Fixer-Upper

Alice walks the hallway every day and feels a strange sense of longing. Where is everyone? She walks up to the first door in the hallway. Open, look, empty, close. The next door. Open, look, empty, close. Repeat. No one is home. The rooms are in disrepair. Windows are broken and wallpaper is peeling but Alice doesn’t feel the breeze coming in, can’t see the mold exposed by the missing wallpaper. She goes down the grand staircase, the alternating oak and black walnut stairs are broken and missing in some places. The banister is splintered, balusters are falling out, but Alice can’t see it for what it is. Alice can only see things the way she remembers them. She walks through the former living room, past beautiful antique furniture that only exists in her mind and settles next to the fireplace. Hand painted tiles chipped, broken, gone completely, look perfect to her, just how she remembers them. This is her favorite place in the house, so why does she feel so sad? She closes her eyes and let’s despair wash over her. Where is everyone? She feels nervous, sick to her stomach. Something inside of her knows something bad happened, but she can’t recall it clearly. It was just there, the knowing, and she lost it, a train of thought gone before it arrived. Alice sits there all day waiting for her family. As the sun begins to set it kisses the clouds creating hues of pink and purple. The setting sun makes Alice feel lonely and confused, no one has come home yet, and she doesn’t know why.

Alice picks herself up from in front of the fireplace and climbs the stairs to her room. She is exhausted, it feels like every ounce of energy has left her. Alice falls onto a four-poster bed, the wood burned in places she doesn’t see and shuts her eyes, regaining strength to walk again tomorrow.

***

The Italianate style Victorian mansion stands alone at the end of a winding drive. Its pitched roof is missing several shingles, and the bay window has broken panes of glass. The once ornate façade is rotting away but to Kelsey it’s captivating. The three-story tower, the porch that wraps around almost the entire house, small balconies under second and third story windows, everything about this house makes her swoon. She has always dreamed of renovating an old home and this is the perfect opportunity to make her dream a reality.

 It doesn’t take much convincing to get her husband, Chris, on board. He is a construction foreman and more than confident he can fix up any home, plus his dream is to make her happy and living in a beautifully renovated mansion seems like a lifetime guarantee of happiness. The size of the house means they will never have to move, plenty of room for a growing family, a perfect forever home.

They move in after several months of renovations. Chris and Kelsey settle into their daily routines. Kelsey loves the home, and all the work Chris has done to bring it back to its former glory is paying off. Nights like tonight should be perfect, the two of them curled up on the couch, enjoying a fire in the newly restored fireplace. It’s spectacular and more than she could ever ask for, she should feel lucky, but instead she feels uneasy. There is a heaviness in the home that Chris doesn’t seem to feel.

“Chris” Kelsey hesitates, not sure how to say what she needs to. “Um, I’m not really sure how to explain it but sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe when I’m in our bedroom.”

“Can’t breathe? Where is your inhaler? Is it your asthma? I just changed the furnace filter but we still need to schedule a vent cleaning so the air could be kind of dirty, we did kick up a lot of dust doing renovations too.” Concern crosses Chris’s face. He knows that Kelsey is asthmatic, and she pushes herself too far sometimes. One of the things he loves about her is her strong work ethic and the fact that she isn’t afraid to take on any challenge, but he hates her tendency to put her needs on the backburner when life gets busy.

“No, it’s not my asthma, it’s something else. When my asthma is acting up, it doesn’t just go away when I leave the bedroom. This feeling does. As soon as I leave our room, I immediately feel better.” She knows that Chris doesn’t believe her. She probably wouldn’t believe it either if Chris was telling her this. The symptoms sound just like asthma, heavy chest, can’t breathe, heart rate skyrocketing, sometimes coughing and wheezing, but she knows her body and she knows that isn’t it. Something else is making her feel like that.

“That is strange, babe. I’ll check out the vents in our room and make sure they aren’t super dirty. I’ll get someone out here next week to do the whole house.”

“Nothing like that has happened to you?” Kelsey asks even though she knows the answer is going to be no. He isn’t taking her seriously. Damn asthma.

“Um, no? Why would that happen to me, I don’t have asthma?”

Kelsey suppresses an eyeroll. “I told you, it’s not my asthma, I guess I was just checking that you don’t feel weird in our bedroom. It just feels like bad energy in there, you’re sure you haven’t noticed anything?”

“No, I feel completely fine. I mean, I’m tired and sore from working so hard on the house these past few months but nothing unexpected.”

Kelsey decides to drop it. This conversation isn’t going anywhere and it’s making her more anxious. Why am I the only one who can feel it? “Yea, you’re right babe. I’m probably just stressed out. I’m going to go take a bath.” Kelsey heads upstairs and feels a heaviness in her chest as she crosses their bedroom and shuts the master bathroom door.

***

Alice leaves her room and walks to the first door in the hallway. Where is everyone? She opens the door enters the room and looks around. Empty. She moves to the next room, empty too. The familiar feeling of longing settles in her as she finishes checking each room. Alice stands in the hallway, grief consumes her. Where is everyone, why do I feel so scared? I just want to find my family. Not knowing what else to do she heads downstairs to sit next to the fireplace, just like she does every day.

