We Should Go Out

Claire stood in front of her bedroom mirror smoothing nonexistent wrinkles from her new blue blouse. It was a little dressy for the rest of her outfit, but she thought it went well enough with her jeans and sneakers and besides, blue was his favorite color. She stole a quick glance out her window at the driveway. It was still empty. Her mother wasn’t home yet. Claire had the house all to herself for at least a little while longer. She took a deep breath and began to practice her speech again.

“Austin, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something for a while now. We’ve been friends since elementary school and now we are seniors in high school. We’ve always liked the same movies and music, and we both even plan to study nursing at the same college next year.”

Claire paused, noticing her voice was already starting to become a bit panicked towards the end. She was incredibly nervous even though she was alone in her room. Just the thought of seeing him tonight and what she was planning to finally tell him made her feel lightheaded. Claire took another deep breath and tried to steady her voice.

“We spend all our free time together and I can’t honestly imagine my life without you in it. I really think we should go out. Like girlfriend and boyfriend. At least give it a try. See what happens...”

Claire trailed off, frowning. That last part sounded so stupid, but she couldn’t for the life of her think of a better way to phrase it. What if she just stopped at the ‘we should go out’ point and he thought she meant they should go someplace together? They went out to a lot of different places together, so it would make sense for him to make that mistake. Tonight they were even going to a carnival together. What if she stopped at that part and then he didn’t know she meant she wanted to date him? It would be horribly awkward to try to tell him anything after that.

Claire jumped as she heard the sound of her mother’s key in the lock downstairs. Her face felt hot and her heart was racing. She ran into the bathroom and latched the door behind her. She hadn’t told her mother about any of this, it was all just too embarrassing. What if she brought up the sleepovers they used to have as kids? Or that one summer, when they were both five and declared they were getting married and proceeded to have pretend weddings in the backyard for months?

Claire did not need her mother dragging out the photo album tonight and making things weird. Besides, she still had to finish getting ready. Austin would be here to pick her up within the hour.

*****

Claire flipped through her cellphone’s gallery as she sat on the front porch waiting for Austin to pull up. She scrutinized every photo they had taken together over the last few months for details to reassure herself about something she already knew was true. They were perfect for each other.

She had hundreds more just like these saved on her computer. Vacations, school outings, trips to the movies, trips to the mall, just hanging out at the local park. She smiled as she scrolled.

Austin was so freaking handsome. His smile made her stomach do weird things. And after tonight he would be her boyfriend. He had to be. If she even thought about him saying no, rejecting her, then she would just chicken out again.

“Claire!” Austin’s familiar voice called to her from the end of the driveway. Her head jerked up as her stomach began to do somersaults.

She quickly stood and ran down to where he had parked his car behind her mother’s. She had been so engrossed in her thoughts she hadn’t even heard him pull up. Austin jogged around to the passenger side and held her door open for her with an exaggerated flourish, tipping an invisible hat.

“Your ride is here, my lady!” He waited until all her limbs were securely inside the vehicle and then shut the door, returning back to the driver’s side. Claire giggled at his antics.

“You’re in a silly mood tonight.”

Austin smiled and shrugged. His face looked a bit flush as he suddenly focused very intently on the road and his driving as he pulled away from her house.

Claire tried not to stare. He always looked handsome but tonight he was particularly well put together. His hair looked freshly trimmed and he had on a brand new pair of jeans, instead of his usual worn and holey ones. The dark green button down shirt he was wearing was even tucked in. Green was her favorite color. Maybe it was a sign.

And was he...wearing cologne? She glanced around to see if he had opened a new air freshener in his car, but she didn’t see one.

After the usual greetings, things got oddly quiet. Austin didn’t even have the radio turned on and Claire felt her anxiety building. She didn’t want to be left alone with her thoughts right now.

“Are you feeling OK?” Claire asked, chancing a glance over at him.

“Yep!” Austin replied, a little too quickly, and then fell back into silence. So much for trying to start up a conversation. Fortunately the fairgrounds weren’t that far.

They pulled into the field-turned-parking-lot and got out of the car. A lot of people had already arrived ahead of them and they had a little ways to walk to the entrance. Carnival music played in the distance and the colorful glow of the lights on the rides shown against the rapidly darkening sky. The smell of popcorn and cotton candy drifted towards them, mingled with car exhaust as more vehicles pulled in behind them.

Austin locked the car and then like an excited child immediately started striding towards the entrance. Claire had to jog to catch up. Claire’s heart was hammering in her chest. One thing she hadn’t planned on was when exactly she should give him her speech. Maybe she should just do it now and get it over with.

Austin stopped suddenly on the footpath and turned to face her. She almost ran into this chest and chuckled nervously as she took a step back.

“Hey Claire.” Austin had an incredibly intense and serious expression on his face.

“Hey.” She replied, giving him a confused look.

“I uh, I actually have something I want to tell you.” Austin said, hesitantly.

“Actually I have something I want to tell you too.”

“Oh, uh...do you mind if I go first?” Austin asked.

“Sure. what’s up?” Anything to give herself a couple more minutes to compose herself before delivering the confession of a lifetime, Claire thought.

Austin glanced around nervously. A group of screaming children ran past. Austin jumped a little, as though startled, even though they came nowhere near to hitting him. Suddenly his serious expression was replaced by his trademark big, goofy grin.

“I can not wait to get my hands on a funnel cake!” He declared, loudly.

