It was a warm spring day in March in the year of 2020. This non- fiction short story takes place in Southern Ontario near the GTA area. I was going out to meet with my tattoo artist to discuss the upcoming appointment that I had scheduled. All was going well; the day was sunny and quite beautiful, with an amazing breeze.
It was not too hot or too cold and anyone that knows me; they are aware that I like it cool!
Afterwards - I decided to go meet up with some friends at a bar in the east end of town. It was a fun night full of food, beers and playing darts. Of course, while enjoying some good old rock and roll baby!
After several drinks- I decide to go hang out with some friends. We ended up going in the hot tub at my soon to be ex boyfriend's house. We enjoyed chatting for a hour or so and it was a great night with lots of laughs. At the time of meeting him - I felt he was cute, funny and a great hockey player. As a young female- we all do love our hockey players.. wink wink. Or at least.. I DO! (If you aren't aware yet- my favourite sport is hockey)
Months went by and faster than ever before- I fell head of heels for him. He was so sweet and caring at first. Boy oh boy was I ever wrong about him.
At the time - I did not realize it would be the most traumatic relationship of my life.
Later on down the road- the relationship became quite rocky. No, I am not referring to the amazing Rocky movies- although my ex did let his emotions get out of control and he must of thought he was a boxer in the ring?
He would get upset over small things - such as; spilling a can of pop, his father asking him to clean up beer bottles or his friend owing him money, then not paying him back.
He would get emotional during these moments and would take his anger, sadness and guilt out on me.
I would feel worthless, depressed, and as if I was not enough for him.
It was scary and frightening - sometimes he would yell right into my ear for extended periods of time. Now I have hearing loss in my left ear. Unfortunately, it causes a struggle for me on the daily at work and at home.
One situation- he was so upset after I asked if he was okay he threw me out of the car.
The one thing that made me slightly sane and to stick around - was the thought that he could or would change.
He use to always say: " I will not hurt you". What he did not realize was; he was breaking me slowly - day by day.
The relationship did continue- with a mixture of gaslighting(control, manipulation and invalidation), love-bombing(after times of extreme lows of the victim- they will be very kind and loving), and belittling(making the victim feel depressed and not enough).
I was blinded by love and stuck in a trauma bond. I believed the other partner loved me; but in reality, he just wanted to use and discard of me. It was not until he physically assaulted me that I ended contact and broke up with him.
That traumatic event was caused by me asking if he was okay and needed water. It is frightening that someone is so mentally ill that they can flip on the dime like that for no reason whatsoever.
In my opinion- mental and emotional abuse is more traumatizing than physical. It has affected me greatly- and changed my feelings towards myself and others now. It is one of the reasons; I am who I am today, with lessons to learn from and to move forward from.
I hope by writing this short story- many young men or women will read this and learn that you deserve a kind, loving and caring partner. Or if you are the toxic individual in a relationship to please step back and get the help you need.
There are many tell- tale signs of an abusive relationship and what to look out for. Some to look out for in your relationships are: they seem perfect at first- but then they pull a full 360 and treat you as if you mean nothing to them. They make you feel as if you always do the wrong thing; you feel more anxious, restless and depressed and they have NO boundaries for anything at all.
After the abuse occurs- the narcissist's will create an image or story to make you seem like the bad person. They will direct anger towards you with threats and degrading words. In return- you will feel alone and isolated. This makes you want to not get help or talk about your situation,
One symptom I developed during abuse (physical and emotional) - I would have a freeze response and dissociation. It helps during the abuse to essentially numb yourself and is the body's way of trying to be "less present" during scary situations. Although, there are things to look out for during abusive relationships, at the same time; it can be hard to recognize them.
After a traumatic event or relationship; I found that talk therapy counselling helped best. Through mindfulness(yoga, music and art), effective communication(kind to yourself and others), radical acceptance(accepting the situations you CANNOT change), rebuilding your thoughts process, and a long road of recovery; you can move forward.
Some final thoughts and comments in my story story are:
I wish that my abuser gets well and never hurts anyone ever again; especially the way he hurt me.
I hope that anyone going through a toxic relationship or is freed from one- can grow and get well.
I truly hope that I get well one day as well; and I am able to look in the mirror with a smile again.
I hope that one day- there is no toxic relationships and only happy loving ones exist.
Here are some numbers for anyone needing help in times of crisis,
National Domestic Violence Number: 1-800-799-7233 (24/7 help)
National Sexual Assault Hotline Number: 1-800-656-4673
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (24/7 help)
Your friend, online writer family member and newbie writer Miss
And to my ex boyfriend-that is the reason that I'm NEVER going out with you again.