Adrift

Rowan gazed out of the window, trying to calm his breathing. He had been roused by his nightmares.

The ocean came into view amidst the darkness of the sky. He could distinctly hear the waves. He decided to go for a run to the ocean. The water was a calm midnight blue, save for the whiteness of the crashing waves.

Rowan stilled and sat down on the sand, away from where the waves were licking the shore. He extended his legs and simply watched. This was becoming an unwelcome routine.

Until he saw a lone soul, illuminated by the sunrise. The person had perched on a black rock in the water.

It was a young man, half-naked and wet, hands braced behind him. Rowan found himself drawn to him.

He got up and started walking as close as the dry sand would allow, never once taking his eyes off him. The arch of his lean back. The long strands of his damp hair, clinging to the base of his neck. He stopped, facing the man's back, not taking a step into the water. He watched in wonder.

The man turned his head around suddenly as if sensing another presence. Wide-eyed, he gasped and dove into the water.

"Wait!" Rowan shouted. "I didn't mean to startle you!"

Several moments passed before the man surfaced from the water beside the rock, only his eyes peeking out. Rowan stifled a smile.

"I didn't mean to startle you," Rowan said again, looking at the man's expression, the dislike of being sneaked upon evident.

"Nobody comes to this side of the beach, so I was surprised..." Rowan trailed off. The man continued to look at him with caution. "I'll go."

And yet, he was rooted to the spot, charmed.

The corner of Rowan's lips tilted up slightly. "The water must be cold. Aren't you freezing?"

He didn't answer but shook his head.

So he can understand me, Rowan thought, backing away from the water. "Mind if I stay here?"

The man didn't respond. Rowan settled down on the sand. The sun was almost fully out.

Then, a voice. Soft, hesitant and accented. "Your... shore?" The way the man said the words was as if he was not used to it. "This…your shore?"

"My shore? No, it's not."

The man in the water frowned. "I am not allowed. Sorry."

Rowan shook his head. "No, it's not like the ocean belongs to someone."

"Water...is home."

"Not always."

"It is home always," the man said indignantly.

Rowan asked, "What's your name?"

Silence followed.

Rowan cleared his throat. "My name’s Rowan. I belong to the village nearby."

More silence followed, until the man spoke. "Saros."

"Saros?"

"My name."

"Saros..." Rowan said. His eyes gazed at him intensely. Hair dripping wet at his neck. Skin that was many shades lighter than Rowan's dark olive tone.

"I'll... go now." Without another word, he started walking back the way he came.

Saros from the rock called out to him in an uneasy voice. "Wait!"

He stopped in his tracks.

"Rowan..." Saros said softly. Rowan might have missed the word because of the overpowering sound of the waves around them. He turned around and waited.

"Don't tell anyone," Saros said. "Please."

Rowan stared at Saros. "I won't. And…you should dry yourself before you catch a cold." He continued to walk towards his home.

Staring at the back of the retreating stranger, a little chuckle escaped Saros' lips, his eyes bright.

***

When morning came, he thought about the mysterious Saros of the rock as he worked. Thoughts of him had occupied his mind until he eventually slept and then again when he awoke, tingeing his actions with some excitement.

The evening was almost upon him as he walked towards his home in the outskirts of the village. But his instincts pulled him into a slightly different path.

Being an honest man at heart, he couldn't lie to himself. He was curious about Saros. He walked back to the same place, near the rock. Saros was nowhere to be seen.

Rowan plopped down on the sand on his back. He put his arm over his eyes, sighing.

The sky darkened as the sun started setting and some time passed before he heard movements in the water. His eyes shot open, and he quickly sat up.

And there was Saros in the water, his wet hand on the rock.

Rowan exhaled sharply. He crossed his legs. "Where were you?" he asked, loud enough to be heard across the water.

"Here..." He glanced at the blue expanse.

"At the ocean? You must really love it."

Saros lowered his head slightly, as if embarrassed. Rowan could've sworn he was blushing. "And you?" Saros said.

"Me?"

"Where were you?"

"In the village. Working."

After a pause, Saros asked, "Did you tell your people?"

"About you? No. I promised."

Saros' hand slipped away from the rock, and he looked down into the water as he slowly asked, "Why...are you here? Again?"

The truth came out in a breath. "I wanted to see you."

Saros looked back at him and then away.

"Sorry…" Rowan awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. "I only speak my mind."

Saros smiled slightly just then. "That’s fine."

Rowan smiled back. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"You are not from around here?"

"I am not."

"Where do you come from?"

Saros looked at the horizon. "Far away."

"Why are you here?"

"I-I was looking for my people."

"Your family is here?"

"Only I am here." Saros' voice was sad.

Rowan tilted his face. "Is that so bad?"

"You ask many questions."

"Oh…Sorry."

A big wave crashed on the shore, causing the water to come really close to where Rowan was. He eyed it cautiously.

"Are you afraid of the water?" Saros asked, noticing.

Rowan was surprised. "What?"

