The Rise of Dr. Biblio

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I turned evil. Nobody thinks of turning evil on a Tuesday. Now, Mondays that’s the day for evilness to occur, or maybe even five o'clock on a Thursday when your boss decides to take away casual Friday. But, for me it was a Tuesday. I should have already left work that day, but I had stayed behind to catch up on some last minute paperwork. That’s when he came in…

 I don't know how he did it, but he always managed to find me at the most inopportune time. I swear he must’ve put a tracker somewhere on my person.  He was the thorn in my side, the bane of my existence, and the fly in my ointment. Worst of all, he didn't even realize it. He thought we were best friends! To be honest, he didn't even make the list of my acquaintances. I don’t know if he didn’t realize I didn’t want him around, or he knew and just didn’t care. I don’t know why I didn’t like him. Maybe it was his sunny disposition or it might have been his ability to tell really bad jokes. If I heard ‘working hard or hardly working' from him once, I heard it a hundred times. And no, it wasn’t the bad jokes that turned me evil. Although I could very well see that happen.It was something far more hideous that turned me into the villian that I am today and it was all his fault. What could’ve been if he had only left my book alone!

I love nothing more than to curl up in a chair by a roaring fire and read. Fiction, nonfiction, hardcover, paperback; I love them all. I am devoted to the written word and will protect it until my last dying breath. All my books are meticulously taken care of, their pristine covers and spine have the appearance of never being read, but most of them have been read, many times. I know how to take care of books. If more people were like me, then this world would be a much better place.

That day at work I had one of my favorite murder mysteries sitting on my desk. I was in the middle of rereading it for the fourth time. Yes, I am one of those people who read, then reread while having a continuous to be read shelf constantly being added to. I can't get enough books. I lose myself in them again and again no matter the number of times I have read them. 

     “Whatcha doing?” he asked, bouncing up to my desk. He drug the ‘oo’ sound out like a ridiculous cartoon camper. I didn't even bother to look up at him as I replied.

     “Paperwork,”  I said in a tone that I  hoped would make him go away.  Instead he flopped down in the chair across from me and began picking up and examining the items on my desk.

     “Please leave my stuff alone,” I said, but he continued on not paying me any attention. My eyes darted nervously to my book placed carefully on the edge of my desk, a silver bookmark peeking t from between the pages. He got closer and closer to my book and I fought the urge to grab it. “I'll have to engage him in a conversation to distract him,” I thought to myself.

     Just as I stood to guide him away from my desk…it happened. He picked up my book! My precious book! First, he opened the book all the way out, breaking the spine, then he licked his fingers to turn the pages, and finally he dog-eared one of the pages to mark his place! I felt my ears fill with steam.  I tried. I really did try to keep my rage in check, but he had just defiled one of my favorite books! What was I supposed to do? Just let it go and buy another copy!? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I thought I had heard a voice in my head say no, stop think about this, but it was a fleeting moment and I let my rage do the talking for me. I leapt across the desk with an agility I didn't know I possessed and grabbed handfuls of his shirt in my fists. My breaths came in shallow gasps and I bored my eyes into his.

    “What are you doing,” he asked in a panicked voice. 

    “What did you just do to my book?” I whispered menacingly.

    “Okay, calm down. All I did was pick it up and read a bit. I put it back and everything.” He was beginning to struggle against my grip, but I held firm.

     “Were you never taught not to touch things that don't belong to you?” I continued in the same whisper as before, “Or were you just not listening in Kindergarten that day?”

      “Listen, this is getting really uncomfortable. I mean, the jokes over now, right? So let me go.”

       “Joke?” “You think this is a joke.” You destroyed something that belonged to me. Something precious to me, and you think you can just walk away and not be held accountable for your actions?” 

       “What is wrong with you?” He asked with a quiver in his voice, “It’s just a book.”

       If only he hadn’t said that line. Earlier I had some control, I could have pulled back, but when he said it was ‘just a book,’ there was no going back. My villian mode was activated. I lifted him bodily and threw him across my office. He smashed into the wall and crumpled into a heap on the floor. I did check to see if he was breathing before I grabbed my stuff and ran. It was  the last non-villain act of my life.

      I ran from the building to the parking garage. Without bothering to buckle my seatbelt, I squalled out of the parking garage and up the street. I didn't know where I was going, but it had to be far away from here. I began to calm a bit as I drove, but instead of turning around to turn myself in, I began to formulate a plan. Someone had to protect the books in the world and that person was me. I wasn't going to go about it the ‘legal’ way. No more Miss-Nice-Booklover. People needed to understand how important the written word was. Not just to me, but to the world.  I was just the person to make them listen. I knew exactly what I would do if they didn't. There would be no more cracked spines, or dog-eared pages. Books would be treated with the respect that they deserved.

     A hideous laughter began to bubble in my stomach. It raced through my body and out of my mouth. I cackled long into the night as I drove toward my new destiny as Dr. Biblio. 

     Now that we are all on the same page we can get back to business. Weren't you about to plead for your life? You really should’ve turned in that library book on time.