Glamourpuss

Jackie was back at it, scouring through the comments from her latest uploaded video, entitled “Not too shabby!" featuring five minutes of her stood opposite her full length mirror, posing in her new black swimsuit. She hadn't said much in that video, like she normally did, because she wanted her viewers to focus solely on her figure rather than her words. She knew when she spoke that people stopped to pay attention, and she didn't want them distracted this time. She had even gone so far as to block most of her face by holding up her iPad as she filmed into the mirror, given her beauty would also divert eyes away from her body.

She purchased the swimsuit exclusively for the video, although she wasn't about to advertise that. It was tasteful, not tarty, and not matronly either. In fact, it really flattered her, but then she always had a knack for choosing just the right clothes. It was one of many gifts she was blessed with. Too many women didn't have a clue how to make themselves look their best, which made Jackie cringe.

And just so this little display didn't seem staged, Jackie had explained to her audience that she was about to sunbathe in her back garden for the first time that year - her real intent in getting into her swimsuit, rather than modelling it online. The video was merely an afterthought. She was selflessly deciding to share part of her day with her beloved fans who were eager to know what she was up to. She even threw in a touch of false modesty by saying “I'm a bit wary of inflicting myself on the neighbours. I'm wondering if I should even go outside like this.”

She realised there was a marked contradiction in being perfectly willing to show herself to the world, but too wary to venture into her back garden for fear a few neighbours catching a glimpse, but she also knew that most viewers didn't think much, and wouldn't pick up on it. She had gotten away with many other inconsistencies in previous videos, so why would this one be any different.

In just 48 hours, the video had generated around 6,000 views, not to mention the long stream of gushing comments from both men and women, telling her how gorgeous she looked. She was very pleased with herself over this accomplishment. The whole world agreed on how truly sensational she was.

Jackie prided herself on being slim, particularly when there were so many obese influencers polluting the internet, flaunting their massive size when she thought they should instead hide away in shame. She often disclosed her weight in her videos - always just shy of 100 pounds - whilst at the same time chastising and mocking the larger women for theirs, telling them they looked 100 pounds heavier than they claimed to be. These were women she viewed as gluttonous, highly narcissistic, and void of any self control. When she addressed her own weight, it was never in a boastful manner. It was always carefully delivered so her audience would think she was nothing more than slightly concerned over her frailty.

She would also fault find, so nobody could accuse her of being arrogant, but never anything too major. In this swimsuit video, she told her audience that her mid section was “collapsing,” which was bound to get a few people to disagree and tell her there was nothing wrong with her, that she was absolutely stunning. She was right. That's exactly what they said.

And very few people trolled her anymore like they did in the beginning, because she did two things. First, she played the age card, shaming anyone who would go so low as to pick on an elderly woman, and the community at large was quick to back her. Nobody wanted to be seen as someone who bullied the one senior in their community. It wasn't a good look.

Second, she frightened off the trolls by showing that she could be exceptionally brutal. That's when she started to do live streams on top of her pre recorded videos, naming and shaming anyone who dared to criticise her. She'd work her flying monkeys into an angry mob, so her target would get a load of hate in the comment sections of various channels, as well as in any other live chat they happened to be spotted in. She warned that she had ways of finding out who the person was behind a mean comment, that she had certain connections, and that anyone who disrespected her online would be on the receiving end of her much deserved wrath.

So who was Jackie? She was a 75 year old pensioner who had spent nearly all her waking hours online ever since Arthur, her husband of forty years, finally succumbed to cancer two years before. She was now free, after what seemed like an eternity being burdened by having to care for him day in and day out, to occupy her own time and amuse herself. And so her YouTube channel was born.

Jackie had three grown children, all of whom lived locally to her, but they were incredibly ungrateful, and rarely came around apart from Mother's Day or Christmas. It was only when she needed to go to hospital that her one son, Geoff, dutifully turned up. But soon as she was back home and seemed alright, he was off again. Nevermind. She had YouTube, didn't she. When your children heartlessly abandon you, and your so called friends betray you, there was always social media.

