The Twisted Family Circle.

Sad Sam looked around his kitchen at home. How was he going to unleash this bad new for his loved ones? There was his wife, Nadia, who worked her days at the supermarket, stocking shelves of vegetables. At the stove stood his mother-in-law, newly arrived from her homeland near Ruskovia. It was a satellite country, on the border of yet another unwinnable armed conflict with the powers that be, somewhere in the Kremlin. Sad Sam's son was named Robertino. He was supposed to be at school, but these days no one could make him obey anything. He was as tall as his father, and very surly.

Sad Sam said to no one in particular, "I'm home."

Anya looked up from her cooking pots, bubbling merrily. "Ya!'

Sad Sam asked, "Hiya, mother-in-law. How are you settling in, long way from home! Hope you're happy here."

Anya grunted only, "Ya!" and glanced away. Then she told him, "I cook, you eat."

Sad Sam's day was getting worse, as he inhaled a foul aroma from the saucepan of food. Anya brought it to the table and sploshed large spoons of mush onto his plate. Sad Sam silently hoped dinner would taste better than it looked, but then he soon lost hope.

He enquired, "What is this stuff?"

Anya replied, ""Old dish from home. Eat!"

Sad Sam pushed his plate away, suddenly not hungry. Nadia was already sitting there, clearly enjoyng her mother's cooking. It did not even look that nutritious. Robertino slammed the back door as he sauntered in. He was as fat as his mother, and in one of his moods.

Sad Sam had to get his bad news off his chest, still unsure of the future. "I've been retrenched for Christmas .The bank has sacked all the managerial staff."

Robertino snorted, "This place smells weird."

Nadia sighed heavily, "Not happy, Sam."

Robertino had his practical side, "What are we going to do for Christmas if Dad's on the dole?"

Anya slopped food on more plates, and soon they were pretending to enjoy her food. She thought her job there was to get everyone fatter for Christmas. Sad Sam attempted to eat some more, but he was already developing stomach cramps. He was going to get food poisoning for Christmas. He groaned and clutched his guts.

Nadia said only, "Lovely, Mum. This is a traditional dish. Eat up, Robertino, you are my growing boy."

Sad Sam could not have any more dinner, as Robertino launched into a tuneless song. "We're getting food poisoning for Christmas, just like the cramps we used to know."

Anya told him, "You get fat for Christmas!"

Nadia could only comment, "Great, just like the good old days." She wiped her plate with the home-baked bread, and wondered aloud what Sad Sam was going to do for a living now, to support his family.

Sam responded, "I thought I might do the garden, look around for another job as a manager."

Nadia suggested he could grow some vegetables.

Anya agreed, "Ya, good. I cook!"

Nadia added, "I only work at the supermarket. You'll have to get a job somewhere."

Sad Sam suddenly felt like vomiting. "I know. First I need to go to the loo!"

Robertino raced from the kitchen, yelling, "After me, Dad!"

Sad Sam put his head in his hands, "Don't be long!"

Anya piled yet more food on the plates, saying her favourite word, "Eat!"

Sad Sam clutched his stomach and turned his head away. He left the room to get some fresh air. Nadia told her mother to sit and eat, telling her, "Boys will be boys, don't take any notice."

"Ya, is good," Anya nodded.

Sad Sam reentered the kitchen, his face dark and cross. Nadia looked up, "You back already, dear?" What's wrong now?"

"How is garden?" Anya wanted to know. Sad Sam said, "I'm furious. Robertino, come here at once. Explain yourself, right now!"

Robertino strode in, pale but defiant. "What's up, Dad? Keep your shirt on!"

Sad Sam did not know how to handle his teenage son, but he was feeling way beyond reasonable wellbeing that day.

"What the hell are you doing growing dope in our garden behind the garage? When do you get the time? You're supposed to be in school!"

Robertino stood up to his father, looking him in the eye. "Hold on. I've left school, and you didn't even notice. Look, I've got 35 thousand dollars, right here. Growing dope's my job."

Sad Sam's voice got only louder. "Over my dead body! You'll end up going down the river. I should take you to the cop shop, they'll sort you!"

Anya looked at the two rival males, as she served more mushy food. "Is good boy, Eat!"

Robertino was not going to give in to his oldies. "But look how much money I've made. It's way better than applying for crap jobs."

Anya nodded again. "Grow leafy greens. Is good, money good."

Sad Sam got redder in the face, "It's not good, it's illegal!"

Robertino interrupted this conflict, asking, "What's that smell? There's smoke coming from the oven!"

Sad Sam opened the oven and exclaimed, "Your grandma';s got the saucepans in here. The plastic handles are melting."

Anya smiled pleasantly, "Is good cook."

Sad Sam could only take a step back, "This is no family circle magazine. You go and get rid of those plants."

"No! " his son replied, "I've got a better idea. You can grow it with me. Father and Son, we could be a business together, growing medicinal marijuana."

Anya beamed, "He good boy. Lots of money, money good!"

Robertino grinned, "I'll buy some more cookware. I've got enough money. Why don't we get home delivery pizza for dinner, or else, "We'll all get food poisoning for Christmas, just like the cramps we used to know......"

Sad Sam virtually collapsed into his kitchen chair, at the head of his family, sort of not. "Does no one ever listen to me? Our son's growing illicit drugs. He's richer than all of us. What if we all get busted? Now he wants me to grow drugs too!"

Anya was still smiling at this turn of events. "Is good. Money good. Plants good. Old custom. We eat!"

Nadia could only agree. "Lovely, Mum. Just like the old days. I'll join the new family business, and your father can manage it.!

Robertino laughed, "Briilliant, and sweet."

Sad Sam finally made it to the loo, dry retching. He wondered what was to become of his twisted family, in all their tomorrows. What a fun crew!