Light from a Different Land

It was all my fault. I know it, my man knows it, daddy knows it (of course.) And the weird guy – I never got his name – knows it too. I can talk about it now, after all these years, without breaking down and crying. Let me tell you about this incident, and please, don’t hate me for it. I’m just a woman with curiosity. That’s my real sin. Wanting to know stuff.

     In the beginning, it was just me and my man and daddy living on this beautiful piece of land. Daddy had a lot of land; you would think he owned the whole world the way he went on about it. Not that we cared at all. We just had a high old time on this piece of land, and would you believe, daddy gave it to us? Just like that! Now, I had been on this piece of land my whole life and never reached the end of it, despite trying to do just that. Curiosity, you see.

One day I asked daddy how far our particular piece of land stretched out, and he gave me the look. The daddy look, as I call it. I can’t really explain it well; all I can say is that when he gave you that daddy look, you knew that you could take whatever he said to the bank. Well, anyways, he said that our land was – and I’m telling you this just as he said it – as far and wide as we needed it to be. Yeah, that’s exactly what he said.

           Naturally, I wanted to find out our boundaries. Me and my man would travel for days on end, but we never came across a fence to hem us in, or a sign that said we couldn’t go past this point, or nothing like that. I remember one time we walked for almost a year and never left our land. I reckon daddy gave us the whole world. My man claims that we didn’t deserve all this, and I guess he was right; daddy must have loved us very much to give us such a prime piece of land, even if he didn’t always show it.

I have to explain a little about daddy. He wasn’t around all that much (he said it was because he had business elsewhere), but even when he was gone, you could kind of feel his presence there. When he was there with us, he was always imparting his wisdom to us. You know what I mean; all fathers think they know everything, and they want you to know that they know it. Typical man, right?

But we put up with it, gladly, because our lives were easy-peasy. I mean, the land was so fertile that all sorts of things grew there. We had fruits and vegetables and plenty of game to kill. I’d tell my man that tonight I was in the mood for venison and he’d be back in an hour with a dead deer slung over his shoulders, all cleaned and gutted and ready for the fire. He’d tell me that he was hankering for a cherry pie and I’d go on down the slope where the cherry trees were and pick a bushel of those babies, easy as you please. They almost jumped into my hands. And you would not believe how sweet the corn was! And there was the potatoes…

           Okay, I got off track a little. Let’s just say that we had it made in the shade. It was all light and comfort. Even the nights were not so dark because the stars shone so bright. I swear, you could walk around at night and see everything in a sort of glow. The breeze was always cool and refreshing. Me and my man slept in the nude, so that breeze really hit all the spots. The days were never cold, neither. Never! I don’t know why, and I never thought about it until we didn’t live there anymore. It’s one of those things you take for granted until it’s gone.

           The weird guy would pop up every so often, but I didn’t think much of it. He had a nice smile and he seemed like he belonged there. If you knew daddy like I did, you’d just think that maybe he was there to watch over me and my man. Daddy had a way of arranging everything in our lives. I didn’t talk to the weird guy until years later, and I sure wish I hadn’t done that. We got involved.

           Before I get to the incident, I want to tell you a little about my man. He was strong. Oh so strong! He could run down a deer and break his neck with his bare hands. Sheep too, though they weren’t nearly as fast as the deer. He was kind too. Always gave me the first pick of everything. Always smiling and laughing.

           The thing is, he was never too curious like I was. He didn’t give a hoot about where the land ended, and he sure didn’t think on why we were given such gifts or why we were hear on this earth. He just wanted to live his life and make daddy happy. I think he loved daddy more than I did. That bothered me because maybe daddy loved him more than he loved me. You can see how that would upset a girl like me.

           You know, for all the light in my life, I felt that the darkness was just around the corner. I’d see the shadows on the ground and I would wonder when they would jump out at me. At us. Maybe the shadows were monsters that daddy kept under control, and I squirmed when I thought about what would happen when daddy was gone for good. My man would just laugh at my fears, saying that daddy would be around a long time, and that the shadows were just things that came and went with the sun. He was right. The sun controlled the shadows. But would that always be the case? What if the sun left us?

           I liked the nights better than I liked the days. Everything was the color of silver and blue except for the stars, and they were so white that sometimes it hurt my eyes. The breeze would tickle my skin and the leaves whispered my name; I could swear that even the moon smiled at me when I was out at night. My man never came out with me. Too bad for him, I would think. Then again, it was the one thing that was mine. Not that I minded sharing everything with my man, but it was nice to have this little thing for myself.

