Finding I'm a solid object .

Broadway runs down to the Lake with Several stores and buildings on both sides. Most of them Closed then A marina and public pier. It seems like the world begins at the other side of the river on this side are the bars, churches, and phone stores, and closed boarded-up building that I can imagine at one time may have had flourishing businesses in them on the other side summer condos and lakefront property that I can only imagine being a part of, I suppose it's not the wealth but the lifestyle I wonder about. I can also imagine normal people saying loving sentiments to each other and meaning it, friends supporting each other, and ease of living. I often stand in the back of The candy shop and stare at it and wonder, What ifs.

Mike pushes the door open and says in his casual harsh tone, Comeon we have to finish Closing up, Get the Line cleaned off and mop the floor, I'd like to get home if that ok with you, "Slaker". All of which will be me not we.

I guess he is right the night is falling and we've been here all day. I,d like to just not be here that is my motivation to move faster. I flip my butt at the buttcan, proudly written in bold yellow letters on the front A plastic smoker's ashtray the size of a 30-gallon drum, and laugh, It always makes me laugh because of the utter uselessness of it. And then take a last glance at the other side, Smile and mumble the same word as 1000s of times before; Someday.

20 minutes later Mike is holding the door as I flip the sign around to the Closed side and turn off the neon light. Mike Smiles Knowing our exit is a well-planned event of emptying garbage cans, moving objects back into the right places, and turning off lights as a team we do every day with precise timing and accuracy a ritual that makes us both feel like we are in control and something better is on the other side of the day.

Mike walks to his car and turns and Smiles and says" Thanks Joe See you, tomorrow buddy". I've got nowhere to go so I usually sit on the bench and watch the events of the street at that point. They, I mean people never fail to amuse me. Joan paces and complains about the way it used to be one store down, The coffee shop and community center across the street is busing with well-caffeinated people I don't know all their names but we all kind of know each other small towns are like that.

The night crept in and the neon lights turn on (it) the street gets busier than in the daytime. It's the good part and bad part of the city. The drunks, degenerate, and excitement seekers men and women flow onto or into the street's nightlife.

I'm just a watcher I guess we can all say that or at least I've heard people say that about themselves in their favorite area to watch other people mostly. Some in parks or schoolyards, Some in train stations, bus stops, or even bars. Watching others is a fulfilling part of being human.

On this night a strange lesson about the people I watch would come in the form of a blackout, It's about to happen 5 4 3 2 1 Bang. The transformer on the south end of the street erupts with a thunderous boom. At first, you can feel the electromagnetics course across your body and a momentary shock envelops me. Wow-what the f-k, then a hahaha. I jumped up and stumbled forward.

Darkness and sound. not usual sound but excitement, shrieks, and fear. I looked around for a minute trying to focus And grabbed the lip of a garbage can for security. I looked down at Joan She has her hands on her head and is confused, So I run to her and put my hand on her shoulder and say its Ok I think the transformer blew. She recovers Quickly and walks abruptly into her Store mumbling " I got to find the lamps dad used to have them in here. It was odd but that's Joan.

A car light Flashes across the street momentarily turning into a nearby street and I can see all the people just looking up or walking with hands forward in the dark doing their own thing to cope.

I have a keychain flashlight. You know one of those ones that charge in sunlight. So I turn it on and walk across the street and see a young woman sitting on the walk back against the wall. She is terrified the light helps. It's probably better to stay in a group I say to her, We walk to the coffee shop where several of the patrons already have Flashlights. It's ok now, Is it, I have no idea how to talk to someone that is in fear. She bobs her head up and down and notices someone she knows and walks to them.

For the second time, it was odd, behavior I'm just an insignificant helpful stranger or that's how I felt. I move to a lamp post for safety again That's my thing, I do, I move to a solid object and hold on to it.

I noticed the dark tells on us. We all do some odd things. I look across the street and Joan is lighting lamps. The fearful one is now in the company of a trusted friend and I'm clinging to a solid object.

I'm watching everything, looking into the dark places to make sure everyone is safe. I look down the ally between the building and look across the river. The lights are on over there so I move to the back of the building and just stare for what seems to be hours.

Thinking about me and the way I am. Clinging to a Job Id rather not be at, To mike the most solid object in the darkness of a small town. staring at what I want to be like on the other side of the river.

A few years have passed. The lights came on that night like a gift from the power Gods. I walked home depressed and Promised myself to start trying harder. I've found I don't want to live on the other side of the river. What I really want is to be Something people can trust like a solid object. People can lean on me to get them through a blackout. We can complicate things at times, but it can also help a person to see more clearly in the dark that there are other ways of looking at the world rather than what is our habit or just reactive Finding your purpose is like the lights coming on.