Cat and The Fish

Don’t interact with a Catfish!

My short-lived Tale of my experience with a Catfish. He was the most aggressive one I’d ever gotten a comment from. His message was so sweet I just had to pursue him.

I posted something and this strange older man (I’m 34) commented, “Good morning beautiful woman (smiley faces with hearts) your posts wonderful. Nice to meet you I been observing some comments lately and I find you very interesting and clever, looking so charming and beautiful. I will be this happiest man on earth if only I can become friend I will be glad if you appreciate my special time, I use in writing such text. Please do me a favor by sending me a friend request. PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF AM RUDE TO YOU.”

I just thought he sounded desperate. It’s unbelievable to me someone would go for this. I checked his profile; he had professional photos of someone and the person that liked them was him. No friends. I reverse image searched him; nothing. I knew though.

So smitten I added him as a friend. At first, I didn’t take much interest. I draw and wanted to do it in my free time. I did ask him his age, and he said 60. I asked him if he had children; he lied that he had a 13-year-old daughter- Nancy.

I replied, “Called Nancy? Usually when someone introduces another they say along the lines of, ‘I have a 13-year-old daughter, and her name is Nancy.’ Saying called indicates she may have another name. What’s her birth name?”

I believe he moved on to something else, “Ok.”

He kept trying to chat during the daytime. It was getting SO bothersome. I explained to him, “I’m busy right now. I want to draw.” He continued.

He asked for my email. He really wanted to move from messenger onto Google Chat.

Then I decided I was going to write him a ‘Goodbye’ message and block him since he was being such a pest. I was going to say he sounded like he had a mental disorder that makes him extremely needy (I have a mental disorder So I can say that). I would’ve outed him as a 12-year-old little Nigerian boy. I wanted to call him ‘Little Boy’ repeatedly. “Don’t talk to strangers”.

I never sent that goodbye. I started getting IDEAS.

He was very persistent about chatting on Google Chat and I didn’t get back to him quickly on that.

“I guess you’re busy beautiful. Miss talking to you smile (emoji).”

After about 4 pics worth of screen captures of him wanting to talk to me on Google Chat, he told me to give him my G-mail NOW. I explained I don’t use mine very often. I told him I have many emails (wink) and that saying ‘now’ to me wasn’t gentlemanly. He told me sweetly he’d wait and ‘I’m waiting Sweetie’.

I may have hypothetically made a fake email- Beth Auburn born Sept. 12, 1964. He’d seen my legit Facebook already but what if he were to read her profile. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to give the email to him- if I had made a fake email. What if.

When he saw my email, “Oh.”

He sent me his and it wasn’t who I was chatting with. I convinced him to continue chatting with me and that we could use his second address on Google Chat.

“What have you been doing?”

“Drawing, I’m an artist,” I replied.

He answered, “For now all we are going to talk on Google chat and no more better for both of us.”

“Alrighty!”

He started sending me pictures of ‘Him’. I said I’d already seen those.

He replied, “I hope you like my pictures beautiful (smiley with heart eyes). I was just looking at your beautiful pictures, you’re more than an angel.”

He’d been rude prior, “You’re difficult. Sure, we’ll chat here. I’ve had this trouble with difficult guys in boarding school”. I should’ve said private school to indicate better I had money. I do not.

He was typing too fast so I told him to slow down, he said, “I’m answering you fast okay beautiful friend.”

I answered, “Just got signed out for unusual activity.”

“Oh I see I’m so sorry OK. Are you still at bed my beautiful friend?” I don’t remember what I said. He continued, “Did you see all my pictures I send you like them my dear?”

“Yeah your pictures are good but you kind of have a chubby face.”

He asked, “You no like my face?”

“It’ll do.”

He requested pictures of me, “Please send me some beautiful pictures of you Ok my beautiful friend so that I can be looking at your beautiful pictures here Ok hugs (emojis) smile (kissing emoji.)”

I sent him a pic of my mom from the 1970s. She was in 5th grade and my grandma had given her a perm.

“Oh my goodness you’re very beautiful I really do love the way you look here oh my goodness smile (hug emojis)” He hadn’t found love since his wife died. He emphasized that he was going to love me. He requested, “-glad to meet you smile, you’re going to draw me one day my beautiful friend smile (kiss emoji).”

Excitedly I typed, “Thank you, I won’t have to walk these dangerous El Paso streets every night looking for love anymore. If we don’t remain friends in the end, I hope you’ll always remember me.”

He said he would do whatever it ‘took’ to see me smile ‘Sweetheart’ and then got back to the El Paso comment, “Yes sweetie you didn’t need all that Ok I’m here for you now ok.”

