You Should Be Happy

Every weekday morning Angela drops her husband at the train station and watches as the 7:10am train pulls away from the station. Within minutes the platform is empty and the train is headed westbound into the city. Angela clears her throat and promptly drives home to eat breakfast and change into her work attire. Somedays it is a dress, other days it is a skirt and blouse, always with heels. The minute Florence, their nanny, arrives Angela hands off Lily and returns to the train station to catch the off peak 9:10 train. Angela has her spot she likes in the fourth car. Her seat is always a window seat, usually on the left side of the isle, three rows in if it is free. She prefers the two seaters facing forward as opposed to the three seaters where someone gets stuck in the middle. And sitting backwards is not an option for Angela with her motion sickness. Angela smiles and breaths in the morning aromas of coffee, newspapers and cologne. She looks out her window and watches as they pass thru the different towns noticing something new every morning. She feels the rush of cold air from the open doors at each platform. She observes the other commuters on the train and sees many of the same people day to day. She does not know them by name, but she has made up stories for the regulars; the smiling dentist, the real estate broker in his fancy suit, the banker with his monogrammed brief case, the aspiring actress hoping to catch her big break. Angela wonders who people think she is; an executive, a lawyer, a fashion designer. She loves the feeling of being anonymous on the train, but just in case one of her nosy neighbors is aboard Angela carries the morning newspaper to hide behind. 

The weekday morning conductor’s name is James. He and Angela have become friendly over the past few months. He compliments her on her new pale blue peacoat this morning. Angela smooths her long brown hair that is pulled back into a tight bun. She has shared bits and pieces with James about her job as a journalist at the newspaper. The long hours, the last minute changes, breaking news stories. “Never a dull moment” she tells James. She is currently working on a “big piece” that will be in next week’s paper. He is envious hearing how exciting her job and life are compared to his dull routine.

Angela takes in every minute of the forty-six minute ride into the city. Sometimes she imagines the train is taking her to Paris or London on a secret get away. Maybe she is on an overnight train and she is about to retire to her sleeper cabin after a nightcap. Angela puts her head back and smiles. The possibilities are endless on a train.

Angela always catches the 2:10 train home in time to relieve Florence at 3:00. Her mood is different on the commute home. She is somber and quiet. James’ shift has ended and she does not know the afternoon conductors. She picks a window seat and watches the city get smaller and smaller as the train heads east. Angela can physically feel the dread in her stomach heading towards home and her mundane chores; afternoon playtime, bath, dinner, picking up Will. Meeting Will’s train is probably her most dreaded chore of the day. He makes the 6:10pm train home unless he has a work dinner, and Angela and Lily wait in the line of cars with the rest of the wives with freshly applied Maybelline lipstick on. Children are bathed and in their pajamas in the backseats excited to see their fathers. Will gets into their station wagon, a gift from his parents, eager to share stories from his day; client meetings, long lunches, running into a friend on the street. The minute Angela pulls into their driveway without fail Will turns to her and asks, “So, what did you two do today?” Angela wants to scream. She makes up a story about a luncheon with ladies from the neighborhood. Tonight she throws in what the hostess served, tea sandwiches that were dry, for good measure.

One rainy Thursday Angela is walking up 5th Avenue towards the Met to see a new exhibit and she sees Will and he sees her. The last person she had hoped to see and exactly why she picked this neighborhood to walk around knowing his office was in midtown. 

“Angela, what in the world are you doing in the city? And all dressed up?”

“I was invited to the new Met exhibit last minute by one of the mothers I met at the library. I told you I would be in the city today. You must have forgotten.”

“I guess I must have.” Will looked confused 

“What are you doing on the Upper East Side?”

“I have a meeting on East 85th Street at 11:00 with a potential client.”

“Ok, well I should run along so I am not late. I will see you at the train this evening.” Angela kisses Will goodbye on his cheek and goes on her way leaving Will standing alone. He is positive she did not mention coming into the city today.

It has only been three months since Will and Angela moved out of the city. Angela’s parents have come to spend Christmas with them to see the new house and of course, their only granddaughter. Florence is home visiting her family in Ohio so Angela has not been out of the house for what seems like forever. Angela tries to muster up a smile for her mother while the two are in the kitchen making French toast. 

“I know you still miss your old job at the newspaper Angela, but you have Lily and a beautiful home to take care of now. And you have Florence so you can play tennis, shop, go to lunch. You know, when I had you I was home without any help. You should be happy.” 

With tears welling up in her eyes Angela excuses herself and tells Will she needs to run to the store for milk. She grabs her coat, purse and car keys choosing not to hear Will when he tells her the store is closed on Christmas. She heads to the train station and runs to make the train that is pulling into the station. Angela is alone on the train except for a family going in to see the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. She stares out the window from her seat as James comes through the train’s car and sees Angela. 

“Merry Christmas! I am surprised to see you today!”

Angela looks at him and grins “A breaking story calls!”