Unrequited

There I was standing 3 feet away from everything I wanted but couldn’t have. I looked in his face, barely holding his gaze. A twinkle in his eyes as tears slowly filled them slowly. My attention was them lost to the quick reminder of the reason for him leaving. Standing directly behind him was the wood that stoked the fire of my unhappiness. Anita! Was she really the cause for all this ? Could I really blame her for Stephen's leaving? “We’ll talk over the phone from time to time,” he said, interrupting my thoughts, but before I could say a word my husband replied, “definitely bro! It won't be the same as having you here but we just have to make do.” Make do…”, I thought. “Hmmph I guess its no different from what I’ve been doing all these years. “I’m sure it will happen!” I looked up to see Anita finish that sentence with a silly smile on her face. It was at that moment I wished I could rewrite this story, but not before I gasped at what it could mean for my poor loving husband Rick.

I can still recall Stephen’s laughter the first time we met. Full of life and full of fun. I think that’s why we became instant friends. I guess in my head he had something I didn’t and I wanted to be around that. We met in secondary school. His name appeared right before mine on the class register. Stephen Hines and Georgia Holt. He was my best friend and a way of escape for me from my life then. My Mom was a single mother who worked long hours. My dad was present in my life but it would have been better if he were in the house.” Another statistic”, I thought to myself. I could see how hard Mom worked, but sometimes with three kids, hard wasn’t even good enough. I didn’t have much and most of the clothes I got from charity shops. I never dare ask for anything; being mindful of the situation… that is. In some way, I have it to thank for my thrifty ways and I now know that it matured me far beyond my years. I did, however, grow up never expressing myself and very secretive. Well look here, I think we just found another thing that followed me from my childhood. Its no wonder I’m in this mess. Had I told Stephen my feelings, maybe things would’ve been different. Or… maybe not. Courage befriended me once and I attempted to convey my feelings for him. That was short-lived as potentially severing our friendship became an unbearable and real possibility. He was the friend money couldn’t buy. I was happy because money… I didn’t have but I had him in my life until the day he didn’t show up to school.

Stephen Hines, wide-eyed wonder of a friend. Always there to bring laughter to those around him. He lived with his dad and stepmother. His real mother had died when he was five and he couldn’t really remember her. In his words “my stepmom does a great job and I’m grateful to have been given 2 mothers who love me so much.” I stared at him with awestruck jealousy. Why couldn’t I have that? No, I didn’t wish death for my father. I just wanted a very present one. Stephen had an older brother named Richard. He was 18 and was almost ready to move away for university. Ok just so you know... I married him. Yes, I mean he’s Rick. I know... you’re wondering how did this happen but wait we’ll get there. As Rick was 3 years older than us I never really hung out with him. We never really saw him around their house when I visited except for once and he only stayed with us like 10 minutes.

Stephen and I were always at their home it was better than hanging out at my house. The day he missed school, I headed straight to the house, but as I approached the driveway running as fast as I could, I crashed into his brother. "He's not here!" poured from his lips. Before I could say "where is he...", the words "we've moved", flowed like lava from a volcano destroying every green and precious thing in its path. I was stunned and heartbroken but Rick just continued yapping. "I'm just her some to get some last bits and then I'm off too", he continued. Where have you lot moved to? I said whilst trying to clear the emotion from my throat. The words Scotland rang in my ear like a clanging cymbal. Sco-o-ohhhsk (cough! ) I exclaimed whilst simultaneously catching my breath. He stared at me for a min as he could see the shock horror on my face. " uhh I have to go now mate Scotland's a long drive from Luton", he said as he popped in his banger of a VW Polo(Volks Wagon). the noise from that thing just added to the shock and confusion I felt inside. I'd lost my first love. I know what you're thinking, 'do you even know what love is at 15?' but they're my feelings ok so I'll defend them. I was even sadder because I'd lost my best friend. the fear of losing him manifested and I didn't even get to share my feelings.

Weeks rolled on to months and before I knew it I was 25. I had managed to live without contact with Stephen. He was gone from my life as if he never existed. I had just started working for a major banking company after finishing uni. I had been in my 4th year there when I a guy grabbed my arm. I didn't really recognize him. Its Richard! he said. As soon as he said that, my mind began calculating. It looked like him but he looked better. He was quite lanky when we were teens but he had beefed up a bit and grew some facial hair. My friends, he was looking very good. "What are you doing here?" I said. He then replied, "I just started working here." Rick became the reminder of the ghost of my past. My mind began wondering how Stephen was at that very moment, that and a myriad of other questions followed, all in my head of course. I dared not to ask as I didn't even ask him how HE was doing. "Georgia!" he said snapping me out of my head and back to earth. "Did you hear what I said?" he said giggling at me "let's have lunch" and I said yes without hesitation. Soon we were work friends and even after a week I hadn't asked about Stephen.

One day at lunch, we decided to sit outside. the weather was great and you know that was a rare thing in the UK (United Kingdom). before I could sit down a pigeon came and pooped right in my spot. Rick knelt down to clean it with his napkin. As he looked up from where he was, sun shining on his face he said: "how comes you haven't asked about Stephen?" He had beaten me to it. I laughed embarrassingly saying, I was about to but I've been even more delayed by pigeon poo." We both laughed and eventually, we sat down to get to the meat of the matter. Stephen was doing well from what he said. He had even gone to uni in America but now he was back and working and living in Scotland with his girlfriend. So he seems to be good I said nonchalantly. "Yeah I hope he hurries up and marries that girl too", he replied. I nearly choked on my sandwich but that way the first day of Rick's quick boiling affection for me, or so I thought.