Les Choix

Chocolate or Vanilla. Red or Blue. Door 1 or Door 2. Choices. We go through them. Everyone does. Life is full of them. If you can’t make a choice, do you even exist? Choices are scary. You’re worried that if you pick one, then it's wrong, and your whole life will go downhill. We’ve all been through it. But, what if it's a disorder? Like Dependent Personality Disorder? Or Aboulomania? How do you get through life? Yeah, I don’t know either. I’ll take you through it. 

Your family rented a castle Airbnb for spring break. You go inside and see that it's one beautiful castle. You go around and find that there are 4 rooms. Your parents chose the master room, and they ask you to choose a room to stay in. Room 1 has one huge bedroom and a small bathroom. Room 2 has a small bed but a large shower. Room 3 has a small bed with a jacuzzi in the bathroom. Which one do you want? You don’t know. Each room has a pro and a con which makes you feel indecisive. Your parents are telling you to pick the room quickly. You hesitate. You're standing there, waiting for your brain to send down a signal. You can’t choose. Your parents keep telling you to choose. You don’t know how to. They tell you that you're the oldest sibling, and your other siblings need a room. Since you weren’t able to choose, your parents let your younger siblings choose first. You got Room 2. The worst room according to your siblings. 

You started having group piano lessons. You go in and see three other kids your age. There are four keyboards made for each kid. You introduce yourself and the teacher tells you to pick a piano. The pianos were similar, but you didn’t know which one you wanted. The one by the door, the one near the staircase, the one with a carpet under, or the one by the dog. You wanted to choose, but you just stood there. The teacher looks at you strangely. She asks if you're okay. You tell her that the others can choose first, and they do. You watched them do it without hesitation. How do they do this, you thought. Were you ever going to go through life without hesitation?

It’s your first day of school. Your mom bought you a pretty pink sundress and navy pants with a green shirt. You pick one (based on what the reader wants) and you have to choose some shoes. You had two pairs. You had a pair of basic white shoes and a pair of basic tan shoes. Which one do you want? You don’t know. You keep on trying both shoes on to see which one is better. You realize they both look alike. That’s what made it hard to choose. You ask your mom which one looks better. She says they both look good on you. That’s what every mom says to be nice. You needed help. You couldn’t decide. You tell your mom that you can’t choose at all. They’re noticing how you have become very indecisive. You almost had a meltdown, but your mom decided to put the shoes on for you so you wouldn’t have to choose. She chose the tan ones. 

Ever since your parents saw how indecisive you’ve been, they took you to a mental doctor. You are nervous. You knew that you had to get some type of treatment to help you. You go in and check-in. The nurse comes and takes your measurements and your temperature. You go inside a room and the nurse tells you to sit on the bed. She asks you some questions about your indecisiveness then leaves the room. After about ten minutes, the doctor comes in and greets you. You say hi, but in a nervous way. The doctor runs some tests by putting flashcards up and asking which one you would rather have. You couldn’t choose. He runs more tests then leaves the room for about 30 minutes. He comes back and tells you that you probably have Aboulomania. He explains the disorder to you and your parents, you’re just as confused as your parents are. He then starts talking about treatment. He says that you can take daily pills, or do daily brain exercises. You don’t know which one you want. You’re only a teenager. Pills? Do those hurt? But brain exercises? Daily? For 10 minutes? They both have pros and cons, so you don’t know which one you want. You tell the doctor that you can’t choose, and he remembers that, so he asks your parents instead. They decided to do the daily brain exercises so that they’re safer for you. You didn’t care. You don’t care about any type of treatment. You knew that it wouldn’t work. These things just come and go. 

New city. New school. New school year. New clothes. New supplies. New everything. Your family moved from Ashland, Oregon to Washington D.C. It’s a big change, halfway across the country! You took a tour already at your new school and you liked it. Your mom had to buy your clothes. You probably know why. But, your dad decided to take you backpack shopping. Why? I don’t know. She takes you to the nearest Sears. You look for their back-to-school section and find the backpacks. There were too many designs. Floral, patterns, plaid, stripes, stars, and so many more. You wanted one that could fit your school supplies. You find two that you thought were good. A huge black one, and a purple backpack from your favorite TV show. You liked the purple one, but it was a bit smaller than the black one and wouldn’t fit everything you need, but the black one could, but it was plain. You thought that you could add pins on it or iron on patches. You didn’t know how to choose. Your dad obviously knew that he encouraged you to pick one. Your head started hurting, you felt like you were about to faint. What would you do? After a couple of minutes of sitting down, you finally touched the black and said that you can buy the same TV show patches and put them on the backpack. This was an idea that your father gave you so you can choose faster. I’m so proud of you.

Now that you know how indecisiveness can feel, it must be pretty bad huh? You may never know what someone is going through. You don’t know if they're going through some type of medication, you don’t know what’s going on at home. Indecisiveness is a very hard thing to overcome. It’s an actual conflict people go through. I can’t imagine how people can go through it. Choices. Les Choix.