***

Chris had to leave early this morning for work, so Kelsey is alone in bed when she wakes with a start. She heard their bedroom door close. She knows she heard the door. Kelsey’s heart starts pumping too fast and her chest tightens with anxiety. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe. Kelsey feels bile rise in her throat and it makes her start coughing.  Fear paralyzes her in place for a moment before she gathers enough courage to get up and look down the hallway.

Kelsey sees the bedroom door down the hallway open and close. She doesn’t believe it. The door opens and closes again. The next bedroom door opens and closes. Nope! That’s not dirty air vents. That’s a ghost! Kelsey feels equal parts terror and vindication. I KNEW something was going on here! I KNEW IT! How am I going to tell Chris? He isn’t going to believe me.  

Kelsey runs to grab her cell phone and call Chris. He’s got to come home, now. She paces back and forth across the living room, steps away from Alice, who sits next to the fireplace, both unaware of the other.

***

Chris storms through the door like a wild man. “Kelsey! Kelsey! Where are you, what’s going on? Are you okay? You sounded hysterical on the phone. What happened?”

“Chris, I’m in here!” Kelsey shouts from the living room.

Chris runs through the foyer and into the living room. Kelsey gets up from the couch and meets him with a hug. They can’t see Alice sitting right next to the fireplace, listening to every word.

“I’m so glad you came home. I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t think I can stay here anymore!” It’s clear she’s been crying. Her eyes are swollen, her face is bright red.

“What are you talking about you can’t stay here, Kelsey? We have got to stay here! All our savings has gone into fixing this place. I thought it was your dream?” Chris knows she is really upset so he tries to hold back his frustration while he listens to her.

She tells him about the bedroom doors opening and closing. “There is a ghost here, Chris! I know that’s what’s going on, that’s why I can’t breathe sometimes, it’s got to be related, I’ve never felt like this before we moved here.”

Chris responds with a noncommittal “Hmmm.” He doesn’t believe in the paranormal, but he knows that someone did die in this house. In a fire no less. Smoke inhalation would cause trouble breathing. Could it be that Kelsey is experiencing the feelings of the girl who died here? No, that’s crazy, things like that don’t happen in real life. He knows he should bring this up even though he doesn’t think that’s what is going on. “Well, I guess it could be Alice?” Chris winces in anticipation of her response.

“Who is Alice?” The blood drains from Kelsey’s face and she looks like she could be sick.

Chris shifts his weight awkwardly. I regret bringing this up. I shouldn’t have said anything. “The girl who died in that fire.” Chris looks down unable to maintain eye contact with Kelsey.

“What girl, what fire, what are you talking about? Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that before?” Kelsey can feel her skin getting hot and her heart rate begin to rise. “Why wouldn’t you mention a fire when I told you I couldn’t breathe sometimes?”

“Sorry, I thought you knew?” Chris rubs the back of his neck uncomfortably and takes a step towards her. “The family that built this house lost their oldest daughter in a house fire. No one else was home at the time. It was too late to save her by the time they got home. I guess she had been sleeping and died from smoke inhalation by the time they found her. Look, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m sure it’s not a ghost. I’m sure everything is fine babe.” He reaches out to embrace her, but she steps back away from him.

“Everything is NOT fine, Chris! I can’t breathe and now…” Kelsey doesn’t get to finish. She is interrupted by a picture frame flying off the fireplace mantel and glass shattering. They hear the front door open and close. They stare at each other, not believing what just happened.

***

Alice doesn’t like what she is hearing but as she listens, she knows it is true. I’m dead. I died and that’s why I’m here alone. I remember now. I remember looking down at Mama leaning over my coffin, crying because I was gone. I remember not being able to move on by myself, coming back here, to the only home I’d ever known, silently living with my family until one by one they were gone too. How can I get back to them? I must go find them.

As quickly as the memories flood back to Alice, her vision of her past life fades and the room around her shifts to reality. She is standing in a living room she doesn’t recognize, furniture she has never seen fills the room, her beloved fireplace isn’t the same. Her emotions overwhelm her. She must get out. She knocks down a picture frame from the mantel as she rushes past two strangers standing in front of her. She needs to find her family.

Alice stands outside on the wrap around porch. All the grief, fear, confusion, and longing she’s been holding onto overcome her and she falls to her knees. She yearns, begs, pleads, to find her family. Please come find me, help me find you. I am ready to go now.

Alice feels a touch on her shoulder, and she looks up to see a light so bright it is blinding. She hears her mother’s voice emanating from the light. “Alice, sweetheart, I’m so sorry you’ve been alone all this time. Now that you know you can come and be with us honey, we’ve been waiting a very long time for you. Let’s go.” Alice reaches for the light and feels her mother take her hand. She is finally free.

***

It’s been six months since the picture frame and front door moved on their own. Six months since there was a blinding flash of light outside, six months of peace for Kelsey. Chris is sure it’s over now, whatever was haunting the house seems to be gone. There are no more renovations to complete, and life is settling into a new normal. One family reunited, and one family just beginning.

Chris smiles to himself as he remembers the look on Kelsey’s face when she gave him the news.

“I’m pregnant!”