           The weird guy and I started out innocent enough. He would talk of this and that, about all that was out there in the world. And me, never having been off this property, felt a twinge of jealousy. The weird man told me that daddy should take us somewhere else, just to see another part of the world. It sure sounded good, knowing things other than what I learned here on this land.

           Later on we got to talking about relationships and how people took advantage of others, even when they showed a kind face. He talked about my man being a good man, but he could be better; he could listen to me more. And daddy could listen a little, too. He agreed that daddy was a splendid man and all that, but he sure liked things the way he liked them. True. Daddy never could abide someone who challenged him. The weird guy nodded, and he had a sad face, like he had some experience in this matter.

           I never told my man about the weird guy, even after we started talking. I don’t know why I didn’t. I guess it was another thing that I could call my own. At least, that’s what I used to tell myself. Now I can tell you (and my man) the truth: he was exciting. He was the bad boy I never knew I wanted, the rebel who I had never dreamed could exist in my world. He had such a beautiful smile, and he talked so pretty. I never thought that he’d lie to me.

           And he liked the nights, just like me. Said he does some of his best work at night. I struggled with the concept of work, but he explained it to me. Very odd idea – or so I thought at the time. He told me that nothing bad hides in the night like it does in daylight. I believed him. God help me, I believed him.

           After a few years, I grew tired of not knowing about what else is out there. The weird guy never pushed me, but he would often mention that wonders existed out there, things that I should experience, things I should get to know. Yeah, he was vague, but he sure was interesting. And beautiful. Now, my man is nothing to sneeze at, but he didn’t have that beautiful face like the weird guy, and he simply didn’t care to live any other life than the one we had. No curiosity. For the first time in my life, I resented my man.

           The days seemed like they were moving in on me. I would jump at a shadow and wonder when I would be swallowed up, like when the big fish swallow the little fish. I didn’t want that kind of darkness in my life, so I asked the weird guy about the shadows. He told me that we should fear them until we get to know all about them. I asked him how we could get to know them and he told me. My eyes widened in surprise. Daddy would surely disapprove. That’s a fact.

           Light and dark. Dark and light. They were reversed for me. My man thought I was going crazy because I started staying in all day and only going out at night. He was nice and kind to me, but he just didn’t understand. The shadows lived in the daylight, you see; the nighttime was a safe place for me, a place where I could be me.

           I wondered what I was. Daddy’s girl? My man’s woman? The weird guy’s friend? Did I even know what I wanted from life? These questions beat up on me every day until I just huddled in a corner until the sun chased all the shadows away. Funny thing though. I was hiding in a shadow, and that didn’t occur to me until daddy punished me. Punished us.

           If you don’t know by now, my name is Eve, and I bit the apple (it wasn’t really an apple, but the guy who wrote Genesis called it an apple, so I’ll just go with that very incomplete story he wrote.) Man, did that set daddy off!

           I persuaded my man to take a bite, despite daddy’s warning that we could do pretty much anything we wanted as long as we didn’t eat the fruit from that one tree. He said that it was poison, but the weird guy scoffed at that. He made a lot of sense, too. The birds eat that fruit, he says, and they never get sick. The worms eat the fruit and they never get sick. The ants eat the fruit…

           You get the idea. Anyway, I found out that the weird guy was really a devil. The main one, daddy said, and he tricked me. Daddy was furious, asking why I would believe the devil when he, the man who had given us everything, was disobeyed. I cried and cried and cried, explaining that I was curious about things outside our piece of land.

           Well, I got my wish, didn’t I? Daddy personally escorted us off the land, taking us to another piece of land east of here. It wasn’t as pretty, I can tell you. In fact, it wasn’t pretty at all. No fruits or vegetables were visible, and the only animals I saw were creepy crawly things called snakes and lizards. Well, my man said, at least we have a river. We can catch fish.

           Yes, my man Adam was always thinking positively. And that weird guy never showed his face again. Not to me, anyway. I here that he skulks around now, bothering others.

           I guess I better stop here. The kids are hungry and Adam looks plumb worn out from working. He ain’t as young as he used to be, and his bones ache now at the end of the day. I know it’s my fault, but daddy could have made me a little less curious, don’t you think? And maybe he should have done away with that tree before all the trouble started. I reckon it’s his fault as much as it is mine.

EPILOGUE

           Adam is done eating and he goes straight to sleep. The kids are cleaning up. I stand in the doorway of our house, watching the sun go on down. The light seems different here, but I suppose it’s just that we live in a different land now. I’m tired and I want to go to bed, but the light keeps me there.

The shadows cross the barren plains, lengthening in the late evening sun. They don’t scare me anymore.

Nothing scares me anymore.