Confidence

I didn't like Kevin. He was very slow, in every way. He wasn't that smart. His reaction speed was terrible. He could only move at about two feet per second, and that's when he was running. He was like a sloth. This bothered me even more than if I was just someone who knew him.

That's because I was his teacher.

My story begins on an average Tuesday. I was asking Kevin a math question. Math was especially painful. Normal kids take a time to do it. Kevin took about 10 minutes.

 "Who knows what nine times eight is?" I said. I looked at Kevin. You could almost see the cogs starting to turn in his head, processing the large amount of seven words. 

He started to raise his hand. That took about two seconds.

 "Kevin?" He looked up at the ceiling.

 "Kevin. Nine times eight." He looked at me.

 "Umm... may-maybe... no, wait." He stuttered. He looked back up at the ceiling.

 "Kevin, if you do not answer the question soon I am going to ask someone else!" I said, a little louder than I meant to.

He looked at me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

 "Look, Kevin, I'm sor-" I opened my eyes.

I look at the teacher. She looks frustrated but sad at the same time. I've never felt two emotions at the same time. That would be too much for me. The teacher says that I'm not like the other kids. I'm different. Sometimes I wish I wasn't different. I feel like I'm trapped sometimes, because I can't raise my hand before the other kids do, and I don't know why. Because I can't do math as fast as them, and might never be able to.

 "-ry." What was THAT? Did I just... turn into Kevin? I'm glad you'll never make a trip into Kevin's brain. It's just as slow as the rest of him and it's painful. The poor kid. Two emotions are too much for him? I felt bad. Really bad. So I gave him as much time as he needed. And he got it right on the first try. He just needed to take his time.

***

I went home and flopped on the couch, trying to absorb what had happened to me. Now I had found and settled on my first question. What had done it? I figured that it had been triggered by me yelling at Kevin. But what was triggered, and who put it there? After a while of puzzling, I gave up for the night and went to bed. It was only six o'clock, but I was just too tired for anything else. I closed my eyes and drifted into...

I lay on my bed, wide awake. After class, the teacher had taken me to her office. She told me that she was proud of me for getting all those math answers right and that it didn't really matter how long you took to do something, if you got it right, that's enough.

 "Even if you took a thousand years?" I had asked. She laughed.

 "Maybe not that long." She said, "But a pretty long while."

I couldn't believe she was proud of me even though I took so long. No one had ever said that to me.

 "Time to go now, Kevin." She said.

 "Bye, Miss Teacher," I said. She smiled.

 "Miss Meijer, remember?"

 "Oh, yeah. Bye, Miss Meijer."

 I walked to the school bus with a smile on my face.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. I didn't have time to consider that strange dream I had or how it made me feel. I changed, got some breakfast, and headed out the door. Wednesday means the solar system. 

I thought as I got into my car and got out my supplies bin. 

Middle ages, energy, solar system! I took the file out of the bin and put the bin back.

***

After an introduction to the solar system, all the kids went out to recess. Recess, I thought, what a government name for playtime. Wait, I didn't think that. Was that... Kevin? I looked for him among all the children. There he was, on the swings. He was looking up at the sky, which he did when he was thinking. 

Did I just intercept his thoughts?

If so, was Kevin smart enough to think about that? To think about the government and its boring names for everything?

Maybe his intellect isn't as slow as his thoughts. 

The thing is, Kevin is only 7 years old.

Kevin got off his swing and started to try to play tag with the other kids. I went outside to watch.

He was trying to catch another kid since he was "it", but, as I mentioned before, he was too slow.

 "Go, Kevin, go!" I shouted. He looked at me and smiled. And then, something very interesting happened, maybe even miraculous.

Kevin focused on the kid he was chasing. He looked at her just like he looked at the sky. And then, he began to run. He ran about two times as fast as usual. And he caught up with the girl. The girl looked amazed at what just happened. All of the kids did. I called them back inside. When Kevin passed me I congratulated him. After that I noticed Kevin raising his hand more. He also got more questions right.

Wow, I'm on a roll! I think. I'm getting so many questions right it's crazy. Plus I ran so fast that I finally caught someone. Are my answers getting faster? Every time I get an answer right, the teacher smiles at me, like she knows what I'm thinking, and shares in the joy of it.

He's right, his answers are getting faster. Even his thinking is.

***

It was Thursday. The kids were in recess and they were playing dodgeball. Out of all games, Kevin was the worst at dodgeball. Like I've said before, he has terrible reflexes. But today he was, to be most accurate, killing it. Throw, dodge, catch. Throw, dodge, catch. It was incredible. I've never seen a seven-year-old so good at dodgeball. I even got the joy of being in the head of such a legendary player.

The ball comes toward me. I watch it. It seems to be in slow motion. I grab it out of the air. Out. I throw it. It hits someone. Out. Something's about to hit me. I casually step out of the way, reach out my hand, and catch it. This is the most fun I've ever had.

Now Kevin owns a large corporation. He's a very good friend. Everything about him is sharp, quick. He's smart, he dresses well, he has excellent reflexes, he is an amazing athlete. His thoughts are probably faster than most people now. 

He's also, and this may sound slightly weird, my husband.

All he needed was a little confidence.