"You avoid touching it."

"Oh." Rowan looked at the point where the waves lapped on the shore, setting his jaw. "Rather than fear, I have no love for it."

"Yet you come here."

Rowan didn’t explain further.

"I want to stay," Saros said. "For some days before I leave. Is that... fine?"

"You're asking for permission?" Rowan asked.

"Yes."

"You don't have to. The ocean has a mind of its own. Like I said, it doesn't belong to anybody."

The wind started to blow, a little stronger than before.

"Do you have a place to stay?" he asked.

"I told you. Water is home," Saros answered.

"But you need shelter."

"I can't go on land."

"If you don't have a place to stay, I can –"

"No... you don't understand. I can't."

Rowan narrowed his eyes. "But –"

Before he finished his sentence, Saros dove into the water and disappeared.

"Saros? Saros!" Rowan called out, worried. "Come back!"

He didn't.

***

The darkness of the night came. Rowan opened his window and was greeted with wind. The sky was cloudy, the trees swaying with more movement than usual. The wind was very strong. Soon, it started to rain.

A storm was brewing.

He wondered if Saros was safe.

"I can't go on land," Saros had said.

Rowan tried to ignore the sounds of rain.

But it didn’t last. He grabbed a jacket and stepped out into the storm.

The rain hit him hard and cold. He ran to the shore as fast as he could.

At the sight of the raging ocean, his limbs froze as his past caught up to him.

Lightning flashed and everything was illuminated. It was then that he saw the unmistakable figure of Saros far away in the water, right before a huge wave fell on him.

"Saros!" Rowan screamed. His eyes widened in horror as he looked at Saros' limp body floating in the water.

Without any doubt, Rowan plunged in.

He swam hard towards Saros. The waves restrained him and tossed him around. He couldn't see Saros anymore and feared the worst.

All of a sudden, a memory flashed.

The ship. The cries. The icy water. The shivering.

The fear.

Rowan went still.

The ocean took him down under, water filling him, choking him. He struggled for a while but soon started to lose consciousness. He heard a distant sound. The only thing he could feel all around him was the cold and the tangible black.

The last thing he saw was something coming towards him underwater.

***

Rowan spit out water, gasping for air. He looked around in panic and saw Saros at his side. They were on land.

"Sa – you –" Rowan tried to say.

"Shh," Saros hushed him. "Don't try to speak."

"You're – you're all right."

"Idiot!" Saros shouted, incredulous. "What in the name of all oceans did you think you were doing, going into a storm like this? You want to die!"

Rowan put his head down, feeling boneless and relieved. "I thought – you drowned."

"You drowned," Saros hissed. "Yet you worry for me?" He groaned loudly. "I don't know enough words in this language to say what a stupid human you are! Trying to save someone like me who knows the water better than you!"

"What?" Rowan asked feebly.

"Look at me, Rowan."

"I... am."

"No, I mean look at me." Saros gave a pointed look in the direction of the rest of his own body.

Rowan looked. And he couldn't believe it.

Saros was naked till his waist, his skin almost luminescent. But from his lower waist, there was a huge tail. Not legs and feet of a human, but a tail of a fish.

He looked up in wonder into Saros' deep eyes.

"Wow," he breathed, awestruck. "You are... beautiful..."

The sight of Saros' eyes widening in surprise was the image he carried as his consciousness slipped.

Saros sighed. He carried him along the water until they reached a tiny cave near the rocks. Saros pulled him in with all his might. The rain didn't reach them inside there. He stayed next to Rowan, exhausted and feeling a stinging, sharp pain from his tailfin.

He looked down at Rowan's face. Their appearances were so different from each other. He had a chiseled, angular face. He was bigger than Saros. Saros softly removed the hair from his face. His cheeks warmed.

The human named Rowan was curious and honest. Stupid, insane and...kind.

And now, he had seen him. But Saros inexplicably trusted him.

He removed Rowan's jacket and laid it on top of him. He went to the edge of the cave, dropping into the water. He watched over Rowan.

***

Rowan blinked as rays of light hit his face. Slowly, he got up, groaning. He looked around him, seeing rock walls. And then he remembered. The storm. Saros. Tail. Was it a dream?

"It was not a dream," said a voice nearby.

Rowan found Saros in the water, resting his chin on his folded arms at the mouth of the cave. Saros peeked his blue tailfin out from the water.

Rowan gasped. "Unbelievable..."

He came further inside to sit on the rocky floor with his tail in water. He took in his golden brown hair and seagreen eyes.

"I brought you to this dry cave" Saros explained. "How do you feel?"

"I feel fine. Thank you."

"It's fine."

"For saving my life."

"It is my duty to help fools," he said, making Rowan wince. "But…thank you. For coming to help."

Rowan shook his head. "I really didn't do anything except cause trouble for you. Are you fine yourself? You looked like you were hurt when I found you."

"Oh, that... It was because my tail is injured. So I was overcome by the waves."

"You're injured?"

