Dreaming Feather Light Gifts

The days were growing shorter and colder. In the Boreal world of the Northern Hemisphere, in most places, the Sun was hitting the Earth at a less direct angle. That meant shorter, colder days and longer, frigid nights. In the tropics not too much changed. In latitudes closer to the Poles nights would become longer and in some places the long, dark night of the soul would last several months.

She wondered what endless night would feel like, and how people at those latitudes coped with the cold and the dark. She guessed that the aurora borealis must be one of the perks of the long dark. Sometimes, when the solar wind is particularly strong, you can see the northern lights in more temperate latitudes. She had seen them twice in her life in temperate zones where they are more a wash of color than the spectacular show of ionized gasses seen closer to the polar latitudes. 

Here, a few Days before American Thanksgiving festive lights were beginning to crop up everywhere. Strings of colored and white lights, candles in windows, some people even had Christmas trees already.  Chanukah would come early this year, soon there would be menorahs. November 29^th would be the first day this year. Diwali had come and gone in late October this year. She was never certain how the date for that particular moveable feast was reckoned. Solstice was fast approaching and after that the return of the light. Kwanza, also a festival of lights came after Christmas but she knew little of the meaning or traditions surrounding this holiday.

She wondered what other traditional festivals of light existed in other faiths, which led her to wonder about the Southern Hemisphere. The other side of the world was entering into Summer Solstice and very long days. She wondered several things: What were the indigenous beliefs in those regions? Did they include festivals of lights in the Austral Winter? How did the long days and warmer weather impact imported traditions?

She wondered a lot of things. What indigenous Northern festivals or beliefs were there? At what latitudes were the Aurora Australis visible? Were festivals of lights a widespread human phenomenon like the sounds babies make? Were they all associated with gift giving or offerings?

Here, in her circle of family, friends and acquaintances the holiday season meant gift giving and gift receiving. There were so many kinds of gifts and so many ways to show gratitude. Gifts were a love language that brought her both joy and pain. On some levels she enjoyed gifting and on other levels she shuddered at the practice. Gifting had always and ever been a dance between happiness and confusion for her. This year was no different, she already had so much stuff and what she craved was connection. 

She surveyed her space and the many shelves, boxes and bins filled with the love language of gifting and ached for a like minded soul. Time and experiences can be gifts as well, she mused. One year she had given the children in her life booklets of “love coupons” that could be redeemed for various adventures and experiences. Some had been used and some had not and she wondered why those particular choices had been made. It had always seemed a rewarding and fun connection when the experiences were claimed. So, there were connections to be grateful for.

Sometimes gifts are gifts to yourself, to “treat yo’self”; gifting as self care. There was plenty of that type of gifting in her boxes, perhaps too much. When she came across extra money in her life she might assuage loneliness with gifts to herself, some of which were unused or barely used. Often these gifts were shared in the service of education. 

This year she had found that cleaning could be like shopping. Which of these gifts might be most appreciated if shared this year? Her consciousness shifted to the practices of regifting type giveaways. She became curious about the Indigenous North American tradition known as a Potlatch. The Potlatch works kind of like a potluck dinner where everyone brings a dish to share and a gift to exchange. Bounty and gratitude are shared among families and extended tribe. Twice in her life at least she had encountered similar traditions. At “Christmas in the Woods” greens were gathered and little gifts were given by the hostess as a game. There was hoppin’ john and slippin’ susan… she still had some pencils in a beautiful woven case from this tradition. One year she had shared Christmas in the Woods with her boyfriend at the time, who was Cherokee. It occurred to her now to wonder what he had thought of his gift that year and of being included in the tradition. She wished she remembered what his gift had been. 

There exists gifting love language in the form of gift cards, which are an altogether different responsibility. Using them wisely as she struggled to pay bills was often a conundrum in the leanest times. Last year she had used gift cards to invest in art supplies to make things to bring income. Other years she had been more frivolous and subscribed to the “self care is not selfish” mantra and had bought treats for herself. This year investments in her art and makeup sales along with cleaning supplies took center stage. Her mind floated to a Navajo teaching she had recently seen about taking responsibility for gifts. This tradition seemed to transform the love language of gifting in5o the love language of acts of service. The way in which she often shared gifts and treats. 

This year a friend and former co worker had given her a “Blissmas” gift, a beautiful second hand necklace in what appeared to be an intricately woven grass box. Her friend had stated, “Sometimes you don’t know the meaning of a gift but you need its story.” Hmmmmm….. she thought and added a piece of unakite for strength in adversity to the box. What was the mystery story? This friend was fond of odd surprises.  Such a responsibility and a quandary this enigma.

Touchstones, jewelry, experiences, investments… next she thought about consumables. Things you eat or apply, things you use up. These can take the form of homemade things or store-bought things, even experiences. This year she already seemed to have been gifted a combination of these things. She was grateful but she wondered if here gratitude were heard of understood. 

So many wonders. So many conundrums. So many responsibilities. She thought about handmade gifts she had given and wondered how some of them had been received. Were they akin to a “big pink nightmare” and only trotted out when the spinster aunt came to visit? Did they just take up space? Occasionally her best handicrafts had been rebuffed, altered or returned and that stung. It reminded her of a sagacious saying she had once come across, “the latter end of joy is woe.” That certainly seemed true sometimes because having here labor rejected never felt good to her.

Then there were workplace and school gifts “Secret Friend” or “secret Santa” type stuff. . It was strange how often in her life workplace and school were interchangeable. Usually equality was ensured by mandating a cap on spending. Sometimes there were games of “white elephants”, little frivolous trick or treat gifting games. The trick was to identify the treat. These gifts were to be used or cherished or paid forward. 

She giggled a bit at the thought of a fruitcake that had been making the rounds for decades. She wondered how long such a preserve kept and remained edible. She had written an “essayette” about just such a concept one year. She could not for the life of her remember if she had published it in her school’s literary magazine or if it were just stored in one of the laptops she never recycled. She marveled at the gift of laughter. 

Sometimes gifts are really for the giver. She was put in mind of lingerie. There were times she enjoyed sharing this gift with her lovers or even with herself. But time and trauma had robbed her of the pleasure she once took in physical touch and just when she had started to reclaim that power she realized good health was a gift. 

Gifts can also refer to talents. How we share our aptitudes constitutes an interesting wonder and can be wrapped up with all the other types of gifting. Are the talents well received or rebuffed? Does the giver ever really know? in this sense gifts are like art, they are open to interpretation once released. A metaphorical Pandora’s box? Magical. 

She held the gift awkwardly, took a deep breath and inwardly chanted a mantra to clear her recalcitrance; “Thank you for this moment”. Momenta are all any of us are really given she knew, so she’d make the most of this one. An interesting quote she had read as attributed to a buddhist thinker also popped to mind

               The past is history

The Future is a mystery

Today is a gift…

That’s why we call it the present

She closed her eyes briefly and decided to find gratitude in the surprise. She pulled the ribbon and revealed…