Red Blood to Black Ink: Ursula's Trade

It is not that I needed her voice. I have my own. Yes, hers might be brighter and full of hope, but mine tells my story. It is gruff, I’ll give you that, but that is because the sides of my voice box are torn, ripped from me clawing my way through the terror and grief of a thousand dark and lonely nights.

Oh? Suddenly interested, are we? Well, I shall tell you everything, but… perhaps should I ask for a small fee? It is only fair.

*****

Father Poseidon was particularly hard to live with. His father, Grandfather Cronus, set about putting his children in their place early, so father never knew what love was. He too grew to be as rough as coral when it came to his children.

When we were wee things, Triton and I took to hiding when father was in a mood. I particularly loved the reef where the fish in the tiny narrow caves helped us reach for fallen treasure buried inside the cracks. They loved to share their bright trinkets with us. Our white hair twisted together as we knelt, bent over the glowing objects they brought out.  Later at night, we would tell each other stories about them and the humans who lost them.

Triton always was a great story-teller. He would make me giggle until father would roar for our silence. We tucked our giggles away until the next morning.

Triton preferred to hide in the caverns. He loved their endless dark drops and twists into the depths where father forbade us to go. When we played hide and seek, he liked to swim so deep that I would give up, fearing the dark. When he went there, I could never find him. It was cruel. He knew my fear and played upon it.

If I had been lucky enough to have anyone else to play with, I may have abandoned Triton for playing so cruelly. But as it stood, he and I were alone. We didn’t need much tending to, and even if we did, that would never have happened. Caring for us would have gotten in the way of father and mother Amphitrite ignoring us.

It never bothered me much, I loved my independence, but as the years went by, we grew and Triton began to speak unkindly of them. I wish I had paid more attention when that first began. Maybe… maybe, things would have been different.

*****

One day, when I was a bit older, I lay on the reef talking to the fish who lived in the tiny caves. They told me mother had crashed another ship the night before and they had been collecting treasures all night. They were bringing them to me one at a time. Bright yellow and perfectly shiny, they stacked them around me like a giant wall of perfectly round bricks. I laid back smiling, running my fingers across the rough reef and watched the wild sea above continue to rock after mother’s tantrum. Her seals and dolphins jumped and played with the humans treading water and screaming for help.

It saddened me sometimes that I was not allowed to help them, but I knew their world was not part of ours, and never could be. I could not even imagine father’s punishment if I were to disobey him on such a matter.

As I watched the scene above, one of the fish put a tiny object into my hand. I looked at it closely, and saw a clear rock attached to a circle. It was unlike the round bricks, it was hollow in the middle.

I laughed with joy. The fish who brought it smiled wildly back at me and then swam away. This trinket was small enough to fit into my nautilus shell. I pulled my shell out from under my top, slipped it inside and smiled.

*****

It sounded from a distance like father and mother were having an argument when I returned home that day. But as I approached, I realized it was more than just them having words.

Uncles Zeus and Hades stood behind my father; their faces stricken with fury. Triton was kneeling in front them, his head bowed.  I stopped short and sucked in a breath. I scurried to hide out of sight where I could still hear what was being said.

“He is plotting against you brother!” Zeus was yelling at Father. “He has been going behind your back and planning to rule the sea!! He does not PLAN to rule with fairness OR kindness. This cannot be allowed or go unpunished!”

Hades stepped forward then. “It is true Poseidon. I have spies who have heard him speaking to the people who support you. He is currying their favor so when he… removes you… they follow him.”  

Mother turned and stared at the side of father’s face. “You know what you must do,” she said with firmness I had never heard her use with him. “You have another heir. She will rule in your honor after you pass. She is empathetic, kind and moral. This,” she pointed at Triton, “cannot go unanswered.”

Triton looked up then. He glared at them with fury.

Father raised his trident. It glowed. His chest puffed up and in his deepest voice he waived it over Triton. “I WILL PONDER YOUR PUNISHMENT, CHILD. DEPART US NOW.” And with a waive, Triton was gone.

Gulping, I backed away. My mind was spinning with panic as I tried to sort out what I had just heard. Me? The heir? What would they do to Triton? I turned to scurry away and bumped hard into someone. Startled I sucked in a breath and looked up to see who it was.

It was Triton.

He grinned at me in the evilest way, and then grabbed my hair in one hand and covered my mouth with the other, pulling me behind him. I fought as hard as I could to get away from his grip, but to no avail. I knew where he was taking me, and I was powerless to stop him.

*****

When he finally stopped swimming down into the caverns, it was absolutely pitch black and I could not see anything. My skin felt weird. Squeezed. Father had told us never to come down this far. When his grip loosened, I pulled away from him and screamed. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TRITON?  WHY DID YOU BRING ME DOWN HERE??”

I could not see him. He had backed into the black.

I heard him chuckle then. “YOU are no leader. Look at you. No one can rule the seas who is afraid of the dark.”

“I don’t WANT to lead Triton! What has gotten into you? You will be God of the Sea someday! Why are you going behind father’s back NOW?” I was reaching out to find him as I frantically spoke the words. I could feel him repeatedly swish away from me. Heard him chuckle each time.