But while Jackie seemed to cope with her children's avoidance of her, she wasn't at all happy that they disapproved of her channel. This really niggled at her. Susan, her eldest daughter, had talked to her about it a while back, telling her they all felt embarrassed by her online antics - namely the relentless bullying of another YouTuber, as well as her “Pillow Talk” videos, where she dressed herself in pink lingerie, sat herself up in bed on her satin sheets, and chatted to viewers. Jackie had tried to explain to her that there was a vast difference between being embarrassing and taking pride in who you were. She reminded Susan, again, of how painfully shy she was until her late thirties, and how, only in her older age, had she blossomed with self confidence, and she strongly felt that should be celebrated, not suppressed.

It was a real shame that her own children didn't have the scope to see it that way. But what could she do. Kids could disappoint, no matter how fantastic a parent you were. Did they actually expect her to spend every day in a long black dress and veil, crying her eyes out at Arthur's graveside? That got old fast, and ultimately, it cramped her style. He may have been dead, but she was still very much alive, thank you. Why on earth should that go to waste. That would be a travesty for someone as vibrant as her.

So Jackie kept on. She submerged herself into the world of YouTube content creation, in spite of the fact that the average age in that arena was 32. That didn't bother her one bit. The way she viewed it, she was considerably more sophisticated than they were, and she could impart pearls of wisdom upon them - her contribution to an otherwise unenlightened and rather primitive community.

“You look just like Helen Mirren, my dear.” Jackie loved being likened to a celebrity - it wasn't the first time. She let out a cackle. Then she read it again, checking for hidden barbs, as you could never be sure what someone's true intent was.

Jackie pondered for a minute while she absorbed the comment, then replied with “Helen Mirren younger, or how she looks now?” Nothing wrong with asking for a bit of clarity. She could thank them later once she decided they were being genuine.

Her online image was very important to her. She didn't want anyone thinking negatively. After all, some people were quick to judge, so she had to be careful how she put things, or it could be taken the wrong way. This is why she always measured her words. Yes, there were often longish pauses when she spoke, but then, her charm made up for it.

In the real world, she'd been wrongfully pegged as having a superiority complex by a few ignorant and jealous former friends. She learned from that. She mastered the art of communicating so that anyone who had doubts about her would also doubt their own judgement.

Two other people had commented on the “thigh gap” between her legs, which delighted her, as she had posed in such as way as to emphasise it. To those people, she kept her replies limited to simple thank yous. A little trademark of hers whenever she got a compliment would be to add their name into her reply... eg “Thank you, Larry!” It was never just a generic thanks. That wasn't personal enough. She wanted to make them feel special. “I'm using your name because I'm attentive, and I care" was the message she wanted to convey.

Jackie had gone the way of the swimsuit to increase her views, which had been dwindling down since her two recent hospital admissions, also orchestrated to increase views. She was in excellent health for her age, but she knew full well that health scares equaled more views. She spent hours Googling various conditions that seemed potentially serious on the surface, which would stir up drama and worry amongst her fans, but were remedied fairly easily. That way, she could revert back to being her glamourous self without being called out.

She chose to have a problem with her gullet, which wasn't that far from the truth, as she did suffer from mild heartburn. She claimed she was having trouble swallowing food, even though she had no problems talking, or sipping her coffee on camera. But at her age, she was readily believed. Online, anyway.

The hospital staff were a different matter. On the two occasions (at two different hospitals) where she lied about her symptoms in order to get admitted so she could film from a hospital bed looking as rough as possible, it didn't take the staff long to work out that there wasn't much wrong with her. This resulted in her being rather hastily discharged. And both times, Jackie explained it away by telling her audience that she was cruelly booted out of the ward and made to sit in the reception area until Geoff came to collect her. She ranted over how inept the doctors and nurses were, how the NHS was miserably failing patients, how they failed to diagnose her, and how appallingly she was treated. She told everyone she'd have to go private just to get a proper diagnosis and decent care, but that she'd struggle to afford it, just like she struggled to pay for her many luxuries.

And while Jackie appeared to have made a recovery in record time following this second hospital eviction (her next video showed her in her dressing gown, gently caressing her face, fawning over her own complexion, and talking about her skin care routine), she made no further mention of her gullet, and if anyone asked, she would just shut them down by insisting she was still unwell, but braving it, and could they please not be so callous as to remind her.

With a subscriber count of approximately five thousand, and an average view count of 1,400 per video, She was monetised, although she didn't need the money, as she was already well off. The money wasn't the motivating factor, it was merely a bonus for gracing everyone with her presence.

Jackie loved to show everyone how house proud she was, and she'd give narrated video tours of her large, multi story home. People would see not only how tidy she kept it, but how exquisite her taste was in furniture and décor.

