The Years Will Rush By

ㅤGrow up. Go to school. Tell the class your name. Colour inside the lines. Try to make friends. Brush your teeth for two minutes in the morning. Brush your teeth for two minutes in the evening. Don’t lie. Come inside, you must be freezing. Be nice to your sister. Eat your vegetables. Don't mess around. Learn to tie shoelaces. You're too old for velcro now. Learn about verbs and nouns and adjectives. Let’s mark your height on the doorframe. Come on, stand up straight.

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ㅤGrow up. Tuck your shirt in. Stand out from the crowd. Learn to play football. Learn the offside rule. Play in goal instead. Look at me when I’m talking to you. What are you doing with your life? I’m not sure yet. You could do something really important, help people. I know. You could make a difference. I know, Mum. Write an angsty diary. Hide it in your sock drawer. Stay in contact with your friends. Don't spend all your time on your phone. Get an Instagram account. Post at least once a month. You can’t post that, I look awful. Don’t compare yourself to others. Clean your bedroom. Be thankful for what you have. Keep your eyes closed when you kiss. Study hard. Do your homework. Spend time outside. Act mature. You won't be young forever, you know? Don't be so sensitive. Find a hobby. Something enriching. Write a personal statement. Be passionate. Whatever you do, don’t use the word passionate. You like writing, don't you? Tell everyone you are going to be a writer. Smoke your first cigarette. Apply for creative writing courses. Try reading Ulysses. Decide you prefer short stories.

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ㅤGrow up. Choose a city hundreds of miles away to move to. Don't go there, it's a shit hole. Pack your entire life into the back of your dad's car. Introduce yourself to your flatmates. Don't be awkward. What are you studying? Where are you from? Where’s that? Decorate your room with pictures of your friends. Tell the class your name, and maybe a fun fact about yourself. Try to make friends. Eat healthy. Study hard. Party harder. Try everything once. Spend time in loud nightclubs. Meet a girl. Just go talk to her, go on. Don't be awkward. She likes the way you part your hair, and the size of hands. Walk her home. Sit in her kitchen and talk about music until five in the morning. Treat her nice. Pretend you like her friends. Buy her tickets to her favourite band. Oh, you can’t wear that. My mum bought it for me. I don’t care, you can’t wear that. Donate all your clothes to charity. Learn about fashion. Wear a silver chain. It looks good on you. Do you think so? Yeah, I do. Ignore the rash on your neck. Take her on a weekend trip to Paris. Make sure you see the Eiffel Tower. Avoid the tourist traps. Drink coffee and eat croissants. You imagine growing old together. She thinks that you should see other people. Drive onto the ferry in silence. When you get home, her toothbrush is still next to the sink. Write an angry letter. Throw it away. You should come out with us to the pub tonight. I’m not sure I feel like it. Just come and have one, it’ll make you feel better. Get drunk and piss on her front doorstep. Let it all out, it’s healthy. Try reading Ulysses again.

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ㅤGrow up. Choose a career path. Maintain old friendships. Look at studio flats. Check for mould. Apply to work at a pensions company. Dress smart for your interview. Wear the cufflinks your ex-girlfriend got you. They remind you of her. Try not to sweat. Where do you see yourself in five years? Keep your thoughts to yourself. Smile. Stay in touch with family. Tell them about your new job. It's only temporary. You work in pensions now. It's only temporary. I thought you wanted to be a writer? Tell your family that you are working on a new story. It's about a writer who is obliterated by a landmine as he’s walking to deliver a manuscript. It’s satire. Hide in the bathroom. Take deep breaths. Stalk your ex on Facebook. Move on. Try to quit smoking. Attend a literature discussion group at the library. There's a girl with wavy brown hair and black leather boots. She calls William Shakespeare a fascist. This is the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Read as much Virginia Woolf as you can. Tidy your flat and cut your toenails, just in case. Tell the group that Orlando has been your favourite novel since you were fourteen. Speak with confidence about motivations and allusions. Put your degree to good use. Ask her out.

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ㅤGrow up. Buy a double bed. Use fabric softener. Quit smoking for good. Apply for an assistant position at a publishing house. It's a good start. Your new cufflinks match your watch. I’m glad you noticed. Kiss her goodbye in the morning. Learn to cook for two. Eat quinoa for the first time. Book a holiday together. Tell her you hate Paris. Suggest Amsterdam instead. Take lots of photos, I want to hear all about it. Walk along the canal at midnight. Kiss her like you've never kissed anyone before. When you get back, look at houses together. Make a downpayment. Clear out your flat. Find your notebooks from university. Read a draft of a story you wrote titled 'Death of a Door to Door Vacuum Salesman.' It's supposed to be satire. Show it to her and laugh together. On the day you move into your new place, get down on one knee. Look at wedding venues. Oh I love this place. So do I, my parents got married here. Take your suit to the dry cleaners. Say I do. Honeymoon in Amsterdam. Tell her you love her. Make two cups of coffee. Add sugar to one. Stir. Take a moment to yourself. On the back of an envelope, scribble down a new story idea. It’s about a writer who has found his place in the world.