Claire raised her eyebrows at him and laughed. “Uh...OK. That was certainly news flash worthy.”

Austin chuckled and visibly relaxed. “So uh, what did you want to tell me?”

The words Claire had so carefully rehearsed stuck in her throat. It was like she was outside her body watching someone else speak for her as she heard herself respond.

“Oh, just that you had better share the funnel cake this time!”

*****

Austin got out of the car to walk Claire to her door like he always did when he dropped her off from one of their evening adventures. They both moved slowly up the driveway, their legs tired from running around the carnival all night. They reached the front porch and his big arms wrapped her in a tight hug. She could feel his warmth through his shirt and as her face pressed into his shoulder, she realized he most definitely was wearing cologne.

All too soon the hug ended and she looked up at him, wanting nothing more than to kiss him under the porch light. If only she had told him. If only she hadn’t chickened out again, maybe she would be getting more than just the usual friendly hug right now.

She realized she had been staring a little too long, her hands lingering on his chest. He was going to think she was crazy. She pulled away.

“That was a lot of fun! We should go again next weekend!” She tried to recover, heat creeping up her face from embarrassment.

“Yeah… we should...” Austin stared at her as he trailed off. Shit. Could he see how red her cheeks were?

Relief flooded Claire when he suddenly turned and jogged back down to his car. She tried to unlock the door, fumbling with her keys and praying her mother was already in bed. She did not want her asking any questions.

“Hey Claire!” She turned back around just in time to catch the huge stuffed bear hurtling towards her.

“Don’t forget this! I’m not taking it home. It totally doesn’t go with my decor.” Austin quipped.

“But you won it!” Claire retorted, pretending like she was going to fling the giant thing back at him. He ducked behind his car door dramatically. She didn’t throw it though, instead wrapping her arms around it and hugging it to her chest. She kind of wanted to keep it.

Seeing he was out of danger, Austin stood up and slid into the driver’s seat, calling out as he did.

“I’ll see you at school tomorrow!”

*****

Disappointment had hung over Claire like a little dark cloud all night, but it had been easy to push down at the carnival because they were having such a good time. Hanging out with Austin, having fun, it all came so easily with him.

Even on the car ride home they had lost themselves in a deep discussion about how the movie they had seen last week had deviated too far from the book it was based off of. They both thought that it should have been made into two movies and then agreed point by point on what all should have been left in that the director had cut out.

But now that Claire was alone in her room with just her thoughts, that little cloud grew to smother her, and she couldn’t believe just how royally she had messed up again. How many times was she going to rehearse this speech and then chicken out before giving it to him?

She laid down on her bed and curled around the stuffed bear Austin had given her, burying her face in its fur. She wished that he had held it longer so it would smell like his cologne. Instead she got a lungful of greasy fried carnival foods and sawdust.

That was the first time he had ever worn cologne that she knew about and, while she loved it, it also kind of worried her. What if he was making all these changes to impress a girl? The hair, the clothes… She knew it was very odd at their ages to have never dated anyone. All her friends had boyfriends on and off since middle school.

Austin and her had always just hung out. They never really seemed to need anyone else to feel happy, complete. Another reason they were perfect for each other. Claire groaned into the top of the bear’s head. She should have just told him.

If she didn’t act soon she was going to lose her chance. Maybe he was already looking at one of their classmates to ask to prom. The thought of him going with another girl broke her heart. She had to tell him how she felt. Even if he rejected her, they had been friends for so long, they would have to make up right? He wouldn’t just reject her and then never talk to her again. It would be awkward at first, but they would get through it. She had to take the chance. If he started dating someone else and she hadn’t even tried to tell him how she felt, well she would never forgive herself.

Claire’s eyes wandered over to her cell phone resting on her nightstand. She had wanted to do this in person, had planned it so many times, had rehearsed it so many times...but every time she chickened out. She might not have wanted this to happen over the phone, but that was just how she was going to have to do it. She had to tell him tonight. School was tomorrow. What if he was already planning on asking someone out?

She sat up on her bed, still hugging the bear for emotional support, and with a shaky hand reached for her cell phone. It rang just as her fingers touched it. She almost dropped it.

It was Austin.

She picked it up, but before she even got the chance to say hello she heard his voice come out in a panicked rush.

“Do you want to go out?”

Claire sat in stunned silence. Austin apparently took that silence to mean she didn’t understand.

“I mean, like, do you want to be my girlfriend? Because I really, really like you and we are both single and I can’t imagine asking anyone but you to prom this year and I was going to ask you tonight but then I freaked out again and you are just so beautiful and so amazing and I just think we would be perfect for each other. I mean we like all the same things and...”

“Yes!” Claire cut him off from his tangent.

“Yes? Really? Yes?” Austin sounded breathless.

“Yes! A million times yes!” Claire giggled a little manically as the dark cloud hanging around her suddenly dispersed. She quickly added. “I wanted to ask you tonight, I’ve wanted to ask you for months, but I kept chickening out.”

Austin laughed and Claire could hear the smile in his voice. The big goofy grin she loved so much taking over his face, when next he spoke.

“Then I guess I will see you at school tomorrow, my lovely girlfriend.”

“Not if I see you first...my handsome boyfriend.” Claire was much too happy to care about how cheesy it all sounded. Besides, it was Austin she was talking to, her best friend...and finally her boyfriend.