She had even filmed her bookshelf, although before she did it, she rearranged her books so that certain titles would be readily noticed, while others wouldn't be seen. For instance, she had several books on serial killers and psychopathy, and those were kept off camera.

But the house tours and the “Pillow Talk” videos weren't her main interest. Her main interest was a YouTuber called Chloe Eats, a popular, pretty influencer who had turned her channel into a successful reality show. Chloe had more than twenty times the subscriber count, was less than half her age, three times her size, and Jackie was in a fierce, one sided competition with her.

Jackie was obsessed with Chloe, and did daily reactions to her. Over time, those reactions grew more and more venomous, as Jackie was increasingly incensed by how Chloe lived her life. She was far too free spirited and bold for someone so massive, which to Jackie, violated the natural order of things. What sheer audacity!

Jackie would sit and stew, poking holes in everything Chloe said or did, including deeming Chloe's marriage a sham, claiming her Turkish husband was repulsed by the sight of her, and was using her for her money and fame. Chloe wasn't troubled by Jackie. She wrote her off as a sad old bat who needed to act her age, which Jackie took as a challenge. Eventually, she'd get to her.

And this full time hatchet job went along its course, until it landed her with two strikes. She couldn't understand why she got the strikes. She tried to appeal them, arguing that she wasn't bullying anyone, it was just commentary, that other reaction channels were far worse. She lost her appeal.

As she didn't want to put her channel at risk, she was forced to halt the reactions and the live streams for a while. But did she let it go with Chloe? Not a chance. She would just have to be more clever in how she spoke about her. Reactions were far too obvious, so instead, she'd casually mention Chloe in her self worshipping videos in the form of off the cuff remarks, rendering whatever she said purely spontaneous. There was always a way, if you were clever enough, to weave in a dig, continue to sting, whilst appearing totally innocuous.

And of course Jackie never missed a video. As soon as Chloe put out a new one, Jackie was viewing it, and never just the once. Always multiple times, studying and scrutinising her every move.

When Chloe bought a kitten from a breeder, Jackie adopted her own kitten. Where Chloe would hold it, or briefly play with it on camera, Jackie would make entire videos dedicated to showcasing what a great pet owner she was, and even dubbed herself “mommy.”

She would show everyone how well looked after the kitten was – the posh cat bed she purchased, the gourmet cat food, the array of cat toys, even the little plant she bought for it, seeing as she didn't allow it to go outside. How very thoughtful. All of it proved that she was a much better pet owner than Chloe, who had only got the kitten for clout. Jackie, who was a self proclaimed animal rights activist, found it a disgrace that any human being could do such a self serving thing.

And Jackie would be elated when her viewers compared her favourably, such as when someone wrote “Jackie, you effortlessly put her in the shade.”

All of this was going swimmingly for her, until another well known YouTuber, who happened to be Chloe's ex, fired shots at her in his own video, calling her the “great sphinx mother,” and “biggest narc on YouTube,” amongst a slew of other highly unpleasant allegations. When Jackie found his video, and it didn't take her long as she was constantly monitoring the internet, she was spitting blood.

She started to shake uncontrollably. "Narc???? How dare he! What utter nerve!" Just who did he think he was? More importantly, who did he think SHE was? Jackie was going to come at him with such unprecedented vitriol that he would shit himself if he ever so much as thought about mentioning her again in any video.

Completely blinkered by her fury, Jackie immediately filmed and uploaded a video where she tore him apart, deeming him a “filthy, ageist misogynist,” implying that he “abused women for sport,” along with a string of other personal, below the belt attacks. She finished it off by threatening that one of her special contacts would find him, and harm him.

It took all of two hours before her channel was terminated. Had she not been so consumed by rage, she might have thought twice about uploading such a video, but sadly, this wasn't the case. Poor Jackie.

She screamed out “No, no, noooooooo!” as the page where her hundreds of thumbnails used to be had gone a bleak white, with a little line at the bottom in small blue type reading “this channel has been terminated.”

Jackie hissed “You Bastard!!... Mark my words, you will PAY for this, you rotten PIECE OF SHIT!!!” Then she slammed shut her laptop screen.

She reached for her phone, and speed dialed Geoff.

"Geoff?... It's Mum. Listen, I don't wish to alarm you, but my gullet is playing up again. Could you come over, because I think I might need to go back to hospital."