"Yes." Saros pushed his hair out of his eyes as he looked at Rowan. "I'll tell you my story. You…will listen?"

"Of course." Rowan sat next to Saros.

"I was traveling with my family. Before winter comes, we swim to warm waters. But in the middle of our journey, we were caught in a maelstrom. I got hurt."

Saros pulled his tail again. A part of the tailfin was tattered, and there was a big cut on the tail.

"That looks bad," Rowan said, worried.

"Yes, it was painful to swim to this shore. I was separated from my people. I can swim short distances, but it is dangerous now to try swim any further." Saros looked at his tail as he spoke. "It is hard to swim for a long time with these injuries. I found this quiet land and thought I would rest and let my tail heal before I go. My family knows I live, they are waiting for me to join them. It will be…fine."

They sat quietly next to each other for a few moments.

"It must have been hard," Rowan said.

Saros looked down into the water, at their reflections in it.

Rowan softly touched Saros' hand with his fingertips. Saros didn't pull back. He lowered his eyes as Rowan's hand slid onto his, cheeks flushing.

Rowan decided to go back to his house, get changed and eat something before going to work. But they had to first get back to the shore.

"Uh..." Rowan said, looking at the water below him.

"Come," Saros said. "The water is calm. I will be there to help you."

After a pause, Rowan said, "Alright."

Slowly, he descended into the water. As he felt the coolness around him, he knew he was not going to make it, until Saros came to his side. Rowan was mesmerized by his grace. They swam, Saros holding Rowan, and they reached the shore.

A promise to meet at sundown.

***

They sat next to each other in comfortable silence. The sun began to set. It was silent, except for the waves, the birds returning home, the wind, their breathing.

"Rowan, why do you fear the water?"

Rowan simply said, "I don't."

"You do. Yet you jumped in to help me."

Rowan was silent.

"You lie,” Saros said. “You look at the ocean like it is a grave."

"I wasn't always…scared of the water. I used to love it. My family too."

"Your family?"

"Yes, my mother and father, my little sister. My mother was a sailor, my father a fisherman. My sister and I played in the water." He smiled, remembering. "There was a time when I wanted to become a sailor like my mother. It was...peaceful. Happy."

Rowan looked down at the sand in front of him. "One day, we were on a ship, but we didn't know we were walking right into hell. The small ship stood no chance. We got stuck in a hurricane and...my parents and sister drowned."

Saros put a hand on Rowan's knee, cold against warm.

"I don't know how I survived. I still get nightmares. There were times I wished I had drowned with them that night."

"Don't. Don't say that."

Rowan smiled softly. "That was years ago, I'm fine now. Except for…the water. "

Saros pulled Rowan's face to his shoulder, caressing the back of his head. They were embracing, awkward, nervous. "You have a friend in the waters. It is home.”

Rowan closed his eyes and breathed in his scent, tenderly touching his chest, his abdomen, and then his tail. The scales were slippery and cool to touch.

Meanwhile, Saros' hands were having a little exploration of their own. He wove one hand into Rowan's hair while the other slipped under the bottom of his shirt, splayed across his warm skin. He let out a soft sigh.

"I like...your warmth," Saros whispered.

"I like your tail," Rowan said. And then they started to laugh uncontrollably, falling on each other and unable to breathe.

Laughter ceased as they fell back on the sand, feeling at peace.

They talked about the stars, their dreams, their childhood. There was no storm that night, save for the ones in their hearts.

***

The next day, Saros took it upon himself to help Rowan get used to the water again. For the next few days, Rowan tried to swim in the shallow side of the ocean with Saros right by his side guiding him through.

Rowan was surprised to find himself swept along by Saros, laughing, playing and embracing.

"You lied to me again, Rowan," Saros had said once while they were in the water near the rock with their bodies intimately close, facing each other and breathing each other. Saros had been gazing at Rowan's bare skin, the way the seawater streamed down his contours and edges. He had whispered, "You really do love the ocean."

The nightmares started to reduce the more he embraced the water and Saros.

A few days later, during another sunset, they were sitting at the mouth of their cave. Saros' silence was grave.

"There...there is no time," Saros spoke sadly. "Rowan...I have to go back to my family. I feel like I can't lose you. I don't want to..."

Rowan leaned in wordlessly, touching Saros' hair and pulling his waist close. The feel of Saros' cool naked skin sent a thrill through him.

Slowly, achingly, Rowan brushed his lips against his.

"I wish you wouldn't leave," Rowan whispered.

Saros gripped Rowan's sleeves. "I wish you came with me." He feverishly joined their lips again.

The next day, no matter how many times Rowan called out his name, Saros didn't spring out of the water. His knees fell to the sand, his throat hoarse.

Saros was gone.

***

Meeting Saros was the beginning of his own life. Slowly, but surely, he had found his love for the ocean again.

He wanted to be out there, facing his fears, loving the ocean like before, and sailing to his freedom. It didn't matter that he was alone - there was wind in his sails, heart in his chest, and a promise in the water.

They would find each other again.