The End of All Things

###CONTENT WARNING: This story contains themes of suicide, substance abuse and domestic violence.###

I stand at the edge and the void beckons. There is nothing left. Emptiness below matches the emptiness behind. There is nothing for me here, at the end of the world; nothing except to finally let the darkness in. The silence deafens. I spread my arms and welcome the embrace of the darkness; falling, falling, falling, falling…

I walked up the mountain, and I buried my love in the snow-ice where nothing lives. My Kat, my darling Katherine, you are too soon gone from this world! I curse the knife that took you from me; may it shatter into a thousand shards and melt away into mist! May the hand that wielded it with such hatred burn in the pits of hell! You were the last good thing in my life, my only love; and now you've left me. There is only the wind that whips your frozen grave. You are gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, and I buried myself in the miasma where love goes to die. I drank, and I drank, and I drank, and I drank; I drank to silence the voices, to find peace from the condemning voices. You were one of them, though you loved me. You were one of the crawling voices in my mind. You begged me to find the surface; but you could not know that the depths gave me peace. Your voice shattered my silence, and the shards hardened, sharpened. I silenced the voices with red hands, but my peace is gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, and the wind tortured my every step. All around my head the swirling accusations deafen. “You did this!” they cry, “You killed them!” My own voice joins the fray, and it cuts deepest, for it knows the truth. “There is no saving your soul,” the wind says, “You will burn for your crime!” I have no retort for the screaming wind; I am laid bare. It rips at my chest with frozen truth-shards, but it finds no heart to tear; my heart is gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, past two gravestones in the snow-ice, where nothing lives. I dug those graves. I buried them there; or a part of me did. My sweet Pippa! My darling Steven! You deserved better than I. You were too bright for my world, and so you were snuffed out! You lit the darkness, and the darkness resented you. My little twin flames, burn me with your righteous fury! Turn me to ash and bury me under your gravestones! I scream to the wind, but the pitiless wind answers not. You are gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, an aurora of red and blue in the sky overhead; or perhaps, in the sky below. I felt as if I was climbing the mountain downward, toward hell. My world was upside down; my feet planted in the sky, my head in the glass-shard ground. Flames and choking smoke fill the air as I feel hands, like angels’ hands pull me away. Screams, screams, screams rent the air; my darling children! Light burns away at my eyes, silencing the screams forever. Gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, a blizzard-haze obscuring my path. I couldn't tell up from down; backwards from forward. Perhaps I should have stopped until it passed; you wanted me to stop, my love. But I blindly pressed forward; oh, hubris! Bloody pride! The twin lights ahead welcomed us into their fiery embrace. Screeching metal and snapping bones signal the end of us as we were; we are gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, filling my belly with warmth to shut out the shrieking cold. Despair battered my mind, blinding my eyes and dulling my reason. Warmth flows down my throat and gently tucks the pain away. I see the pain in your eyes, my love, but it doesn't matter. I see the fear in your faces, my darling children, but I am inured. You will still be here when I wake, when the despair comes back. You will still be here when the memory returns, of everything lost. It is all gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, the wind resolving into a single, terrible voice. Berating! Destroying! Everything I built came crashing down at the pronouncements of that righteous voice. I could no longer give you a life, my love. I could no longer provide for you, my sweet ones. In a moment, that terrible gale stripped it all away; it is gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, the wind whispering of sweet sin. Just a little wouldn't hurt, surely. A little indiscretion would go unnoticed. Anything for you, my love; the world for you, my sweet ones. They wouldn't notice; it would be just a drop in the bucket; a victimless crime, and we could all be happy. I could give you everything you wanted. Then the whispering wind grew louder, and the temptation grew stronger. I discovered no end, and I was powerless to stop it. I lost it all to the wind; gone, gone, gone, gone…

I walked up the mountain, free of cares and worries. I had you, my love. You, my darling ones, were waiting at home for me. Everything was right and good. Everything was stable and solid; no wind to steal, no ice to destroy. Oh foolish man! It was all stripped away in a moment! Fire burned it all away and what was left but despair and deafening silence? It is all gone, gone, gone, gone…

I stand at the edge, and the void beckons. It whispers a final embrace, here at the end of all things. I stand at the mountaintop alone, except for the cold condemning wind. There is nothing left for me. I regret everything; all I have done, all I have lo. All I had is gone. All I loved is gone. My heart has bled dry from a thousand cuts. I step into the void's embrace; falling, falling, falling, falling.