“It is too late to change what is happening, Ursula. This has been coming for a long time. The only glitch has been… you. Sorry, but this…” I heard him swish away again, “has always been…inevitable.”

“What do you mean Triton??” I waited for his reply. “TRITON?” I screamed. “TRITON!!!”

I screamed until my throat burned. Triton never came back.

*****

I did not find my own way out of the dark.

I do not know how long I was down there. I only know that if the Anglerfish had not found me, I would still be lost. The bright light on his head made me think I was near the end of my life. It crept toward me in the dark. Slowly. Steadily. My eyes had barely been open.

“Loooooooost are we?” He whispered in a deep hissing voice as he licked my tail. At his touch my eyes shot open and I pulled back from him. “I….I am. Who are you?” I stammered, my voice deeper and more gravely than I had ever heard before.

“Hmmm….. YOU can call me Lophi. Pretty little thing, aren’t you?” he said as he swam around me, his spiked tail ran through my white hair pulling it. His large bottom lip that arched up to his top lip barely moved as he spoke. The sharp knife-like teeth clicked together.

His eyes darted all over my body.

“I like your kind,” he kept talking. “You have a lot of meat and less bones than most down here. Taaaaaaasty.” His teeth clattered.

I gulped. “You EAT fish?” I asked.

He quickly changed direction twice, swimming faster around me. As he passed behind me his bottom teeth scraped my back, scratching me. I yelped in pain as I whipped around and saw my own blood.

“Yesssssss. Doesn’t everyone?” his eyes shot around as if looking for the others in the room.

“No,” I whispered. “We eat seaweed.” I paused. “Is there any,” I gulped, “seaweed near here?”

His light flickered when he laughed. “No dear,” he said when he finally composed himself. “That needs light to grow. There is no light down here.”

I looked away from him then. I knew I was never going to get out of the dark. He might as well enjoy my flesh. But then I had one tiny thought….

“Will you show me the way out of the dark? If you do, my father will reward you. My father is Poseidon. He has many gifts he can bestow.” I croaked out the words.

“I knoooooow who your father is, dear. I also know who your brother is. We made a deal some time ago when HE was lost down here.” Lophi circled me again, scratching my back again.

“You helped him get out of here?” I asked.

“I did.” He met my eyes then. “For a price. It is only fair, you see. I must be rewarded for my effortsssssss.”

“So what can I give you to get ME out of here?” I asked, barely able to keep my eyes open.

“Hmmm….what could YOU have that I want,” he pondered. My brain swam for ideas. They tried to land again and again on something, anything I could offer, when I saw him staring at my necklace.

“Oh!” I said, reaching inside it. “I could give you this?” I pulled out the bright yellow circle. The clear rock glowed under his light.

“Interestinggggggg” he said as he circled it, his back tail scraping my chin each time he swam around. Blood flowed in a vortex around my head. I held it out. Waiting. Watching as he examined it.

“No,” he finally said. “I have no use for this. It is pretty, but that will do me no good.”

I dropped my hand and let the tears flow. Sorrow gripped me. It was all I had to offer.

“No,” he said again. “I want something entirely more precious than that trinket. IIIII…. Want your goodness. Your kindness. Your MORALITY.”

“But,” I stammered. “I have no way to give that to you.”

“Don’t you worry about thaaaat dear,” he whispered into my ear as he swam around my back, scraping me for a third time. “You just need to agreeee.”

“Why would you WANT my morality? What good could that do for you down here?” I asked, panicking at the choice I was going to have to make.

My life for my soul.

“It is good for TRADE,” he said.

I was silent for a very long time. My blood continued to flow all around me.

“I will come back to you later. Give you some time to thiiiiiiink about my offer,” he said, and in a blink his light was gone, and I was alone in the dark, near death.

*****

Lophi was granted magical powers for returning Triton, and he was granted eternal life by father for returning me. Father refused to meet my eye when he made the rest of the deal.

Despite my cries and screams for love and mercy, father ignored me. He was powerful when it came to upholding his ideals, even if it meant sacrifice.

You see, father traded my morality with Triton’s. Quite the win-win for the ocean and all its beloved creatures. He felt the God of the sea needed strength AND morality. Zeus and Hades agreed to the deal, so long, of course, that they were allowed to turn on him, should my morality FAIL them.

Father, my dearest father, acquiesced.

As a consolation prize, I was given magic that could be used to “provide for myself” and to “protect myself”. They exiled me. They turned me from Mermaid to Octopus so I would not, COULD not, resemble my family.

Mother took the gold circle with the clear stone and blessed it with the memories of my youth. I can put it on my finger at anytime and…. remember.

My family betrayed me for the leader they thought everyone deserved.

I still have that trinket. That ring. I slip it onto my finger when I am saddest. Not only does it hold the memories of my life, but it is a reminder of the last day where who I was as a mermaid was valued not because of who my father was, but for the content of my character.

*****

So, there you have it. My side of the story. Of course, I was only joking about needing a small fee to be paid. I am just happy you darkened my door and listened to how I became who I am now; This…monster.

Magic and the ring are all I have in my shell.