Peripheral Vision

"You're late, shockingly late actually,"

"Did you order yet?"

"No."

"Cheyenne said you'd be fun."

"I'm not what others say I am."

"Why not? Are others so ignorant?"

"I'd rather say such ignorance lies in me."

"K"

"Do you like Girl In Red?"

"Who?"

"You know, if slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian."

"Then it's a good thing they don't"

"Girl In Red is a goddess!"

"That's great!"

"I don't feel like having anymore,"

"Alright, put it on my plate,"

Every night.

Every night, I think about her. Gorgeous, crimson locks and a need to speak of Girl In Red until her mouth ached. I met her on a date. A blind date. Why do they call it a blind date? Because you go in there blind, not knowing who you will see, right? How many people have the courage to do this? Knowing that anything could happen with that person - they could fall in love. Or die. Or both. Is death worth the chance at short-lived, highly impermanent love? I guess for her it was.

No one was there; it was a pin-drop situation. It was a run-like-the-wind-because-she-will-ruin-your-whole-life situation. This wasn't what I was supposed to do, I wasn't supposed to delicately reach out, reverently grasp her face and gently count how many eyelashes she had (170), and I certainly wasn't supposed to be writing with passion that ignores the human obsession of losing emotion about it 10 years later. I'm not supposed to writing about it in blood - metaphorically of course. I wasn't supposed to be writing about it now. Of all the times I fought her and won, did I have to lose now? Right now?

Now, let's get back to being a loser then!

I can recall now, even the slightest of details. The details that Sherlock might just miss. Hair met by the spit of the Gods outside. The Gods that I do NOT believe in. The Gods that fell to the ground; a rumbling sound, when she turned around. I'd ask for forgiveness for all my rhyming but some things are so perfect that no one dares to write about them in a manner that is anything short of effortless perfection. When I say she is the golden ratio itself, it is one of the few truths to ever leave my mouth.

I'd been muttering secret mantras my whole life and now suddenly, I find myself at a loss of words at the thought of her. Satanism, it's not evil. We don't like to kill people but sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes-

When she sat down, all traces of impatience had left and suddenly my feet were glued to the floor. Glued with what? I don't know. It could have been fear of leaving without doing what I set out to do or it could have been the sheer shock produced from her undeserved niceties. I didn't want to do it. I never felt so unwilling to carry out the tasks that give me a reason to live. This is what I do. This is what I'm meant to do. I don't gaze at women's hair and call it a day. I do the-

She ate so elegantly. Exquisite, she was. She did that thing where your fork is in your left hand and your knife is in your right hand. I noticed because I definitely wasn't doing so. I remember her talking about how she loved the little design of a flower on her knife. So when I used it to get rid of her, it was a little awkward. There was no one around to stare and preach, of course. But I felt like she felt a little bad about it. 

It doesn't affect me. 

There's no traumatic remains. I don't feel those guilt-induced stomach cramps that make you feel like there is something you need to hack out but when you try to get rid of it, it only grows and grows until you completely give up on any method of removal in hopes of peace but even that enlarges it and it is there and when you blink, you feel it again and when you breathe, you feel it again so you stop doing anything at all but it is still there and you could rip your eyes out and cut your nose off but some things are simply not meant to leave. Some things are lucidly, tenaciously, ubiquitously present.

Her mouth leaked crimson. Her mouth leaks crimson. Sometimes, the rain looks like that as well. Sometimes she's there. In my peripheral vision, I see her posthumously. Tantamount to miracles. She is back. She refuses to leave. She never did. She doesn't know how. She stands around me, begging me to help her leave. Or so I assume, I never look at her. So I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her.. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her.I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see her. I see-