not because you told my secret. I realize now that I could not have kept such a secret myself, and I am sure that it is even harder for you.” He raked a hand through his hair. “I visited Kevin’s house today. I thought that I could somehow fix things if I told them the truth. Honesty is the best policy, as they say.” He laughed mirthlessly.

“But I couldn’t. Did you know that after Kevin died, his father could not handle the pain and followed him to the grave. Leaving his wife all alone. And it’s all my fault. I tried to tell myself that it was because of Kevin’s lung issues. But that was a lie. Even if his lungs hadn’t been the way they were, what kind of friend pretend drowns them?”

         Alea put her hand over his. “Why did you come here, Jack?” The words were said simply.

         He could ask himself the same question. “I want to know how I can fix this.”

         Alea shook her head and stood. “You can’t.”

         “What?!” He stood too. “But surely there is something I can do. Maybe I should tell the truth. Or maybe I should take care of Kevin’s mother. Or maybe, If I just-”

         “Stop! You listen to me, Jack Corner. There is nothing you can do. Your friend is gone. You can’t make him come alive. You can’t bring Kevin’s father back. And you can’t take his mother’s pain away.” Angry tears made a trail down her already tear-stained face.

         “So, what do I do?” He felt his raw desperation rise.

         She gave him a sad smile. “You do what I do.”

         He leaned forward. “And what is that? What’s the secret? What do I do?”

         “You don’t let it eat you alive.”