“I’m afraid I can’t promise you my whole heart. There always must be room for Gator,” I explained playfully.

“You’re very sweet and special to me I just don’t want to lose you.”

“Gator is a cat.”

He asked about my fictitious cat, “He’s very old. He’s as big as a child. He’s losing a lot of fur. I mean handfuls worth. He just fucking gets it everywhere. I’m glad to finally have me time to chat instead of cleaning up after his Rotting ass. I feel so good. He was so sweet when he was younger but now, I think he only cares about himself.”

“Oh I see. I can’t wait to see it my beautiful friend I do have a very beautiful cat too and very beautiful dog sweetie.”

I teased, “I’ll tell you what. You have very handsome eyes. I really like that in a man, shiny bright eyes.”

He answered, “Thank you so much you’re making me happy. I’m telling you the truth no have ever tell me the beautiful thing since I lost my wife, I cry a lot.’

I told him I’d go chase Gator down. I went to my Ai art program I use for drawing inspiration and tried to create Gator to no avail. He sent me a picture of a cat. It may have been a mane coon, was gray and white and was very bushy. He looked exotic with high pointed ears.

I replied, “I can’t find him, but your cat bares a striking resemblance to him except Gator’s face is completely hairless. He looked like yours when I got him but 20 lbs. heavier. Unfortunately, I put him on Ozempic; he hasn’t been right since. I’ll find him later- he crawls out of his hole around the afternoon unless I have the tv up too loud.”

“Oh I see he is so funny. Do you have a dog?”

“Nah,” I replied, “Gator can’t be around other animals. I put him on Ozempic for his appetite. He has an issue with trying to eat smaller creatures. But I don’t want to talk about him anymore. I’m sorry you cry a lot since you lost your wife.”

“Oh I love I love with all my heart (more emojis, hearts). I told my daughter Nancy that the right woman that I’m going to be with forevermore and be her mom. I hope you’re going take good care of my daughter Nancy she’s going to be very happy you’re going to love her ok.”

“I don’t know what’s she look like?” I asked.

“Smile she’s so so beautiful I Will send you a picture of her right now Ok” he was gone for a little bit.

I typed, “I’m excited now. I love happy families.”

He came back a little later with a photoshopped pic of him and a 13-year-old girl. I bluntly stated, “I find her acceptable.”

It was 3 or 4 AM my time and I wanted to go to bed. I signed off calling him ‘Baby Blues’ like his eyes in those pictures he’d stolen. His new pet name!

The next day he started pestering me again and I wanted to talk at night. I have hobbies and art projects to work on. When I didn’t answer he tried to call me 4 times on Facebook.

He saw me on Facebook, chatting with my friend probably or looking at funny memes.

“I’ve been waiting for you on Google chat.”

“I’m busy I’ll talk later,” I indicated.

He answered, “I told you that you should always tex me there Ok.” A little time passed, and he added, “Ok honey please don’t stress yourself too much. Ok honey, (series of romantic emojis). Text me on Google chat OK after you what you’re doing Ok my love.”

I had to hop on Google Chat and tell him to hold his horses like so, “I’m shy and don’t want to chat on the phone (at 34 I sometimes I sound like an 8 year old child anyway).” Then I told him the unfortunate news, “My cat was attacked. I pop on to Facebook to talk with family, but I need to focus on him right now. I plan on getting on tonight.

“Gator got scared during the storm last night and he got out. He must’ve tipped over and couldn’t get up. I didn’t know and this morning saw all these buzzards outside. I took a picture not knowing where Gator was.”

I live in the south and once saw 15 buzzards go after something in the road. I just so happened to take a picture and it’s served me well.

I sent the picture of the feast over to my lover and exclaimed, “My cat’s in there!”

“Oh my goodness honey I’m so so sorry ok.”

I wonder if he meant it. I added, “I must go for right now. I’ll try to get on tonight, Baby Blues.”

“OK HONEY please take good care of yourself kisses.” And he just wanted to say more, “Honey I hope that your cat is feeling good honey I’m so so sorry about that Ok honey but I hope your cat is alive honey.”

That’s when the romantic gifs started. There were gifs of red roses and heart balloons that said love.

Hours later he texted, “Sweetheart, are you still busy baby?”

I was cooking for my real family, but I thought I’d introduce a new character- my fake dad. I insisted he give me a couple of hours. I finished up my business and got on to reveal Gator’s demise. We had a small funeral in the back yard. Gator had to be buried in a trunk, I mean a big trunk. I was going to show him some AI pics I created about my fictitious life including that funeral.

I was going to explain that we could only talk at night when my dad was sleeping because he would be mad if he found out. He’s worried I’ll take money out of my trust and support a man. Fake me paid her ex’s way through clown college. He calls it acting classes but when you put on the white face make up and the red nose you’re going to clown college.

My dad would’ve been out somedays for his ‘gal luncheons’ and then I could join the chat earlier sometimes. You see he cross dresses, stays out a long time and then I found a suspicious amount of money hidden away, taped to the underneath of each drawer of his Chester drawers hinting at the idea he’s a robber. Catfish love the moolah.

I had an AI generated image of Fake Dad. He was a manipulation of John Lithgow from ‘The World According to Garp.’ I figured out a whole back story for Dad. He was kicked out of the military for having a drag chorus group. They were disassembled by a bigoted higher up. Fake dad and his friends continued to meet in secret to write music all night while wearing girdles and panty hose. He ended up working on an Oil Rig. Oil Rig.

After Gator had passed (the same day), I was going to describe that I went out and ‘treated’ myself with a new cat that I named Nancy after his daughter. Nancy likes to hide in Gator’s old spot, his ‘hole’. It’s a passage created by Gator because his pica was supposed to be SO bad he ate through the drywall into one of the other rooms in the house. I made an AI image- the hole was perfect, two to three feet across in both directions. Not only was the cat ferociously hungry, but Gator also just didn’t know how to deal with his boredom.

When I went on for our midnight rendezvous he never showed. I was excited to tell him more things. I planned out the conversation for the night in my handy dandy notebook. I planned to tell him more about El Paso. I’d twist together the plots of the two movies ‘The Client List’ and Dolly Parton’s ‘The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas.”

I suppose he was at home sleeping, but I was too tired to stay up for him to arrive at work.

As I waited my throat began to feel tight. I thought about it and didn’t think it was right to mess with him anymore, so I blocked him and deleted my Google Chat.

That wasn’t the end of it. He found me on one of my posts of a meme about how cats can hide underneath the bed when people visit but it’s rude when I do it. He had a brand spanking new account.

“Good evening how was your day my dear I don’t understand why do you block me on Facebook.”

“I felt like it was wrong to talk to you anymore. I was catfishing you because you were going to do it to me.”

I thought that would be the end of it.

“No I will never need do anything to hurt your feeling I promise babe. Ok I’m a God fearing man baby Ok please don’t listen to anyone Ok my love for you is real Ok honey.”

He pleaded with me to keep chatting. “You’re such a beautiful woman baby I will never do anything to hurt your feeling I swear with my life God in heaven know that I’m so in love with you.” He desperately added, “baby please text me on Google chat OK you hurt me so much baby I don’t believe that going to do that to me honey please text me on Google chat now. Ok I will prove myself to you on Google chat OK I love you honey I don’t want to lose you I fall asleep last night I work so hard because of my work that’s why I was not responding to you my love please forgive me okay.”

I answered, “You’re too desperate. I was going to drag this relationship out as long as possible feeding you ridiculous stories. Don’t talk to strangers. I’ll keep doing it. I’m not going to love you or give you anything. I was going to lie my butt off for entertainment purposes since you think you had a chance. Leave women alone.”

“Please don’t do the to me honey.” And he added, “please honey don’t leave me honey please. Please text me now there’s Ok honey my love for you is real you’re going to lose the man of your dreams if you keep doing the baby.”

“I have to go live underground now with my girl pals since the apocalypse is coming. Get prepped. Stash canned food and buy seeds in bulk for the future nuclear war.”

“Okay honey please text me on Google chat ok.” He just kept on going, “Please honey text me on Google chat okay my love.”

This ended it, “l totally made up stories. Stop talking to strangers. Oh, and tell your coworkers if I forget it’s wrong to do, I’ll be waiting to waste another one of you guy’s time too. No money $$$ here. I’ll drag the relationship out for weeks. I might inform my friends on how to do this too. We’ll be waiting. Now I’m not answering you anymore. Say your goodbyes. Give it your all.”

He didn’t comment again. I reported him up and down the street. I blocked all his accounts. There’s still that temptation to contact him and say, “Hey beautiful,” but he’s not worth the time. I started this as a writing project, and it was fun. I have mixed feelings about lying that way. I’d been keeping him busy to a degree; he wouldn’t con one extra woman or an individual that may be more vulnerable.

He hacked my phone. I wasn’t surprised. When one lays down with dogs they get up with fleas.

I got excited. Then I tried to trick him again. That’s another Tale. Inevitably I had to change my eSIM card and number. Chatting with him was inconvenient.